Sorry for yesterday. This past week things just started to get on top of me a bit, and all the tape that I have used to keep all of the sadness inside me started to come unstuck a bit, and I found myself one day earlier this week just blubbering for no apparent reason, like I was totally going to lose myself. I could not find my Little Miss Sunshine anywhere. And I have been blubbering off and on ever since.
It happens to us all from time to time I think.
I have never lied to you before and I won't lie to you now.
And no, I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me,
this is not a cry for attention.
Its four funerals in less than a month, and seeing good people with everything to live for die leaving behind families that love them dearly. Its being surrounded with clutter. Its having people in your life that couldn't care less if you live or you die, if you're here or you're not and trying to come to terms with that. You would think I would be used to it, but I don't think you can ever get used to that. Its a sharp knife that cuts deep. Its not being able to find your creative spot when you are a creature who loves to do nothing better than to create. Its not being able to settle in and do anything of importantance. Its short days, long nights and rain, rain, rain and . . . more rain. Its missing my mom and my dad and my sister. Its trying always to be strong, but sometimes needing to just let it all out so that there is space to fit in more light.
I want you to know I appreciate each of you, I really, really do. And I will be okay. This is just a temporary blip on a life that has been mostly filled to overflowing with blessings and goodness and light, and there is plenty of light there now, but sometimes you just have to let the darkness out so that you can see that glimmer of light again. I know I have much to be grateful for and I count my blessings every single day of my life, and you are all one of those blessings. I hope that you know that. So this is me shaking it off and trying to move forward. I will say no more.
Watch it. It will make you laugh and make you cry. Unless the sight of a really old Dennis Quaid will upset you, (How did that happen?) watch it. You will love it. We watched it on Amazon Prime. And while you are watching it, if you have a dog, cuddle them and know that they are yours for a season and a reason and they are just wonderful blessings.
Bake a cake and then eat some, without feeling guilty. Sometimes you just need cake and chocolate for that matter and you don't need to feel guilty about having it. Just don't eat the whole cake or the whole bar or box. Having a little bit of what you love is a blessing.
Read the scriptures, together . . . alone . . . morning, night and inbetween. Just read them. They will speak to your heart in an amazing way, and tell your heart things it needs to know now.
Reach out to others. To God. To friends. To family. Just as a joy shared is a joy doubled, a problem shared is a problem halved. Getting a load off helps. So pray. Talk. Laugh. Cry. Just don't hold it all inside. Let it out and share.
Dance, even if all you can move is your head and your arms. Put on your favourite music and boogie boogie boogie. Til the cows come home if necessary.
Just get out of the house. Breathe in some fresh air. See somehing other than your four walls. A change of scenery is as good as a holiday they say.
Do something for somebody else. Lose yourself in service for a minute, or an hour or a day. Just focus on someone else and doing good for others. That always helps me feel better, looking outward rather than inward.
Cry if you need to. Let it all out. Blubber and sniffle and cry, cry, cry. Then dry your eyes and eat some more cake.
Or cupcakes, even better . . . 😀
Thanks all for being there.
It means a lot to me.
It really does.