Wednesday, 18 March 2020

Prattle prattle prattle . . .

Illustration by Zach Franzen 

How is everyone feeling out there?  I hope you are all well and safe.  I will be honest here and say right up front . . .  I am having anxiety.  Bigtime anxiety.  And I am not sure what that says about me.  Its been over a week since we were at Costco. We didn't take any chances while we were there that we know of.  We've stayed right in our house and back garden since then. Nobody has been here except our Landlord and the cleaner.  She stayed well away from us and used every protection available.  (She's a single mom and I didn't like to tell her not to come.)

Our Landlord thinks he is coming back today to take the house alarm out from the front hall, but I told Todd, I don't want him to come. He's Irish. He's too friendly with everyone out there. He walks everywhere with his dog, talks to everyone he meets, shakes their hands, is in your face because he is so friendly.  He was wearing these creepy blue gloves when he was here the other day, but I said to Todd, he probably never changes them or throws them out.  He probably keeps using the same pair over and over again.  We kept trying to get ahold of him or Billy last night to tell him not to come, but nobody was answering their phones. 

I have been trying to call Tina for two days to see how they are, but the line is permanently engaged. I worry about them because Tony, his broken ribs, the persistant cough he has had since January, Tina's problems post car-accident, etc. I will try again today. 

I worry about my oldest daugher . . .  does she understand the ramifications of this virus. She thinks it can be prevented and cured by Vitamin C and God. Is she protecting herself well enough? Is her husband who is not as intelligent as she is protecting himself?  Are they okay?  I've been trying to get her on the phone for two days also, to no avail. 

I tend to be congested every morning when I get up normally, but these last few days I am worried about that.  Is this more than my normal congestion?? I must take my temperature about 4 times a day. I'm always thinking about it. 

I worry about my 86 year old father who insists on going out for coffee twice a day, every day, in a mall around other people.  About my 82 year old husband who has had cancer and cancer treatments. About my sister who has COPD and cares for him.  For my daughter who is a nurse and on the front lines and her family.  For my DIL who is expecting a baby any day now. For my son who is a flight engineer, and I am not sure if he was on that flight exercise to Italy or not.  For my son who has a heart condition and his family.  And for my other son and his family, period.  I worry. 

And I hate that that is who I have become.
Or the prospect that this is the new normal. 


I am trying really hard to be a woman of faith and trust.  To let go and let God . . .  but I am only human I suppose and I am feeling anxious, no matter how much I try to stuff it down.  I am sick of watching the news because its all about this pandemic, but at the same time I feel the need to watch it just in case a big announcement is made, etc. 

I made a funny little video on my facebook page yesterday.  Just a bit of sillyness really, but it was me flying in the face of fear and trying to inject a bit of levity into our new normal.  To bring a smile to other people's faces that I know are probably feeling the same way as I am.  

I had two packages left on my doorstep the other day and I still haven't opened them.  I pushed them into the house with my feet and I have left them sitting there, waiting four days for the germs to die on them before I actually touch them and open them. (Talk about paranoid.) 

I have always been a bit of a hypochondriac anyways.  That's why I don't watch medical dramas that are actually about people and diseases and dying, etc.  I find myself second guessing every little ache and twinge afterwards . . .  Doctor Google is my best friend. 

I am always asking Doctor Google questions and it freaks me out when before I have even typed out the whole question, he finishes it for me.  Its like oh my goodness . . . is what I am asking so real that its common?  Do I have it? 

I hate that our Government is saying that by Saturday they will be recommending that anyone over 70 or with underlying health conditions self isolate.  Why Saturday?  Why not now?  Are they hoping that we will all go out there, infect ourselves and then go home to die?  They are telling us we will have to self isolate for 3 months.

Why are our schools still open?  I can still hear the children playing on the playground ringing through the air at break times.  Every other country has shut their schools.  MCDONALD'S IS SHUT for goodness sakes!  Why are our schools still open?   

Why?  Why?  Why?

I am grateful that we have food storage.  That I have some cash in the house if I need it. That our car is full of petrol. That I can go online and listen to uplifting and encouraging talks from people of faith. That I can listen to uplifting music on the Mormon channel.  That I have modern technology which means I can facetime with my two sons when they want to.  I facetimed with my middle son yesterday and saw my grandsons at play driving them crazy from being shut in, etc.  I don't know which is worse for them.  The fear of the Virus virus  (I won't elevate it by capitalising it.) or being stuck in a house with three active boys with energy to spend. My son still has to work, although he had already taken this week off because of  March break.  My DIL still has to work also. 

How are people who have and need to work going to pay their bills if they are struck off because the companies can't afford to stay open? And they don't have jobs that they can do at home? 

So this is me, having anxiety, about things I can't control. Me who is a bit of a control freak, having to give up control completely because there just isn't anything I can do about it. At. All.  Except . . . . Let Go, Let God.

And I'm trying I really am.  But its hard.  And I'm human. And sometimes I am really weak. 

 Seriously, how are you doing? I really want to know.  A trouble shared is a trouble halved. 

In The English Kitchen today  . . .  homemade Lemon Puff Biscuits/Cookies.  Terribly delicious.

Have a great day. Stay safe and stay healthy.  Don't forget! 

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And I do too!     



  1. Just left Jeanie this update..
    The number of deaths are higher in Europe than China right now..Parisians were not heading they seem to be..
    So many don't get the utter importance of self -isolation.
    I am in great hands in Québec.Monsieur Francois Legault is at the forefront in taking care of us..
    who knows what's next..stores are mostly closed except pharmas and grocery..Davids Teas..Sephora..restos..
    I am touched by all the acts of kindeness I see in the community.
    Restos are doing home delivery.
    You cannot help but think of everyone and how this affects them..
    from small businesses to large corps.
    We have snowbirds trying to come home..airports what a zoo..
    Take care..take care take care.
    I am fine at home..have an appt Friday..wonder if its still the medical field..Dentists are closed..
    That's my update.
    Take care Marie and Todd..we worry about everyone don't we?
    And it's a worry about leads to another..

    1. Thanks for your update Monique. I hate this new normal, and pray that things get better. There are many acts of kindness going on here as well. My next door neighbor and I are checking up with each other daily, and I have been in touch with a few shut ins. The cream is rising to the top and people are reaching out to others with whatever means they have. Our cleaner has said she will walk our dog, do whatever she can do for us. In the meantime her daughter is still in school. I don't understand that. Have we learnt nothing from Italy? You take care and stay safe. I hope your appointment goes alright. I did get ahold of Tina's husband this morning. He had an appointment and she had already left for hers in Liverpool, where the virus has a strong foothold. Sheesh . . . it beggars belief, but it is what it is. I wish that someone would let me know how my two who have no contact are. I worry, we all worry. xoxo

    2. I am sure your other children can find out? Well..sure..what does that mean right?Now US borders and here are they say it may be 18 months.I wonder the impact on our children and grandchildren?

  2. Oh, dear, Marie, you have such a lot on your mind right now. It certainly is trying times. It's human nature to worry about our family and friends. Small comfort to tell you most of the things we worry about never happens. I had a very quiet birthday yesterday so I think I'll contine to celebrate, lol. I'm anticipaing receiving your package any day now. That is happy news about a new grandchild. Hope you were able to reach Tina and Billie. Take gentle care. We're all in this together. Hugs, Elaine

    1. Oh, I am so disappointed that you package did not arrive! Oh well, something to look forward to! Love and hugs to you and Larry. Stay safe and stay well. xoxo

  3. Oh I am so sorry you're so afraid. I do have my one child close by so that really helps me. I have to watch my grandson while they if they get it from work I expect we will get it too.

    But please....stop watching the news. Just turn it off. And don't google anything unless it's recipes or gardening or decorating. It is not helpful at all.

    My favorite verse for fear is 2 Timothy 1:7 "But God has not given us the spirit of fear but of power & of love & of a sound mind" God never sends fear. He gives you the power to face it. Unrealistic or anxiety is not having a sound mind. It's not that I am never afraid...but when I feel that sick tight feeling of fear in my stomach I pray this verse. I tell God this is his promise to me....that I know I'm allowing fear to overtake my mind instead of faith.

    Pray this verse when you feel fear. You may need to do it constantly. Write it out over & over. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you have peace.

    I do hope you will find peace. This is a hard time but we all have known all along that we will eventually die so it isn't anything new. Try to live in the moment you're in. I hope each day gets better for you.

    1. Thanks Jenny, you are not wrong about any of this. I know. I am not afraid to die. I am afraid to die without having dotted all my i's and crossed all my t's. I think that will be my goal over the next few days. Love and hugs. xoxo

  4. Our schools closed and they re saying they may not reopen at all this year. We none of us know what will happen, but I plan to stay in unless I have to go out for a necessity. It's not worth the bother otherwise. I could ask my son or daughter to pick things up for me if I had too. Yes the only think we can do is pray the good Lord takes care of what we cannot do. We need to put our faith into action and believe.

    1. Thanks for your light of positivity Pam. You are a treasure. xoxo

  5. Oh my dear friend, I have so missed reading your posts. Yup! It's anxiety time for sure. I too am worried about different concerns with children. Both my husband and I are 74 years old and have underlying health conditions.
    Our temple is closed so we will only go into help for a living endowment or sealings. I'm praying for extra protection if we do that.
    Then today, we had a 5.7 earthquake that caused us to jump out of bed.
    I'm for just following the Prophet, praying mightily and doing all the things possible to strength my faith and "Trust in the Lord". We do have many promises given if we do our part.
    I am hoping that this will increase the ministering in our Stake and Ward.
    Now I should have time to start reading blog posts again and I did do a short one yesterday.
    I'm praying for all my special friends like you so I hope you two will stay safe and healthy.
    I think this is prophecies fulfilling and perhaps our beloved Savior isn't that far away.
    Prayers, blessings and hugs for you!

  6. Hi Marie~

    We are doing great! We are self-isolating and trying to NOT go anywhere unless absolutely necessary. It is a really stressful time for us as well, we are trying to stay away from our family, especially Averi, who is very compromised. We do need to go out tomorrow, but we will make it quick, and try to keep a good distance between anyone we have to see. I am high-risk, so it scared me...a lot. Hand sanitizer is definitely my friend. I wonder how long it will last, how many friends will I lose, will I be one of them, how will this affect the future? So many questions that have no answers. All we can do is pray, and remember that we are in the palm of His hand, no matter what, we will be okay.

    I have loved the videos, Marie!! Don't stop making them, I love seeing you and hearing your voice! Love you and Todd, stay inside and stay healthy! XOXO

    Hugs and Love,

  7. It is hard, Marie...I understand how it is...we do worry over our children even if they seem not concerned for us!! Take gentle care of yourself...I am trying to work on my book of memories for my offspring. Along with extra work otherwise. Hubby still not where I hope he will be soon...but seems SOME better. We were to go pick up meds today...but the lousy insurance company decided to not only mess up stuff on 1 med, but 2...both for high blood pressure. There should be some serious punishment for such. But once things settle down more, maybe it is time for me to go a couple miles down the road from our place, to talk with the state insurance commissioner (they decide who gets to practice insurance within the state and DO have power!!) Not what I would like to be doing. But we will least I have meds to last me for a little while. Seems all the crooks get busy whenever a crisis hits (already have the raised rent issue). Thanks guys...oh well, we know no one gets away with such in the long run...and this ole life is not the important one!! Sending hugs and lots of love,


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