Wednesday Witterings . . .

 

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Isn't this pretty!

I started taking an online course through my church last night.  Financial self-reliance.  At the end of it I will get a certificate from the LDS Business College. Believe it or not, I have never been taught the basics of budgeting etc. I went from my father's house to my husband's house, three of them, and in all cases my husbands were in charge of the finances. This time I am living now is the first time in my life that I have been solely responsible for everything, financially and otherwise. I know, sad to think that here I am at 69 just learning these things, but it's quite true. Even when I was working, I was not in charge of where the money went, etc. that was someone else's domain, and I quite happily left them to it.

You are never too old to learn new things.

One of my weaknesses is I spend money on others too freely, and I don't know why I do this.  Trying to buy love and acceptance?  I don't know. But I do it all the time. I need to learn how to curb that weakness and be more reasonable.  I think my love language is serving others and there are many ways to serve rather than buying gifts. 

I'm also fiercely independent and rather than ask for help, I will pay for help. I need to learn to ask.  It is a humbling experience to be sure.

 

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Amidst the chaos of modern life this is something we all need to embrace.  Slow Living. Simplifying.  Cutting back. Living in the moment. Being present. I know I feel the yearning to simplify things all the time. I may have started off with very little, but I have managed to fill my house with stuff, and I am not sure why or how I did it.  I think I have some very tangible weaknesses.  Yarn. Fabric. Candles. Cookbooks. Before I buy any more of these things I need to use up what I already have.  I am like a crow that sees sparkle. When I see a new candle scent it calls to me like a siren's song to a Captain of the sea. How much pleasure are they bringing me if they are stored in a box in the closet. I could probably burn a candle every day for the next couple of years and still have candles to burn. I will never cook all the recipes that I have collected, not in a million years, and it is time for me to use up that fabric and yarn. 

I don't know why I save these things for future times. The future is now.  I need to use them now and enjoy them now. I could be making gifts to give to people rather than buying them. That is my goal. I will have the pleasure of making them, whilst I use up some of what I have gathered, and I will be able to give some joy to someone else with the fruits of my labors. And it will be good enough. Embracing simplicity. Inner peace.  Here and now.  Soul connection.  It's a good thing.

It seems like every other day there is some sort of food being recalled.  This morning it was Tuna. I don't think right here in Canada, but I can't be sure. I will have to check my tuna to see if it is affected. Lots of times it is for things like undeclared allergens, which is not so bad if you are not allergic to things, but other times it is a bit more serious, like today's tuna recall. Botulism from cans with the easy pull lids. You can read about it here if you have not heard about it.

I think perhaps we rely too much on processed foods these days.  I know I am guilty of it myself. It is much cheaper for me to buy a ready mixed salad than to buy all of the ingredients to make my own salad.  I tend to buy them because less of it will go to waste as well, but I still end up wasting half of it because they don't taste right. I can taste bleach or something in the lettuce, some sort of flavor that I don't like that much. 

When I was much, much younger I used to think a TV Dinner was a treat. Or a frozen Pot Pie. I don't think so anymore. Nothing seems to taste the way it used to. Either my tastes have changed, or the quality of these things has decreased.

How much better to just buy the ingredients and make things yourself, even if it does take time.

 

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I have taken to watching the Cranford series again on BritBox. I so loved this series the first time it came out and have revisited it several times since. I know we tend to romanticize the past.  I love series such as this, or Larkrise to Candleford, anything Jane Austin, Poldark, etc. In all truth, unless you were very wealthy, things were not so nice for people back in those times. I would be more likely to have been the person changing the chamber pots than the person sitting in the parlor supping on hot tea and crumpets.

But it is nice to watch these programs anyways and to dream that maybe we would have been in the parlor. That they were kinder, gentler times, even if they were not always. I do so enjoy them.  There is not a lot of smut in these shows, no swearing, no violence.  They are pretty tame and quite entertaining. Nice.  I like nice.

 

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Yes please, and that is why I do not watch the news. It is far too upsetting; on both sides of the coin, I reckon. Everywhere. It is always doom and gloom.  Good news doesn't sell papers.  

I much rather enjoy a quiet life, blissfully unaware for the most part of what is going on in the world, or at least not dwelling on it. There is not a lot that I, in and of myself, can do about any of it anyways.  So I just try to ignore it all as best as I can.

Life is so much better that way, happier, more contented. I am much happier and more content without having to worry about stuff. If that makes me ignorant, then I am blissfully so. 

For me, simplicity is the better way. I have far better things to do with my time than to juju the cookies when they come out of the oven so that they are perfectly round. They still taste the same, however irregular they might look.

 

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That is not to say that I don't have moments when I just want to throw myself down on my bed and sob my heart out. I do.  I am only human. I do have moments when I cry over the fact that for some reason my life has turned out quite differently than I ever thought it would.  Why I find myself at this age alone and unloved.  No Valentines for me. Why some of my much beloved children have turned their backs on me. Why I find myself in the position where I will have to work until the day I die.  I do have moments when I cry about those very things, and moments when the fear of an unknown future tries to cloud out my joy . . .  but trust me when I say that crying doesn't change a thing. It doesn't make me feel any better and it doesn't take those things away. It destroys my peace. Comparison, whether it be to those around you, or to the future you thought you might have had . . .  it is the thief of joy.  Don't let it steal your joy.  When I find myself thinking or feeling that way, I change the trajectory of my thoughts. I dwell on what I do have rather than what I wanted to have or thought I should have had.  I dry my tears and immerse myself in something uplifting. I remember that whatever it is, this is my life, and I hold all the power to make it a good one or a bad one. I remind myself of the people who do love me and want me in their lives.  I look around and see what, through the grace of God (because all good things come from Him) has given me, and I count my blessings, of which there are many. Here and now. I will not allow myself to dwell in the "woe is me" game, not for very long anyways.

 

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Sometimes I tire myself out.  Like yesterday.  I put too much on my plate. It was not enough to cook one thing. I had to cook three different things, and do my laundry, and visit my next-door neighbor, and fold my laundry, change my bed, dust, do the vacuuming, wash the floors, clean up from my cooking, and take a course. Not that any of what I did was bad things. None of it was. But I need to learn to pace myself more.  Take more breaks so I don't exhaust myself overly so. I am no longer a spring chicken.

I did not get a video done this week, again. To be honest, I do struggle with topics to do a video on.  Things I can reasonably fit into the time allotted.  It also involves a lot of work.  I just can't go into the kitchen and start doing a video. Even as simple and unelaborate as they are. I have to plan and have everything ready to go before I start. 

Then there is the problem of the speed of my internet.  I am supposed to have high speed, and I pay a lot for it. (do I ever, over $200 a month) but I always run out of the high speed in the week running up to the end of my payment period. It goes from the 15th to the 15th. As soon as I reach a certain amount of whatever's, the speed of it drops down and stays down until the 15th and that is where I find myself this week.  The last time I tried to upload a video when my speed was down it took over 48 hours to upload. That was very frustrating for me. And so, I think I am going to wait until next week to do one.

High speed fiber internet is not available on my street.  When they were putting in the street, they did something to the cables. I only have high speed satellite internet available to me. (Even though the streets on either side of me do have the fiber.) It is just something I have to put up with. At least my rent will never go up.

 

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To be honest, none of my videos get a lot of views really, although the people that do watch them seem to like them, which amazes me as they are not very sophisticated videos. Statistically the people who view my videos are all women over the age of 65. I have no appeal to the younger audience, which is fine. I am not sure what the magic essence is. I watch this one lady who gets on and moans about her health, lack of money, etc. and she has thousands of views within hours of posting (One of them being me). None of my videos have reached that level, not even over months of time. But I am not about to start moaning about my health and lack of money. (Don't worry, ha ha) 

I am not sure how I could ever cope with it if I had too many people watching.  I think that it is a double-edged sword.  You get critics then, and I am not sure my skin is thick enough to abide too much criticism. And there is a certain level of expectation to produce content regularly. I have enough to do without having to meet those expectations. I would rather just keep on as I have been, popping one out when and as the inspiration strikes.  

I do admire these young moms who create videos weekly, however. With sewing, cooking, caring for their families and homes. How do they find the time?  I never would have had time to create like that when my children were young. I was far too busy.  With five children, I had a never-ending pile of laundry and was always playing catch-up with the house. Any sewing or crafting I did had to be done in the evening after they were all settled. I don't know how they do it! They must have very understanding husbands and husbands who are willing to help out with things.

And with that I best leave you with a thought for the day. I have wattled on long enough!

A thought to carry with you . . . 

° * 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •
•。★★ 。* 。
° 。 ° ˛˚˛ * _Π_____*。*˚
˚ ˛ •˛•˚ */______/~＼。˚ ˚ ˛
˚ ˛ •˛• ˚ ｜ 田田 ｜門 ★

*.Never let loyalty and kindness

leave you. Tie them around your

neck as a reminder.  Write them

deep within your heart.

~Proverbs 3:3° * 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •

° * 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •

In The English Kitchen today . . .  Carrot & Potato Soup.  Economical and hearty. Delicious too! A tasty way to watch your pennies. 

Its freezing cold out there this morning everyone.  Stay warm and be safe when you are out and about.  Whatever you get up to, have a beautiful day and don't forget!

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And I do too!