Where I'm at . . .

 

Thanks for all of your advice yesterday re what to do reference that situation with the mother of the man who is renting my old house. Maxine is my friend.  This has nothing to do with me. I will ignore.

I thought I would bring you up to date this morning on how I am doing/feeling, etc. 

 

At the moment I feel very much like I am in a holding pattern. Neither  moving forward nor backward. Just being. I am still a bit angry . . .  okay a whole lot angry, will probably always feel hurt, but have forgiven him as best as I can.  Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.  Being able to forgive doesn't mean you accept or approve of what the person has done, did or is. It just means you are willing to let go of it and move on. I cannot hang on to it any longer.  There is no point in dwelling on or hanging onto things that cannot be changed. It is also not very helpful to carry them with you into your future.  I refuse to allow my past to colour my future. I don't think it is very healthy.

 

There will probably be people who don't understand how I can forgive someone who has hurt myself and others so deeply. I cannot help that.  I just know that it is something I need to do for me. Sorry if it offends anyone that I would do this, but I have to do what is best for me, and I find being able to forgive very healing.

In the meantime however, whenever I come across his name in anything I have written on the food blog, etc. I delete it and replace it with "my husband." I don't know how that makes me feel.

I can't really do much else now until I am able to move into my own place. Then I can begin to rebuild my life as best as I can. In the meantime I am busying myself getting ready for that move when it comes.  I still need to get a car, and I am not sure what is holding me back there.  I think it is the lack of knowledge on how to go about doing it. I have never purchased a car before, new or old.  Someone else has always done it for me.  I have never done a lot of things for myself in the past.  The Pandemic makes things a bit more complicated of course. But I will get there.Its just a matter of time.

My friend Tatiana's mother has had a heart attack and is in the hospital.  If you could pray for her and her family that would be great. Thanks so very much.  Tatiana is my Greek friend.  She was to see me several times when I was in the UK.  Love her to bits. 

I am almost finished my blanket. I just have a few more rows to do and it will be done.  I don't have a photo to show you, but I will take one when its all finished.  Its a rectangular granny square one. I had bought the pattern a while back from 8bysix on Etsy. 

 

This is her photograph. 

My colours are quite a bit brighter as you will see when I take one.  Its a very easy blanket to make. I am working on the border, trim now.  Its quite heavy actually.  It will do a great job of keeping my tootsies warm next winter!  

I have finished a few more tea towels and am looking for a dishcloth pattern to knit. I did get some knitting needles a few weeks back.

I've decanted some water colours from tubes into pans. Now I need to figure out something to paint. I quite enjoy watching the little mini tutorials by Ellen Crimi Trent on YouTube. 

I am not an artist however, not like others.  I draw and colour in, so this is a bit of a challenge for me. Hopefully with time I will get better. Mostly I just enjoy spending time with my sister, talking and watching, etc. I am not sure she knows how much I have  missed her all these years. Life has been hard for both of us in one way or another, but she is still the best gift my parents ever gave to me, and always will be. 

 

I very much would like to get a pet to share my life with at some point, but I still cry whenever I even think about Mitzie.  I am not entirely sure I want to invest my heart totally in something like a pet again, but at the same time I have a lot of love to share. We will see what happens there. Perhaps it is just too soon to think about something like that. What will be will be.

I am loving spending time with my dad. This is the silver lining. I had thought I would never see him alive again. 

I am very much looking forward to a future when I can go to church again. When I can spend time with my children and grandchildren. When I can have them in my home and we can be a family again. It will be great, and yet at the same time I am a bit afraid to hope too much, if that makes sense. Disappointment is a bitter pill to swallow, and I am afraid to build it up too much in my mind.

I subscibed to BritBox and I watch all my old favourites on my laptop everynight.  British television is the best, and I laugh a lot when I am watching it. Yes, I am a comedy nut.  One Foot in the Grave.  Only Fools and Horses. Those are two favourites. But I also like the drama ones. Bramwell. The Royal. Silent Witness. Downton Abby. Waking the Dead, etc.  Plus I get to watch Country File and Good Morning Britain, Antiques Roadshow.  I have only just begun to tap it.

 

Enjoying facetimes with Tina and Jo, Anthony, Doug.   Chats with Eileen.

 

Marjolein Bastin 

 

And so that is life at the present. A bit of this and a bit of that, and a whole lot of nothing.  Life goes on. 

 

Gabe in 2019

 

Someone is turning 15 today.  Happy Birthday Gabriel!  He is the one who turned me into a Grandmother!  I hope he has a great day. He has a new phone watch so I have sent him an embarassing (no doubt) Happy Birthday text this morning. He's probably still in bed. I hope I didn't wake him up!

I can just about remember being 15.  Wasn't a very happy time for me actually.  It can be a very awkward age as I remember.  I wish for him all the best.

And with that I will leave you with a thought for the day . . . 

° * 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •
•。★★ 。* 。
° 。 ° ˛˚˛ * _Π_____*。*˚
˚ ˛ •˛•˚ */______/~＼。˚ ˚ ˛
˚ ˛ •˛• ˚ ｜ 田田 ｜門 ★

*.Those who do not

see their weaknesses

do not progress.

~Henry B Eyring•。★★ 。* 。

 •。★★ 。* 。•。★★ 。* 。 

 

 

In The English Kitchen today, Irish Apple Cake.  Its almost that time. Have you got something green to wear?  I don't think I have!  Must rectify that!

Have a great Sunday.  Don't forget! 

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⊰✿░G░O░D⊰✿⊰L░O░V░E░S⊰✿⊰░Y░O░U░⊰✿

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And I do too!