Sunday 31 May 2020

Being content with who we are . . .



Sometimes I think that women are their own worst enemies. Men think that we go to all the trouble of wearing makeup, dressing nicely, having our hair done etc. for them, but really, truth be known  . . . it’s probably more for the benefit of other women. We just cannot stand the thought of another woman looking at us and thinking silently to herself or out loud to a friend . . . “My goodness did you see that? She has really let herself go!” Oh sure, there is a tiny bit of ourselves that likes to look good for a man, but mostly it is for other women . . . at least that is what I think. I could be wrong and often am!



Magazines like Hello, Glamour and Heat have huge sales.  You know, the sort of reading material I am talking about.   Reading material that effortlessly blends sermons on how to improve your self esteem with double-page spreads of air-brushed 16-year-olds that we all end up thinking we have to look like, but never possibly could, mixed together with bitchy spying on the latest celebrities, whom spend a fortune looking the way they do and whom we all end up thinking we have to look like as well!

And then there are those IG accounts presenting perfectly appointed homes, beautifully decorated by women who are also young and beautiful and perfectly put together, with perfectly put together children, and meals that look like they just came out of high end restaurants.

  

There is a huge myth flying around that you can have it all . . . career, family, happy and fulfilling relationships, clean and tidy homes, etc. I call it the Superwoman myth, because, just like the Superwoman of the comic books, she just doesn’t exist other than somewhere in somebody’s imagination. I think it’s very . . . very rare that you can have all those things successfully. One of them always seems to suffer at the expense of something else.

Not too long after the birth of my fifth child, I allowed myself to be cajoled into going to work fulltime. I had been a stay at home mom up to that point, and everything had run rather smoothly. We didn't have a lot of money however and my husband felt that if I took a job then we would be able to give our children better things, and perhaps our lives would be better in some way.

The first woman that I hired to babysit my wee one ended up being a bit unhinged . . .  a total nut-job.  Thankfully I figured that one out before anything untoward happened to my baby, and I was able to find a loving and kind woman with a child of her own of the same age to watch him while I was at work.



I was up at 5:30 every morning and to work by 6:30, so my oldest boy had to make sure his younger sisters and brother got off to school ok, and the baby to the sitters. He was 16 at the time and more than just a little resentful of having to do all of that. Really . . . it was not fair of us to expect him to. It wasn't until years later that I found out the horrible truth, that he had left most of that responsibility to his youngest sister who was only 11 years old at the time. I was home every day by 3:30. I thought that was good  because I could be there for when the children got home from school.

I have to confess that I fell into bed with exhaustion by 8:30 every night.

Those few hours in-between getting home and going to bed were filled with doing laundry, cleaning, cooking supper, and doing my bookwork for the day (we owned our own business).  I also had to bake my muffins and make my sandwiches for the next day as well.  (It was a coffee shop, our business.) I am quite sure, in looking back, that those few hours between work and sleep were not  really quality time spent with my children.



I do know that there are hundreds of women out there who just don't have the option of staying home, and my heart goes out to them. It really does.  There are also women who would rather be at work than at home, and that's okay too. Some women find it relatively easy to juggle work and family life. That just was not me, and it wasn't what I had ever wanted to do or to be.

My own mother had gone out to work when my brother started school. As a child I had missed her being home. As the oldest child in our family, a lot of responsability had fallen to me. I had to take care of my younger brother and sister after school, do housework, get supper going, etc. There was a part of me that had always resented the fact that I couldn't join after-school clubs, hang out with my friends after school, etc. I had always told myself that I wouldn't do that to my own children. I wasn't going to steal their childhood for financial gain,  and there I was . . .  doing just that.

I did this for about two and a half years. I can assure you that any financial gain we may have experienced was certainly not worth the ground we lost together as a family. It took quite a number of years to get that back, if indeed we ever totally did. In all truth if I had to do it all over again, I would never have tried to work full time at all. It just wasn't worth it for us, or for me.



It took me a long time to realize that trying to look like the pop and film stars of this world was a lost cause for me. It just was never going to happen on my budget, nor did I want to spend most of my time in the self involvement that it takes to look that way. These women literally must have to spend most of their waking hours exercising and primping, not to mention spending a small fortune to that end. There is so much more to do in life that can bring us so much more fulfilment and happiness, than dwelling on oneself and how you may or may not look to the outside world. I’d rather content myself with working on my insides and becoming a better person.

I have come to the conclusion that, personally . . .  I just cannot do everything, and do it all well. I can do some of the things I do really well, and some not so well, and that’s totally okay. I have learned to prioritize and decide which are the things in my life that are the most important and that really deserve my fullest attention. If some things don’t get done today, then I don’t panic. It’s not really that important. I dress neatly and tidily, and I keep myself clean. I do wear a bit of makeup, but I don’t obsess on any of it. I have learned to be content with how I look and with what I have . . .  and most importantly, with who I am.


If my husband is happy, and I am happy,  if we are both content with our lot  . . . then nothing else matters. That’s as it should be. I take great joy in the simple things of life and I have them in great abundance. I am a simple woman, and very content to be such. My children are all grown up and are doing well and raising families of their own.  I can only hope that each of them are happy in their own ways, and healthy . . . and content. That's all any mother really wants at the end of the day.

I guess its all about balance.  About finding out the things in life which bring us the most joy and then focusing on them. Anything else is merely icing on the cake.  Sometimes we enjoy the icing and sometimes it okay to leave the icing off.  The most important thing is  . . .  the cake.

Life is not really about being perfect, its about being content and finding joy in that state of contentment. That's just my thoughts  . . .

A thought to carry with you  . . .

° * 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •
•。★★ 。* 。
° 。 ° ˛˚˛ * _Π_____*。*˚
˚ ˛ •˛•˚ */______/~\。˚ ˚ ˛
˚ ˛ •˛• ˚ | 田田 |門 ★

 *
The heart of man
is very much like the sea.
It has its storms,
it has its tides,
and in its depths,
it has its pearls also.
~Vincent Van Gogh
•。★★ 。* 。•。★★ 。* 。 



In The English Kitchen today  . . .  Quick & Easy Rhubarb Cake.  Deliciously old fashioned.

I wish for you a wonderful Sunday.  Be blessed and don't forget! 


═══════════ ღೋƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒღೋ ═══════════ ⊰✿░G░O░D⊰✿⊰L░O░V░E░S⊰✿⊰░Y░O░U░⊰✿
═══════════ ღೋƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒღೋ ═══════════   
 And I do too!  

Saturday 30 May 2020

Hmmm . . . .



Have you ever done that? Sat down with a blank page staring you in the face and you have no idea of what to write . . . This happened to me this morning. It’s not that I have nothing to say, it’s that I have too much to say. All the thoughts are clambering around in my head like jangling cymbals and I can’t seem to grasp onto just one of them and give it wings to fly.




My brain is busy and my thoughts are many, and all is swirling around in this head of mine and causing a chaotic whirl storm, much like the wind that is carousing through my back garden right now, swirling up fallen rose petals and causing the branches of the bush by the kitchen window to scratch upon the glass. I know if I were to put my coat on and go out into it, it would push against my back and urge me forward, almost taking my steps for me.



 
Some days are like that. You wrap yourself up and then wish for something or someone to move you forward and guide your steps. The effort sometimes seems too much to accomplish on your own, but you do it anyways. Lifting first one foot and then the other, moving each slowly forward and before you know it you have moved forward by a yard, and then two yards and next thing you know you have arrived! That’s the way I tackle the challenges in my life.



Oh yes, there is a part of me that just wants to accept defeat and lie down in the face of them, like the lazy slug that I sometimes feel . . . but then there is a greater part of me that is more stubborn and determined than any problem or challenge that might come my way.



I start off with baby steps, maybe even minute steps, but the beautiful thing is, that each step I take carries me a little bit further away from the problem or challenge and a bit closer to the solution. Oft-times there is just no getting around something. The only way to go, is to plough right through, and then keep going. We’ll get there in the end. 


I wish . . .


It was 20+ here yesterday. I am not sure what that is in farenheit temperatures, but it was plenty warm. Thankfully no humidity. I don't mind heat without humidity.  I worked really hard this past month on that other site.  Sixteen recipes, as well as trying to keep up my own site.  I think my son and I are going to try to self-publish my second book, which is the book I really wanted to write the first time around. We will see how that goes.  

This has been a really crazy week with everything that is going on in the world. My heart breaks.  There is so much that I cannot comprehend.  Yesterday they found an elderly man who had been stoned to death on the grounds of a castle down in Kent. Then there is what happened in Minneapolis, which boggles the mind, and everything that is attached to that horror.  Just when you hope that humanity might be going to finally get it right, stuff like this happens and you despair that things will ever truly get better on our planet.  I know we have to take the bad with the good, but why is there so much bad   . . .  sigh  . . . have we learnt nothing from out past? 



A thought to carry with you  . . . 

° * 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •
•。★★ 。* 。
° 。 ° ˛˚˛ * _Π_____*。*˚
˚ ˛ •˛•˚ */______/~\。˚ ˚ ˛
˚ ˛ •˛• ˚ | 田田 |門 ★

 *
You cannot save people,
you can only love them.
~Anais Nin   •。★★ 。* 。  


  

In The English Kitchen today  . . .  Small Batch Magic Cookie Bars.  Dangerous.  


Have a great Saturday.  The sun is shining and at 7 am, it is already 10*C in the back garden shaded area.  Who knows how much in the sunshine.  Don't forget! 


═══════════ ღೋƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒღೋ ═══════════ ⊰✿░G░O░D⊰✿⊰L░O░V░E░S⊰✿⊰░Y░O░U░⊰✿
═══════════ ღೋƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒღೋ ═══════════   
 
 And I do too!