Wednesday ponderings . . .

 

I have been working really hard at transitioning to my "new normal." I have good moments and bad moments, like anyone would.  It is still really difficult for me to reconcile in my head the reality of who my husband was with my perception of who he was.  The two people just don't mesh.  They are totally different people. 

I have not heard from him yet. I know quite a few other people have gotten letters from him. He appears to be quite concerned about what has happened to his things and his stuff, his furniture, books, etc. I can understand that.  I have lost everything too  and I didn't do anything wrong. 

 

I do agree however it will be much more difficult to start all over with nothing when you are 86 years old, which will be the approximate age he will be when he gets out if he gets out at the earliest time possible. But I am trying very hard not to feel sorry for him. This is all his doing. 

 

We are to pray for those who despitefully use us and to forgive a hundred times seven and to have compassionate on others. You can see my struggle.   

 

 

 

Some well-meaning people (at least I think they are well-meaning) have sent me newspaper articles about the whole sordid business.  Please don't send me those.  I have read all I ever need to read about it.  Reading about it over and over again doesn' t help me, or enlighten me, or make me feel any better.  Its like picking a scab. The longer you pick at a scab, the longer it takes for the wound to heal.

I basically know what he did. I think it was despicable. I am not helped by re-hashing it again and again.  Don't get me wrong. I know people mean well, this is just not very helpful and in fact . . .  it hurts to see it again.  Every. Single. Time.

I hate feeling like the car crash, with people slowing down to have a good look as they drive past.

 

There is one thing that I want people to know, however . . . 

This did not happen because my husband was a Mormon, or a Latter Day Saint or whatever you choose to call our church.  This happened because my husband was a sick person, a bad person, and person with a serious mental problem . . .  a psychopath as it were.

My church is filled with lovely, loving, kind, and incredibly devout people. Good people. People who would never hurt anyone. The fact that my husband was a member of this church should never be seen as something to use against the church.  He was simply a bad person who chose to go to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. 

These people, psychopaths . . .  are experts at disguising who they are and they walk quietly amongst us. They are teachers and Doctors and Lawyers and Grocery Store Clerks and Celebrities, and  . . .  whatever.  They are present in every walk of life. They don't carry a sign which tells you who they are. Quite often they are the nicest people you could ever want to meet. This is how they get away with what they get away with for as long as they get away with it.

 

So please don't blame my church. That's quite hurtful to all the good people in the church, including myself.  

 

 

Many years ago my second husband and I were friends with a lovely couple.  They were members of the church. We loved them both very much. It ended up he went to prison for abusing his daughters. My ex husband used to love to bring up the fact that he was a Latter Day Saint, like that had caused it.  Another of his friends, a Calgary City Police Officer went to prison for the same thing and for longer. Oddly enough being a Police Officer never caused him to offend. LOL  I used to wonder at the reasoning behind it.  Bad people come in every colour, religion, race, sex, occupation, etc. Bad people are bad people. 

 

 

I got to use one of my new toys yesterday. (Thank you Jan and pups!) Having one of these has been a dream of mine for a very long time.  It is one heavy piece of equipment, but wowsa. What a fabulous kitchen tool. I used to have one at the Manor that I got to use regularly.  I loved it and had always wanted one for myself. A red one.  Dreams can and do come true. 

 

 

I used it to mix up and knead the dough for my parker house rolls.  It did a beautiful job.  The texture of the rolls was beautiful.  My shaping skills however  . . . 

 

King Arthur Baking 

 

This is how they should have looked . . .   

 

 

 

Try not to laugh too hard.  Not very many of them stayed folded over.  They did taste fabulous however!  We enjoyed some of them with our supper last night and will enjoy the rest of them today with our baked beans.  I do love a mess of homemade baked beans, don't you?

And with that I will leave you with a thought for the day . . . 

° * 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •
•。★★ 。* 。
° 。 ° ˛˚˛ * _Π_____*。*˚
˚ ˛ •˛•˚ */______/~＼。˚ ˚ ˛
˚ ˛ •˛• ˚ ｜ 田田 ｜門 ★
 *Every Saint has a past

and every Sinner has a future.

~Oscar Wilde  •。★★ 。* 。

 

 

In The English Kitchen today  Little Chair Rolls, lol  . . .  Roasted Garlic Parker House Rolls.  Deliciously different.

I hope that you have a beautiful Wednesday.  Don't forget! 

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And I do too!