I was awake really early this morning, although I didn't get out of bed until my normal time. That's what the time change does to me. It really messes up my internal clock and it takes me days to get myself sorted. It messes with Nutmeg's internal clock too. He is so funny. These last few days he has taken to sitting next to me at the computer while I am working about an hour before their lunch meal and he bats me every few minutes and meows, trying to get my attention I suppose. I am ignoring him for as long as I can, but it's not easy. He is very persistent.
My cleaners ended up not coming yesterday as one of them was not feeling well and she didn't want to bring any germs or viruses into my house, especially with Eileen recovering. That was quite thoughtful I thought. They have rescheduled for later in the day on Thursday.
I know I could probably do all the cleaning myself, but ... it's not that I am lazy, but I have so many other things I need to do if I can afford to have someone do it for me, then that's what I want. To me its worth every penny and I love the way my house smells and feels afterwards. I'm really picky with my bathroom and they keep it sparkling. That's important to me.
I'm not sure if I told you already or not, but we have missionaries back here now. Missionary Sisters. Sister Marshall and Sister Wendt. Very nice young ladies. It's been a few years since we had missionaries here. They messaged me yesterday morning asking me if I would go out teaching with them last night. They had two appointments. One at 6 and one at 6:30 right here in town. I said I would go, even though, to be honest, I don't like driving after dark. My cataracts make it hard for me to see properly.
The 6:30 one ended up canceling though so it was just the 6:00 one. I drove there and so did the sisters but the person ghosted us. It happens. Its a bit of a shame though when it does.
Anyways, I was glad that I had taken myself out of my comfort zone to go with them. Hopefully there will be more opportunities for me to do so. I am sure that there will be.
You may or may not have noticed that there are a lot of post services being offered nowadays. Post services that you can subscribe to where you will get a letter, etc. each month to inspire you and cheery you up. I watch this girl on YouTube, Jennilee of The Pioneer Home. I love her videos. They are so calming and inspirational. She has a mail club, The Pioneer Post. I had subscribed back the first of August. But, I never got anything, so I contacted her. My address was correct, etc. So she resent them and they were lovely little letters, with postcards, recipe cards, and a lovely newsy letter. Quite nice. I have often thought of doing something the same myself, but I don't even know how to go about it. Where to get the stuff printed, etc. It bears looking into I think. I write here every day anyways. It would not take much more of an effort for me to do a mail out newsletter, and I think I would enjoy it.
What are your thoughts?
I've thought a lot about sending my daughter her birthday card or not. Thanks for your input. I don't think you can ever go wrong by doing the right thing, and the right thing would be for me to send it, whether she cares or not. At least then I will have done the right thing and nobody can accuse me of not doing so. My sister thinks I should sign it Marie, lol I don't know about that. It is tempting, but then would it really be the right thing? I don't know . . .
Its very dark out there this morning, with leaden skies and a light rain falling. I am not complaining, it will be snow soon enough. I have to go out and break down all my garden things, take the teeth out of the pumpkin to give back to Dan, dump the worn out geraniums, etc.
Get ready for winter. Its that time of year.
The other day Zillah dropped off two Halloween cupcakes and treats for Eileen and myself. I just looked over at the table and mine is still sitting there. Eileen ate hers and enjoyed it. I will probably give her mine as well. I just can't bring myself to eat it. I know it is delicious, but I've been doing really well staying away from things like that. I suppose there is a part of me that is scared that if I open the door even just a crack I will let the flood in, and . . . I don't want to do that.
Emotionally this is a difficult week for me. It's been six years ago on Saturday that I arrived back here in Canada, so broken. I have come so far since then, and I am proud of myself. I was thinking back on the journey. It's hard not to. The way I saw the geese flying overhead the night before I left to come back, etc. So many signs that I was doing the right thing. And I can say in retrospect that it was definitely, absolutely the right thing for me to do.
And now, here I am . . . if not thriving, very close to it. I feel solid emotionally and I am happy with my life. I do have lots of joy in it. I am so grateful that I have been able to be here for Eileen. I was thinking about it in bed last night. God's timing. Eileen and I were always close. It's a different kind of mother/daughter relationship because of her learning disability, but it's a beautiful relationship. We don't connect on some levels but we connect on all the ones that matter most. She is my best friend, and these last 10 months have been really special ones for both of us. We do laugh a lot. I am very proud of her. She has come through some very heavy things and done so with a smile on her face and loads of courage.
I feel like Esther in the Bible . . . being led here to this . . . for this moment.
I am learning to dwell on my blessings rather than my losses. Oh, for sure the losses will always be there and they bring with them a certain amount of heartache, but, I can live with them. I remember one day when I was still in the U.K. . . . I could feel my youngest two pulling away from me and I thought to myself I will never be able to handle this. I thought in that moment that my heart was going to break into a million pieces and never recover from the pain of it all. I really felt like I might lose my mind. Its a funny pain to describe, and I don't mean ha ha funny. Anyways at that time I never thought that I would get to the point where I could live with it. But somehow you learn to live with it, and while it does always hurt, you teach yourself not to let the hurt from it dominate your life. Those "I think I will go crazy from the pain of it" moments become fewer and fewer.
When what you always thought was unimaginable becomes real, you just have to learn to live with it, or you will be destroyed from it and I have learned that my spirit is far too strong to allow that to happen.
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This spoke to me this morning . . .
In The English Kitchen today . . . Deli Style Roast Beef Sandwich. I made this for Eileen the other day and she loved it. She actually took it with her to Tim Hortons. (Not sure what they think of this kind of thing, but nobody ever says anything.) I like these Naan Sandwich Breads. They make a great sandwich!
I hope you have a beautiful Wednesday. I hope the rain goes off here. It's coming down fairly heavy at the moment. Time will tell. Anyways, be happy, stay safe, be blessed, don't forget!
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