Wednesday, 15 June 2016

The way I see it . . .

  

"The cut worm forgives the plow."
~William Blake

My father was an avid fisherman.  So much so that, at one time, he had a worm farm growing in our basement.   It wasn't large, just ample enough to provide him with plenty of worms for his own fishing needs.  I remember that he used to feed them cornmeal.  The memory is a funny thing.  I had forgotten all about his worm farm until this morning, when I came across this quote from William Blake.

One fascinating fact about worms is that they are one of the only creatures in the world that grow from being cut.  Amazingly enough if you cut one into two pieces, each piece will become whole again so that you end up with two worms.  Self perpetuating I guess is another word for it . . .

Worms . . .  are completely in touch with their environment.  They live in the earth, they eat the earth . . .  the earth is who and what they are, from the inside out.

 

I think perhaps the secret to being able to grow from our wounds, or being cut in half  . . .  might be to live with our hearts, minds and bellies always in touch . . .  to be at one, both inside and out . . .  with that which is larger than we.  In a sense  . . .  to let go, let God . . . 

I've been studying and pondering a lot about forgiveness lately, focusing mainly on this talk by Elder Kevin R Duncan.   (If you have never listened to it or read it, you really need to.)  I think I probably listen to it at least once a day, and I have to say it has been very helpful to me . . . and I am finding the healing that I have longed for . . .

“The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. … Every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude.”~Elder Joseph B Wirthlin 

I have come to realise that forgiveness is a two fold thing  . . .  that not only do I need to be able to forgive those who I feel have wronged me, but I also need to be able to forgive myself . . .  that even more than being able to forgive them . . .  I must forgive myself, and that  . . . until I have . . .  my wounds will always be with me.

And I have made great strides in that area.  At least I believe that I have.

I think deeply ingrained in our human psyche are feelings of guilt . . .  whether we know and accept it or not.  The idea that perhaps if we had done this differently or that differently, been a better person/mother/wife/daughter/etc. . . .  then we might not have been hurt, or that other person might not have been able to wound us . . . that perhaps this hurt/wrong perpetrated towards us is a punishment for having done something wrong or having failed, or not having measured up.   Perhaps there is a tiny piece of us which believes we deserve it.

 

I have come to acknowledge that this just is not true.  I am not defined by my mistakes, failures or shortcomings.  I am so very much more than even the sum of all those.  That whilst I cannot control the actions or feelings of others, I can be in total control of my own  . . .  and that my success is not and should not ever be defined by the agency of others.

Forgiveness begins and ends with me, and that once I have given myself permission to forgive myself, then it is ever so easy to forgive someone else.  That having been cut in half  . . .  I can make myself whole again.  I can let go and let God.

And it feels good.  Its almost like giving yourself permission to feast at a banquet.  Thats not a bad thing.


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With all of the rain we have had over the past few days my beans, peas and tomatoes have taken off at the speed of light almost.  I can already see the beginnings of flowers on the tomatoes.   I'm really excited about this!


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Its light out before five am most mornings now and isn't getting dark until going on for ten pm.  We are having very long days  . . .  I have noted that even at five am the honeysuckle which grows along the back fence is humming with bees.


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These marvelous little creatures are so very industrious.  I find them quite amazing!


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Mitzie loves to be out there with me, even at five am and after a good rain.  We have had so much though that we will need a few days of dry to make the back yard "playable in" again.


And I am a bit bummed because I had a bunch of photos on my camera that I downloaded and lost.  Boo hoo . . .  a whole days worth of cooking too.  Oh well . . .  as they say that's the way the cookie (or cooking as it were) crumbles!

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In The English Kitchen today  . . .  Smash Burgers. 

Have a great Wednesday!  don't forget!

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And I do too!


8 comments:

Sybil said...

Well Marie I'm in first this morning . Sitting in our hotel bedroom, Mary is just through from having her shower so at 8.30 we will be ready for breakfast....I did smile when you wrote about the worms today....when I was a wee girl. ( I have told this story many times) I used to sit in the garden and any worms I could find I would cut in half ..then again ...just to see how many more I could make!!!...what a horrid child I was.LOL......we are being blessed with dry weather down here, despite the forecast for it to be wet....even this morning, it's nearly 8 am..it looks good...fingers crossed it stays that way...good photo if Mitzie, it looks as if her muzzle is getting grey already ?....take care and enjoy the day xxx

Suze said...

Good morning Marie. You reminded me of being given the task to find sand worms. They bite! How I loved the fresh fish. That has spoiled me for life. My fish has to be fresh.

I loved reading today's post. I still stumble over the Lord's prayer...."forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us" That is a huge and conditional statement. I know the Anglican church has changed the wording but every morning at the beginning of the school day we recited the ancients words. As a teen I struggled and I still struggle with forgiveness.

Have a lovely day and God bless.

Marie Rayner said...

Hi Sybil! Oh, I do love a good hotel breakfast. There is so much choice these days! I think I am due a holiday! You sound like you were a very curious child! I love it! That curiosity has probably stood you well through the years! Mitzie has always been greyish around her muzzle, etc. Its the blue roan coming out! She also has a white freckle on one of her cheeks, which shows when she needs grooming and that she needs at the moment! Hope your day is a good one! xoxo

We used to recite it every morning at school also Suzan. I doubt that it is these days. Things have changed a lot in modern times. I think forgiveness is a hard lesson to learn, but a very necessary one. Love and hugs! xoxo

La Table De Nana said...

My dad was a fisherman..hunter also..no worm farms though.
Marie are you sure you lost the pics..I have thought that more than once and they were there in a different folder..my photos get deleted after download..my choice. So sometimes..I have almost been frantic..and they were there.
I wish everything grew back like a worm.
Hard to forget things if there is always a constant reminder that festers..apparently forgetting is key.
Maybe a hypnotist.
As for myself I have a constant reminder of physical harm that was done to me..so it's hard to forget and thus forgive.
I am not sure actually maybe I have forgiven..but forgetting is so close and yet I have not.Hard to explain..I just retread this..makes no sense.....

I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

Forgiveness blesses both the giver and the receiver. It's necessary to live a peace filled life.

Marie Rayner said...

My photos get deleted right away also Monique, but unfortunately the program they were downloaded to froze and had to be rebooted and once rebooted, they were not there, not on the camera either. Very sad about that, but not much I can do about it! My dad was also a hunter. He had hunting guns and fishing rods etc. He was a man's man! Forgetting is the hard part. I think I have done really well and then something happens and up it pops again. I have noticed a big improvement in that area however so I think I am winning the battle! Love you loads. xoxo

You are right about that Pam! Its a double blessing, and necessary for a peace filled life! xoxo

shortybear said...

good post

Marie Rayner said...

Thanks Shortybear! xoxo