Wednesday, 10 September 2014
Wednesday thoughts from my heart . . .
"Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies."
What a wonderful broadcast was presented to us at the chapel last night. I love that, as women, we are so very treasured by the leadership of our church that they single us out and speak to "just us" the way they do, several times a year. The women in our church have always been cherished as the jewels that we are . . . the rubies . . .
As members of one of the largest and longest running women's organizations in the world we have a declaration which begins as follows:
"We are beloved spirit daughters of God, and our lives have meaning, purpose, and direction."
I think that is a wonderful thing in today's crazy world to be cherished as the beautiful creations which we are, and to know and embrace our value as such. So many women in the world do not really know who they are and what their value is. What a difference it would make if they only knew and felt this basic truth.
I did not realize my own value when I was a young woman. Because of this I made very poor choices and unwise decisions. If I had only known then what I know now, my life could have been very different, but hindsight is always twenty twenty is it not? I know now and that's what counts.
I love these special meetings and the things that I learn about myself when I attend them and listen to the talks which are presented. I always take notes as I am listening and mark down special impressions which I get. Sometimes I don't think as women we realize just how very important we are or how very much of an impact we have and can have on the people around us. Any consistency in our lives can have and has a profound affect on those around us, and most especially those dear spirits given unto us for our care . . . our children.
As I was sitting there last night, listening to the talks, pondering the words in my heart, surrounded by like-minded women, I thought about some of the women that I have known in the church, who . . . like myself were Baptised on their own without their husbands being Baptised, much like I was. And then I thought about the differences. All of the women I know who did this, without exception, had the support of their husbands, and whilst the husbands themselves did not care to be Baptised or embrace the church . . . . they did not prevent their wives from doing so, or even prevent their children from attending church. It was simply not a choice that they wanted to make for themselves for whatever reasons. It occured to me that they quite obviously had a great faith in and love for their wives and respect for their choices . . . which is a great thing and I wonder do these women realize how very blessed they are . . .
After thinking that I was crying . . . because I realized that . . .
Although he had given his permission for me to be Baptised (husbands must give permission if they are not being Baptised themselves) my ex husband did not love me enough or have enough faith in me to know that I would never do anything at all to harm my children or to lead them astray . . . these wonderful spirits which I had given birth to and nurtured and loved for their whole lives with all of my being. In fact . . . he did the exact opposite and implanted in them the feeling that their mother was a nut who joined a cult and was not intelligent enough or discerning enough to know the difference between what was right and what was wrong . . . or what was false and what was true. He told me I could go to hell if I wanted to . . . but I was not taking HIS children with me.
And I don't know why some fifteen years later . . . my heart still breaks at the thought and why it still has the power to make me weep and mourn . . . it should not, but it does.
I love my babies. I love them with all of my heart. And no matter how old they get or how many children they have of their own, they will always be my babies. And I wish that I had had a better opinion of myself at the time because had I so done . . . I would never have let them believe that of me, and now it is too late . . .
But I do want them to know that from that day up to this day, and forever more . . . I have not and will not doubt what I know to be truth. My heart does not waver. The entrance to holiness comes with a courageous heart. And just as it tells me in my patriarchal blessing I am and will be as a light on a hill. When I am long gone from this earth I hope that they will say this of me . . .
"She walked not in the borrowed light of others."
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Have a wonderful Wednesday. May you be blessed as you bless the lives of those around you.