Saturday, 4 January 2014

All about me . . .

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 So today's the day the tree comes down.  It makes me kind of sad.  Oh, I know it  can't stay up all year round, but I do love it so, and this year it was especially pretty to me.  There is that saying I guess . . . all good things must come to an end . . . and so down it comes. I shall cherish each ornament as I wrap it in tissue paper and pack it into the box.   One last goodbye before I pack each one away . . .

Sounds silly doesn't it . . . to be so sentimental about a few glass baubles, but that is me, sentimental to the core.

I got a new journal for Christmas from Todd.   I have been staring at it for days now, wondering what to put into it.  It is one of the things I specifically asked for . . . a journal to write my most special-est of thoughts into, and now I have one, I don't know what to write.  I want it to be a legacy, something which my children or grandchildren treasure after I am gone.   That's an awesome responsibility.

Most of the history we have of our church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, comes from the hand written journals of it's early pioneers, and their examples are so inspiring.   I want to be inspiring too . . . and so here we sit, the 4th of January, 2014 . . .  and it's pages are still empty.

I suppose that is not as bad as it being the 31st of December, 2014 and it's pages still being empty.

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I was thinking earlier this week about the things about me, that make me me.  Those unique quirks and habits, loves and hates . . . the things that I am composed of.   How would I describe me if I was having to tell someone for the first time who I am???  That's an interesting question, don't you think?   Who am I?  That used to be a party game we played when I was younger.   You would go to a party and someone would pin a name to your back and you had to ask people questions all evening about who it was to try to guess who you were, without actually asking them who you were.  It was fun.

So who am I?  I am a 58 year old woman who has lived a very interesting life I think.  (Or I could be deluded, lol)  I began my life in Summerside, PEI with an English mother and a French father.  I travelled to Germany when I was about a year old and there I acquired a sister, and then a brother when we came back to Canada 4 years later.  But then again . . . that doesn't tell you WHO I am does it?  Only where I have been.

I am a passionate person . . . I do nothing by halves.   An over-achiever extraordinaire.   I am also somewhat of an enigma, because I am somewhat lazy as well, but when push comes to shove and I must act . . . I go above and beyond.  I do my best work under pressure, and when I do something I put my everything into it.  I live with passion and am passionate about how I choose to live.   No half measures.   Everything I do is a feast, whether it is something I have cooked, or drawn, or sewed . . . everything.  

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I eat too much and I exercise too little.  And . . . it shows.

I live my life with feeling, and I want to feel everything . . .  I value everything I feel . . . the good, the bad and everything in between, even if it's not always what I would have chosen . . . given the chance.  I try to make the best out of every situation.  There are no half measures here.

I am loyal to a "T".  When you have me on your side, it is for life, even if I don't always agree with you, I will support you to the end . . . because I support your right to choose, even if I think your choices are wrong.   I will be there for you, even if it is only to help pick you up when you have fallen, and I will try hard not to say I told you so, but . . . I am only human, so sometimes I might say I told you so, but when I do . . . it will be said with love.  Is that a bad thing?   Maybe so . . .

I am a person who loves.  Every living thing.   I want the best for all.  If I had it within my means I would save the world, but I can only save one starfish at a time, and I like to think that I make a difference to that one . . .  I hope that I make a difference to that one.  I try at any rate . . .

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I am a woman of great faith and great hope.  I would rather live my life believing there is a God and die to find out that there isn't, than to live my life not believing there is a God and die to find out that there is.  In doing so I have lost nothing but gained everything.  I believe a life lived in faith, and by Jesus teachings . . .  is a life well lived and filled with joy, hope . . . blessings too numerable to count, and I count them every day.

My heart has been broken many times, but that doesn't stop me from loving, or caring, or trying.  I will get up when you knock me down so long as I am able to, and when I am not able to I will let someone else  pick me up and carry me, because, to me . . .  it doesn't matter how I get up, just so long as I get up, and don't give up.

I know that I am not perfect.   I have disappointed others at times, and in doing so I have disappointed myself . . .  and I am sorry for that, but I have learned to not dwell on my mistakes or shortcomings.  I have learned how to forgive myself, even if you can't forgive me.  That doesn't mean I am not sad when you don't forgive . . . but only that my sadness is for you and not for me, and what you are missing out on in life by bearing a grudge.  Bearing a grudge only hurts the holder.  This, too . . . have I learned.

I believe I am a good person and that I have a good heart and good intentions and I try to live my life in a way that takes nothing away from anyone else, and in a way that hopefully makes a difference in a positive way.  If I have something you want I will always be happy to share it with you.  I guess you can't ask for much more than that, can you?

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My first piece of 2014.  I may play with the writing I bit.  I don't know.  What do you think?   I forgot to tell you up there I am pedantic . . . and can't leave well enough alone.

A thought to carry with you through today . . .


 "I invite you to look at your life
as if it were a miracle.
To treat your life in any other way
seems to me to be a terrible waste
of your unique presence on this planet.”
-Robert White

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Cooking in The English Kitchen today . . . Chocolate Tiffin Cake.   Easy and delicious.

Have a fabulous Saturday!

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