Sunday, 6 October 2013

Sunday morning shuffle . . .

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I hab a cold.  My nose is stuffed up and my chest is full.  Blah.   Despite my best efforts and taking rosehip syrup every day . . . I did not escape.  Oh well.   Praying it doesn't stick around for too long like it did last autumn! 

Despite my cold I was still able to watch some of our church's annual General Conference last evening with Todd.  I love sitting next to my husband and listening to what our leaders have to share with us.   I always take notes, hoping to grab a scrap of beautiful inspiration that will speak to my heart in a meaningful way.  I am never disappointed.   Never.

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One of my favourite talks thus far has to be the one that Elder Jeffrey R Holland gave on Broken Vessels, regarding the plague of mental illness and depression which dogs a lot of people in these, the latter days, and brings us down.   I am no stranger to depression.  His words rang true to my heart, and touched my soul.   I remember a time back in 1981 when I was the young mother of a newborn son.   With three children in diapers, and having been just told that my eldest child was developmentally challenged I do believe I felt at the very lowest point ever in my life.  Living far away from my family and with a husband who had enough to deal with, with his job and trying to support a large family,  I felt utterly and completely alone in my experience.  I can remember going downstairs one day into our basement and looking at the rafters above my head and thinking . . . if only I had the courage to do so . . . I could make this all stop.  Thankfully I did not have the courage and my sense of responsability to my wee children would not let me do anything such as this, but I did despair . . . I did despair. 

When I was a young teenager in a new school in a new town, being teased and tormented by the other kids at school.  Being called a Lesbian, and treated like a pariah, not being able to share that with my parents . . . feeling utterly alone and lonely.   Thank God that social media did not exist at that time.

When I was a young bride for the first time, with a new born son and having everything around me fall to pieces, feeling like I had failed . . . having to return home to my parents house and eating crow, because they had been right . . .

There have been many times in my life where I have felt utterly alone and in the very depths of despair, lacking in hope and faith in the future.  

 Oh how I wish I had had the words of this mouthpiece of the Lordduring those times of hopelessness.    You can listen to the entirety of his talk here.   Please do watch it.  You do not have to be a Latter Day Saint to get something out of his words.  It is 14  minutes in length but it will be the best gift you could give yourself today.  It may be that you are not depressed or ill yourself, but that you know someone who is and you want to help them.   Whatever your situation, these words will uplift, inspire and heal.

"Trust in God, hold on to His love, know that one day the dawn will break brightly and all shadows of mortality will flee."
~ Elder Jeffrey R Holland  

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It was several years ago now that somebody left some really nasty words in the comments section of this blog.   They cut me to the core.   Although what they said was not totally true, there was a tiny shred of truth in them . . . just enough to pierce my heart and wound me in a very deep way. I knew who had done it and the motivation behind them and the mean-spiritedness that caused them.   And they know, even now, that I knew their source, however much they tried to hide behind anonymity.  You may change your name, but the spirit of your nature always rings true to form.   I think the thing that wounded me most with them was the knowledge that those people in my life who meant and mean the very most to me had been led to believe the verity of them.   They were vile words and cutting words, and over the past several years I have taken them out and punished myself with them from time to time.  I had done so again just recently.   There was another talk yesterday which pierced me to the core.  It was as if Heavenly Father was speaking to me and me alone, and I know that the talk had nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that we often allow regrets of the past to drag us down and colour our future, but that is what it spoke to my heart.  I will paraphrase a few of the words I jotted down . . .

"Never look back . . . the past is to be learned from, not lived in.  Faith is always pointing towards the future.   Look ahead and believe."
~Elder Edward Dube

I will punish myself no more.  I've done my time.

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My daughter in law Sara (and I feel about her in that way, although she and my son are not married) posted this lovely photo yesterday of our beautiful little Cameron.  He is four months old now and as cute and as bright as a button.  I cannot wait to one day be able to spend some real time with him, but I am grateful now for these little snippets I am gifted with from time to time.   He greatly resembles our Bruce at the moment, but I know that these things change with time that passes, and one day he will just look like . . . Cameron.  ☺

A thought to take with you through today . . .

“You can become blind
by seeing each day as a similar one.
Each day is a different one,
each day brings a miracle of its own.
It's just a matter of paying attention
to this miracle.”
-- Paulo Coelho

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Baking in The English Kitchen today . . . Toffee Apple Crumble.  Soooo scrummy and the perfect size for just two.

Have a wonderful Sunday!


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