Sunday ponderings . . .

 

Nothing down from now on, only positive.  That's my plan for moving forward anyways. I am sure there will be a few blips here and there, I'm only human after all, but you really only lose when you fall and refuse to get back up again. 

I've had a lot of time to think about things this past week and one of the things I've been thinking about it whether I will write to Todd in prison or not, or if I should just look forward and never look back.   The reality is, although we had many happy moments, the level of deceit was so great that I don't see how I can.  He has been so manipulative throughout all of these years that I believe in writing him he will see this as a weakness in me and try to use that to wangle his way in, or make me feel sorry for him or some other thing.   

So I think not.

No letter (s) from me.

He has stolen enough from me.

 

 

 

I've spent the last twenty years taking very good care of someone who, quite honestly, should have been taking very good care of me.  Its time now for me to start taking good care of myself. I don't believe that is a selfish thing at all.

All my life I have always prioritised the needs of others, and I don't really see that changing.  I will always be a person who cares deeply about other people, but I think from now on I need to care about myself as well, and if something or someone is demeaning or dragging me down rather than helping/supporting/nuturing me, then its time to cut it loose. 

Does that sound selfish?

I hope not because

its not meant to be in any way.

Every so often I think of something I have had to leave behind and I just have to push it out of my mind. I have had enough to grieve about without grieving things/possessions.  This is my opportunity to create and make a fresh, new clear life for myself.  A life uncluttered and unfettered by the past.  There will always be things I wish I could have brought with me into my future, but I cannot let the thoughts of having had to leave them behind drag me back into the past.  The only way to truly move forward and to gain strength is to actually leave them behind emotionally as well as physically, if that makes sense. 

I saw this saying somewhere recently, "Don't look back, you don't live there anymore." That should be my motto! 

I woke up in the middle of the night last night. I had been having a bad dream. In  my dream my mother was down in the basement of the house we used to live in when we lived in Greenwood when we were in our teens.  

 

She appeared very distressed and was saying, "They've taken everything!  They've taken everything!"  

Robbers had broken in and cleared our basement of everything.  It was empty.  There was nothing there except for my mother.  I woke myself because I didn't want to see where this dream was going, or to dwell on what had been lost/taken.  

 

Funny that, because that is 

very much my mindset this morning.  

 

I have awakened myself from a bad dream and I am not going to revisit it because my future is not about what I've lost.  It is about creating a new, fresh life for myself, unfettered by the negativity of the past. There are valuable things/lessons to bring forward with me of course, but there is a healthy way of doing so and that will be my priority.   

I had a lovely facetime with my friend Jo yesterday.  Remember Jo?  She was the housekeeper when I worked at the manor, or at least for the first three years I worked there. I think its pretty wonderful that we were able to create a lasting friendship in that toxic work environment that had existed there. We did have a good laugh about some of the things "Mrs. B."  And we talked about children and life and it was just a really, really good, upbeat, positive conversation.  

 

I told her how much I had always admired how she and Colin had just simply walked away from their lives in Tunbridge Wells, pulled up stakes and moved to Broadstairs and started again from scratch.  No jobs, nothing. They were able to create beautiful lives for themselves.  Very good lives.  They are now looking at doing it again.  Their daughter, husband and granddaughter are looking to moving up to the North East at some point.  That will mean all of their family lives there.  Their oldest son (a phenomenal artist) and his wife and three almost four children already live there.  Their priority is to be near their family.  I have no doubt that they will build another good life for themselves.

You can't let the fear of an unknown future

tether you in the past.

Its that simple.  

 

So, this is me looking forward.  Six more days!  Counting today. Can't wait.  I am looking forward to meeting my sister's partner Dan.  I have always felt he was a really good guy.  This is a man when asked to leave everything and move with my sister to Nova Scotia to take care of my mom didn't think twice about it.  He did it. That speaks volumes about who he is.  He helped to take very good care of my mom and he is helping to take very good care of my father. This is a very good person. 

I had wanted to watch church on Zoom from my old Ward this morning, but I never woke up in time. I was kind of disappointed in that, but oh well, it happens. Apparently they are holding church services in my Branch back here in Nova Scotia. socially distanced, etc.  I might be able to go next week, we will see. I am not sure how I would get there at the moment and I am not sure how wise it is to get lifts from people not in our "Bubble."  We will see what happens. 

 

 

 

I did some pencil sketches yesterday.  I thought to myself, if you cared enough about that scribbler and those pencils to bring them in you suitcase then you had better use them! Excuse the poor photos taken with my iPad.   I am missing my special erasers and my blender thingies.  But nevermind, I think I did okay regardless, and it helped to pass away some of the time. 

 

 

I was sort of really happy with the peapods.  It was a great exercise in composition in any case.

Not sure what I will get up to today, but I do know that at some point I will see Eileen.  Either on her way to Tim Hortons or on her way back, probably both!

And with that I will leave you with a thought for today  . . . 

 ° * 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •
•。★★ 。* 。
° 。 ° ˛˚˛ * _Π_____*。*˚
˚ ˛ •˛•˚ */______/~＼。˚ ˚ ˛
˚ ˛ •˛• ˚ ｜ 田田 ｜門 ★
 *Be brave enough 

to be bad at something new.

~Jon Acuff  •。★★ 。* 。 

 

 

 

There is nothing totally new in the kitchen today but I am sharing these lush Chocolate Raspberry Pie Bars.  Oh my goodness, as I recall these were fabulously tasty! 

Have a wonderful Sunday and don't forget! 

═══════════ ღೋƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒღೋ ═══════════ ⊰✿░G░O░D⊰✿⊰L░O░V░E░S⊰✿⊰░Y░O░U░⊰✿
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and I do too!