Reflections . . .

 

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I woke up really early this morning so that I could watch church online at my old Ward in Chester.  Not sure if I should be doing that, but I do it every week. I can't help myself. I get a great deal of comfort in watching the familiar and seeing the people and faces that I love.  I also watch it here in Canada a bit later on in the morning, so its all good. Twice blessed.

I just go onto zoom on my iPad and watch it from the comfort of my bed. Naughty I know.  Will we all have become lazy church goers by the end of all of this?  I hope not. Personally I don't think it really matters how you choose to attend church. Its nice to meet with other people, but its also nice to be able to worship God privately.  

I know people think I am a really social animal, but really I am not.  I hide behind a keyboard really well, but I am actually quite shy in real life.  I am not a person who mingles or schmoozes very well at all, and I hate, HATE to be the center of attention. 

Church at home actually suits me very well, however I know its much better for you if you can attend in person and so when the time comes for me to do so, I will.  

  

Afterwards I lay there for a few minutes, in solitude, thinking  . . .  listening to the birds outside.  Life is a funny thing.  It never really turns out the way we plan it to.   That's not to say that it isn't very good.  Its just never actually the way we planned it out.  When I was a child I wanted to be a mother and a wife, above all else and a writer next, an artist perhaps as well.  Home, family, words, art . . .  those were my four loves, aside from God of course.  I have always been incredibly spiritual.

I guess I have achieved all of those things in a way.  Maybe not in the usual way I suppose, and not always to great success. But just what is success anyways?  Who gets to decide what is a success and what is not?  Maybe for some of us, just to achieve a goal is enough.  I think for me that is true.  

Now for the rest of my life I just want to be happy. Dot my i's, cross my t's. Support myself as best as I can.  Be humbly comfortable in my own way.  Faith.  Family.  Friends. Maybe something furry to love, who will love me back unconditionally.  It would be selfish to expect anything more, and I really don't.

 

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Of course, having my babies has been my greatest accomplishment.  I loved being a mother and I think I was a good one, regardless of what anyone else might think or say.  I have five children who are good people.  I didn't get to finish raising the last one. Not my choice. Sadly his. I spent years agonizing over that fact, but I agonize no more.  It is what it is.  He is still a good man, and now a father himself. I am sure he is a good one, and I hope a good husband. 

We are all broken in some way.  That's how the light gets in.  To err is human, to forgive is divine. No life is perfect.  That doesn't mean it can't be beautiful in its own way. We make the best with what we are given, no matter what we are given.  

 

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Choices.  Life is filled with choices. 

I did all the driving yesterday.  I was quite comfortable with all of it. I am not such a good parker I think.  I need to get a better feel for the boundaries of my car.  I over-estimate its size. haha  Its not really as large as I think it is.  I sure hope I have no problems driving it into the garage at my new place  That will take practice. 

I had a garage when I lived in Calgary.  I never parked my car in it.  Cars were as big as boats back in the 1970's.  At best I could only pull up to it. My then husband would park the car inside. I remember one time being very proud of my pulling up to it and I thought I could pull it inside, forgetting about the door handles on the car.  Uh oh.  Cars don't really have sticking out handles now, but they do have sticking out mirrors.

Oh, neat thing. When I lock my car the side mirrors fold themselves in.  My sister doesn't even need a key to turn her car on.  She just pushes a button and it turns on. And it sings to her.  A pretty little melody.

 

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I reckon in the coming years I will master the art of cooking for one.  That is my goal anyways. I don't expect I will often be cooking for more than that.  I spent my whole life surrounded by lots of people. And now I will be surrounded by none.  Its a good thing I am a person who enjoys my own company. 

Eileen is very excited about me moving into my own place.  She says now she and Tim can spend weekends with me.  I said, not every weekend, but yes,  it is a possibility they can spend frequent weekends with me. That will be nice.  I need to get living room furniture first and a bed for them to sleep in.  I think my daughter has missed me.  Its nice to be  missed.

I had always looked forward to having a daughter as a friend, like my mother had in my sister and I.  I despaired of that happening when my youngest daughter went AWOL.  We would never be able to talk about mother/daughter things.  To share the feelings of being mothers, etc.

I have a daughter as a friend. Its just in a different way, but no less beautiful.  And our conversations are a bit simpler.  But it is still a great blessing to me and for that I am grateful. 

 

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They had the frozen La Choy entrees on special this week.  It had been years since any of us had had any of that kind of thing, so we thought we would take an easy way out last night and we picked up a few.  Sweet and sour chicken and chicken chow mein, some egg rolls.  One word. DON'T.  The best part of our meal was the basmati rice we cooked ourselves. haha.

I don't think we will be doing that again. You get what you pay for.  Homemade would have been infinitely better.

I will have to get a planter and plant myself some herbs outside my back door to enjoy.  I love fresh herbs.  It will be nice having the farm market on my doorstep as well.  Just a hop, skip and a jump away.

Today we are doing a pasta bake.  It has ground beef and spinach in it. I had picked up a Taste of Home booklet, with all ground beef recipes in it.  This one looked very promising.  In any case it will be infinitely better than La Choy! 

And with that I best wrap this up and leave you with a thought for the day. Not long now before my church here starts. 

A thought to carry with you . . .

° * 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •
•。★★ 。* 。
° 。 ° ˛˚˛ * _Π_____*。*˚
˚ ˛ •˛•˚ */______/~＼。˚ ˚ ˛
˚ ˛ •˛• ˚ ｜ 田田 ｜門 ★

 *.˛.As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, 

so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. 

To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. 

To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over 

the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives.

~Henry David Thoreau •。★★ 。* 。 

 

 

In The English Kitchen today, Vanilla Wacky Cake.  Like the chocolate one, only its not chocolate. Its vanilla and its delicious!

Have a beautiful Sunday. The sun is shining here, beautifully.  Don't forget! 

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And I do too.