Yesterday was not a very good day for me. I found myself feeling very sad and tearful all the day through. I had thoughts in my head that nobody should really have. I felt very much like there was nothing and no place for me in this world. Everything felt like it was crashing down around me.
Nothing happened to cause this. Nothing was said or done or anything. I just quite simply hit the wall emotionally. Yesterday was one of those days where I merely . . . existed, despite very much not wanting to exist.
I felt like one big huge tear drop . . . like if you touched me, it would all spill out and there would be no end to it. I was struggling very much to find my place in the world. I wanted my mother's lap.
I suppose it is only natural for me to have moments, days . . . when I feel like that. I am only human. I have been to the brink. And I know there are others who have been through far worse, but you know . . . when its happening to you, nothing feels far worse. It just all feels bad, and hopeless and your heart just feels very, very sad, like it just can't hold anything else, and you just want to lie down and say enough already. Let. Me. Be.
Days like those are days when you just go through the motions, because getting through the motions is all that you can do. You just keep plodding ahead and hoping and praying that tomorrow will be a better day.
And sometimes tomorrow is a better day, and sometimes it isn't, but it is . . . another day . . . and you are here, where others are not.
And you just have to be grateful that it is another day and that you ARE here. And you just have to hope that not all days will be like this day, or yesterday. That they will be the few and the far between days and that your life will be peppered with better days, happier days, days filled with so much potential and hope that your heart will be filled with that also. That the potential and the hope and the joy will eventually crowd out the tears and the hurt and leave room no more for the enemy of your soul.
I don't know why good people have to go through bad things, but I do know that I am not alone. This too shall pass.
Its okay to feel sad sometimes.
Its okay to feel.
Its okay.
Considering all things, Marie, probably no way to avoid such times. I feel close to despair at times too, yet, I have not gone through exactly what you have and are. Emotions are hard sometimes. Hang in there, surely as time goes along, better times will come too. You are not alone!!
ReplyDeleteHugs, Elizabeth xoxo
Some are never ace with feelings like these..They have no clue what despair is.
ReplyDeleteIt must be in genetic make ups.
Take care..
I won't bore you with sunshine and lollipop stories..those are the worse when feeling like this..
Like..look at the bright side..lol at these moments ..well where is is?
So I HATE that:)
You have your faith to carry you through anything..this much I know is true..
I wish that appartment would liberate for you.
I want you to have an adventure with a positive outcome and I have a feeling this is it Marie:)
It's coming.
Again..take care...I follow people struggling on IG..
I thought one girl was living such a charmed life.. she didn't even get out of bed for a few days..:(
As Elizabeth said..you are not alone.
You are not alone, dear Marie... never alone, and we are here with you! ((LOVE & BIG HUGS))
ReplyDeleteThank you for this post. I really needed this. So many times through my life, I have felt like this and just gone down into such a pit of despair. This post is a blessing to many that you don't even know about. Thank you again. May God's grace help you bear your pain. May God's grace help all of us bear our pain. Hugs from UT.
ReplyDeleteI think we all have those kinds of days, just some people are not brave enough to admit it. Know that you are always loved and appreciated and wanted and needed. Much love - Raquel XO
ReplyDeleteOh, take good care.....one day at a time.....remember to be good to you, you are not alone.
ReplyDeleteBlessings, Marie, to you and your family. xo, V
We're never too old to want our moms. My heart hurts for you. Better days are ahead. Know that you matter. Love and hugs, Elaine
ReplyDeleteDear friend,
ReplyDeleteI am sorry you have those feelings.
Please know you are not alone.
Thank you for sharing your pain here, as so many others will benefit from knowing that they too are not alone. I have an app I listen to called DARE. It is for anxiety. It has helped me as I waited for the storms to pass.
I'm giving you a big virtual hug Marie! You are not alone and you always think about something b4 acting upon with anything and everything you do!
ReplyDeleteYou are a winner bc not everyone can say that they made a cookbook! Your a great baker and a cook and there's proof in that bc you worked for yrs for fussy people! Your a good painter, crafter and even crochet, knit and sew! You my friend, are a very talented and thoughtful person!
It's very daunting sometimes waiting for something you truly want and deserve, like your apartment, but it's coming!
I'm sure after a yr is up, then you'll be finding your forever home for yourself!
Also being the sweet, kind and thoughtful person that you are and likes to bake, cook…
I very much doubt that you will be alone and will find that special someone some day!
I hope your having a restful night tonight Marie!xoxo
I have no words, I am sorry that you feel sad. I hope you feel better and will look for your next blog........Bless
ReplyDeleteJanice
I am praying for good things ahead for you, dear Marie. We have tearful times, I certainly did when my dear hubby died, and at other times too. Yet remember, Scripture tells us "Joy comes in the morning." I love all the affirming quotes you share on your blog and in your post.
ReplyDeleteSending lots of love and hugs and prayers for you dear friend. I continue to think you are so amazing. I marvel at all you have gone through and made it through. You are a true example to many and I know in the future the Lord will use you to help others because of what you have suffered.
ReplyDeleteIf you have a bad day, it is OK. In fact, if you didn't I would worry. You are still grieving and grieving is hard work. I know a lot about grieving of having been a hospice nurse for many years.
Take care and keep moving that one foot of faith in front of the other.
Love you girl!