Thursday 4 August 2022

Lots to think about . . .


  

I had a bit of a funny old day yesterday.   I had an appointment at the local clinic for a blood pressure test and I so I went on over.  I also had to pick up a requisition for some blood tests.  Because I am a diabetic, they test me fairly often.  I got a phone call re my mammogram just prior to the blood pressure check.   Its not a call anyone really wants to get, nor it is a call you want to get just before having your blood pressure checked.  Needless to say I failed my mammogram and blood pressure check!

It was all I could do to get out of there and back to my car, and then home.  I cried. A lot.  I have to go to Kentville on the 2nd September for another mammogram and then an ultrasound.

Of course it may be nothing and that would be the best scenario.  I have a few symptoms that cannot be ignored and my mother had breast cancer so I although I am trying to be optimistic, there is a part of me that can't help but think that I could not be so lucky for this not to be.

And you think, why me?  Have I not had to experience enough c*** over these past few years.  Is this not just the icing on a big old c*** cake? And then you think, why not me? What makes me so special?

Nothing, that's what.  Millions of women are diagnosed with breast cancer every year.   And millions of women survive it.

First thought . . .  how am I going to pay my rent if I can't work?

Second thought . . . what am I going to do about my estranged children. I had hoped that we would somehow miraculously be able to fix that before I died.

Third thought . . . I need to get my affairs in order.

Fourth thought . . . what about my fur babies?

Fifth thought . . . if it is what I think it is, I hope that it hasn't gone too far, but if it has, I need to be ready, so again . . . get my affairs in order.  Its not fair to die and leave everyone else with a mess to take care of.

Sixth thought . . . damn him for stealing 22 years of my life and my chance to have someone worthy of sharing it with, and someone to be by my side to help me through this next challenge.

Seventh thought  . . .  he's not worth a sixth thought.

Eighth thought . . . what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Ninth thought . . . how can I use this experience to inspire and uplift others.

Tenth thought . . . you can do this. You will do this. You can go through this experience kicking and screaming and dragging your heels. Or you can go through this experience with dignity.

I choose dignity.

I am not afraid to die. Dying is a natural thing which will come to all of us at some time . . . sooner or later. And the older you get, the more sooner it will be. Its not how you die that matters so much as how you lived.

So those are my thoughts for today.  I have the foot lady coming at 10. I have half a mind to cancel because I really don't want to be dealing with anyone or chit chat today, and I am really tired.

I have lots to think about.  Don't forget! 


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⊰✿░G░O░D⊰✿⊰L░O░V░E░S⊰✿⊰░Y░O░U░⊰✿
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And I do too! 
 

22 comments:

  1. Marie, I'm so sorry to hear your news. Please don't despair. Breast cancer can be beaten. There is always hope. You're not alone. Praying for you. Love and hugs, Elaine

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    1. Thank you so much Elaine. I am counting on it! Thank you so much for the prayers, love and hugs. Right back at you! xoxo

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  2. Will be praying that things come out much better than it looks now, Marie!! Hang in there...don't give up!! Sending many hugs,
    Elizabeth xoxo

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    1. Thanks so much Elizabeth! Much appreciated! xoxo

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  3. Oh my gosh. I feel so awful for you and scared. Will pray for you for a great and uplifting report.

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    1. Thanks so very much Latane! Very much appreciated! xoxo

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  4. Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, Marie.
    Mary

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    1. Thank you very much Mary. Much appreciated. xoxo

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  5. I too got the call after waiting years between mammogram and went for the followup mammogram and ultrasound. Had surgery and it was able to be removed and no lymph nodes involved. And no chemo or radiation. Just a pill for 5 years. If I remember correctly, you have had regular mammograms? So pray and know that you will be blessed. I will be praying for you.

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    1. I am so sorry that you have had to go through this Dee. I have had regular mammograms up until Covid. This is my first in a few years now and of course they don't have any records of any that I have had over the past 22 years in the UK. I am praying and I am so grateful to know that others are praying for me. Thank you. I am so grateful that you have done so well thus far and pray it continues! xoxo

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  6. You must wait for the results of the next phases. I had a recall back several years ago, and know how it makes you feel. Thankfully for me things were fine. Stay positive, keep smiling.

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    1. Its pretty scary! So sorry you have had to go through this as well Linda! Happy everything turned out for the good! Thank you! I am trying! xoxo

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  7. Never ever give up. I will be praying for you, my precious friend!

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    1. Thank you so much Raquel! I truly appreciate it! xoxo

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  8. I will be praying for you too.......I had a lump and mammogram, then the ultrasound gave me the all clear, it was an okay lump to have. I still worried though as I lost my mum to breast cancer and my sister had to have a mastectomy. Try and stay as positive as you can (I know it’s hard) and push the negative thoughts away. Sending love and positive strength to you xx

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    1. Thank you so much Karen. My mom had a mastectomy when she was 53. It is a very frightening prospect but I am trying to remain positive. You are right, it is hard. Thanks so much for the hugs and positive strength and the prayers! Much appreciated. xoxo

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  9. Fear not....yet ! It could be that they squished your boob incorrectly. Or...it can be a benign fibroadenoma. The important thing is that it is done. Next thing, most important, comparison with your last mammo films. Breast CA is no longer a death sentence. It is a cancer that you can live with. You have an excellent support system. Baby steps. One foot in front of another. A wobble. Get right back up again. You ARE a super woman

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    1. Unfortunately they have no old films to compare it to as they were all done in the UK. I am hoping for the best and trying to be positive! Thank you so much! I agree, they are working wonders these days with breast cancer. xoxo

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  10. You are in my thoughts and prayers. One day at a time and walk close to God every step of the way. You will get through this-whatever "this" is with God who has been with you every minute of every day. He loves you and will provide.
    Terri
    (I'm living with cancer and living with God's grace)

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    1. Thank you so much Terri! I am praying for you also. Love and hugs, xoxo

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  11. We always jump to dread:(It is normal..and often more often than not..it was a glitch in the actual taking of the mammo.I used to go to a private clinic..I dont anymore..But we had Lucas that day ,,he was 18 months..so J dropped me off and he took Lulu to Le Lac Des Castors..so I had the mammo and they said you cannot go yet..then an ultrasound..still no go..then and oncologist saw me..went over everything and all was ok..But my thoughts were ..oh no we just had Lucas..I want to see him grow up..please..I was begging in my heart..but the gloom was there.I hope its the same for you! You are in like flint with God Marie:)He will watch over you and all your concerns.Plus look what you did on your own:):):)

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    1. Hope springs eternal Monique! I am so grateful that all was well with you. It is hard to shake the gloomy thoughts, but I am trying. I have already managed to overcome a lot, and hopefully if this is not as I wish, I will over come this too! Thank you for your positivity! Much appreciated!!! xoxo

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Your comments mean the world to me, and while I may not be able to address each one individually, each one is important to me and each one counts. Thanks so much!