Today . . .

 

I think yesterday was the hardest day I have had for a very long time.  It may have even been the most difficult day of my life, for a variety of reasons.  This scripture is one that I have had over my mantle  here in the house almost since we moved into it ten years ago.  Yesterday I was so grateful for its reminder.  I can do hard things.

I think I cried a bucketful of tears yesterday. I know I went through half a box of tissues.  At one point I almost passed out from shock, but somehow I got through it and I suspect each day from here on in will hopefully get that little bit easier.  

 

 

 

This is it.  All that I am taking forward with me from the last twenty years of my life. Nine small boxes and let me tell you, I am grateful for those.  My mothers letters, my big blue binder, my art supplies, a few bits and bobs. Its not a lot to show for twenty years of your life, but there it is.  I am grateful for whatever I have been allowed to keep. God is good. 

 

She's gone.  This was one of the hardest bits of yesterday, and there were a lot of hard bits. This morning was the first morning in over ten years that I have not had my furry little girl to greet me. I am trying hard not to cry here. I think I cried enough yesterday. But, there it is. I think she knew all day yesterday that something was going on.  Dogs are so very sensitive.  I hope the she settled in alright to her new home. I dread to think of what is going through her mind. I hope that she knows I love her and tried to do the best for her. And I'm off, here come the tears.  Change of subject.

 

All through lockdown I have been having my prescriptions delivered to the house.  I needed to be able to take at least three months worth of prescriptions with me when I leave on Friday. I have no idea how long it will take me to get onto Medical Insurance when I reach Canada. It vary's from province to province. So anyways, the Doctor arranged for me to have three months worth.  I called up to make sure they were there and that they were going to be delivered only to be told they only deliver prescriptions to the elderly. I tried to explain that I am somewhat disabled and have no car. 

 

TOTALLY NON-SYMPATHETIC WHATSOEVER. 

I was told no dice.  I said I have trouble just walking to the end of the street.  No dice. "You only live on Dyserth Road."  she said.  I said, but I am disabled. I have trouble just waking to the end of my street.  "They'll be in a carrier bag." she said.  I need to use a cane I responded.  "You can easily use a carrier bag." response. 

Thank goodness for Tina, who was able to drive me down.  She actually went in and picked them up for me because I was in bits.  She came back to the car, and it did not look like three months worth.  Sure enough, it was only one.  She went back in to query this, and was huffed at, only to have (and this is true) another bag flung at her. 

I should have checked at the time, but didn't.  I checked this morning, there was only one month's worth in the bag.  So now I am going to have to contact them again and see if I can please get the third months worth.  I am disgusted and appalled at the treatment I have been subjected to, and more than a little afraid to call back this morning. 

 

 

 

As you all know I have been going through a very rough time these past few months.  I cannot get specific with the details yet, if ever, but on Monday my husband left here to go down South to face sentencing for something he had done. He had already been down about 3 weeks earlier to issue a plea.

 

He has not come home, so I can only surmise that he has been given a custodial sentence for what he did. Nobody has officially told me anything. I have not had a phone call, zip, nada, nothing. No support from anyone at all, and I have been unable to find out anything for certain.  I can find out nothing online either.  

 

I can find the record of him having had to appear at the Crown Court at a certain time, which he had texted me to tell me anyways, early yesterday morning.  But nothing since and his phone is shut off.  I do not know if he is dead or alive, had a stroke, is in prison, not anything.  

He had texted me about 9 am yesterday to tell me he would be appearing at 10 am. By noon I had heard nothing.  So I messaged a mutual friend from down there who would probably know as she is in contact with the other party.  I was told from her that he got a life sentence, to serve a minimum of 7 1/2 years. That is when I almost passed out.  

 

But officially I have heard nothing from anybody.  

I know I am leaving, and we will be getting a divorce, but I am still his next of kin and I still need to do certain things, take care of certain things and I am sitting here in the dark about everything. I should have been told something. I think that is really, really appalling. This is a person I have shared 20 years of my life with.  I have to tell his family something. They have no idea that anything has happened at all. I have utilities to cancel, all of which the accounts are in his name. I am sitting here in the dark about everything. 

 

 

But then again, I've been in the dark about everything for twenty years plus anyways.  Why should this be any different.  Let me tell you, it is no fun waking up one day to find out that the last twenty years of your life has been based on lies and manipulation.  

People think I should not care, and maybe I shouldn't. But its not like a tap where you can just turn off the water.

My Bishop was here last night, and he says he is going to try to find out something today, through the church's legal services, or whatever.  I hardly slept a wink all night. That's two nights in a row. I am exhausted.  Thoroughly and completely exhausted.  And feeling very broken at the moment as well.  And hurt.  Angry.  You name it. I truly really need your prayers and support to continue.  I thank you for every ounce of them. I really do.  God bless you all.