Tuesday 21 January 2020

Just to say . . .


Its been a year today since we said goodbye to mom.  Its not been an easy year and I am not sure that I have ever come to terms with it. Maybe you never do. I still cry at the drop of a hat when I think of her, but I also laugh when I think of certain memories and I feel her close to me always.  I will never stop missing her.  Never.  This photo has the three of us in it. My mom, myself and my sister. Mom was about six months pregnant for Cindy in this.  You can probably see the little bulge there. That's sis.

This has been a particularly difficult year for my sister. We will be forever grateful for the love and care that she gave to mom during the last years of her life and are also grateful for the love and care that she gives to our father who is still very much alive.  We are also very grateful to Dan, her partner who has been there right by her side the whole time. Mom loved Dan and thought the world of him.



I am forever grateful for my faith which has helped to carry me and sustain me through these last twelve months.  It has given me the hope and promise that I will see my mother again and that she is in a much better place than we, a place where there is no weeping or pain or gnashing of teeth, a place of love.  

We had a really difficult day yesterday.  In the morning I baked a casserole to take over to Doreen's granddaughter and DIL.  I knew that they had enough on their plates without having to think about cooking anything for themselves.  When we got there Jenny was on her own (the granddaughter).  Billy had gone to pick up laundry at the laundromat and her mum had gone home for a break and to do some things there.  Doreen seemed a lot more settled.  They had had a hospital bed delivered during the night, and she was resting much more comfortably than she had been in her chair over the past few weeks.  She had been afraid to sleep in her bedroom.   

Sadly we had not been there very long when I realised she had stopped breathing.  She was just there, and then she wasn't.  She passed very peacefully, with people that loved her nearby.  We were able to hold her hand and stroke her forehead. We were able to comfort Jenny until her mom got back and Todd was able to call the relevant people.  It was very sad for both of us.  Doreen was my mom away from mom and one of the first friends I made here in the UK, other than Todd.  I am so grateful that we were able to make our peace with things before Christmas and have things back on the right road.  I know it meant a lot to Doreen and I hope she knew it meant a lot to me. 

I don't mind saying that this has been a crappy week.  Lets hope that next week will be a lot better. 

Despite all of this however I can still say, don't forget  

 
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And I do too.
 
 
 
 

12 comments:

  1. Oh my Marie...I am SO SORRY!! You never know however, maybe Doreen wanted to go while you were there...and her husband gone. I am glad you were able to see her some recently and were so good to take in food!! Praying GOD will comfort you dear lady...so much loss so close together!!! Keep thinking of where Doreen is now and her comfort there!!
    with hugs and love, Elizabeth oxoxo

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    1. Thanks very much Elizabeth. Billy wasn't Doreen's husband. He died a very long time ago, so I expect that there was a very joyous reunion in the hereafter yesterday. Billy was her friend and caregiver. Thanks so much for your hugs, love and prayers. xoxo

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  2. Oh, dear, Marie, another sad loss for you yesterday. You will miss Doreen. God spoke to your heart to make peace with each other and you did. You and Todd were in exactly the right place and right time yesterday to be with Doreen when she passed. And you were there to comfort her granddaughter and soften the news to Billie. Todd was there to take care of the practical things. I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you both. Hope you are able to rest a bit today and collect your thoughts. Be comforted with happy thoughts of your mom and how much she loves you. Hugs, Elaine

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    1. To die in your sleep is probably the best way any of us could go Elaine. No drama and so peaceful. It was hard even so and I did not sleep much last night. Many thanks for all your happy thoughts and prayers. Love and hugs, xoxo

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  3. God Bless you, Marie... You will miss your Mom always... But she is always with you, in heart! So very sad about Doreen... ((LOVE & BIG HUGS))

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    1. Thanks Tracy, love, hugs and prayers right back. xoxo

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  4. Oh my goodness, Marie. 'Too much heartache for you lately. I'm so sorry. I agree with what Elaine wrote above--you and Todd were where you were "supposed" to be--but I'm so sorry for loss upon loss upon loss. You are in my prayers. ♥

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    1. Some years are like that I guess Val. We will see how it goes. Hopefully this is the end of it all. Many thanks for your kindness and prayers. xoxo

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  5. Every anniversary will touch you deeply.. I would venture even 46 yrs from now..
    You have showed us your endless loe for this dear woman..we all know so much about her..and many of us have shared a similar loss so we get it..
    Your sister's loss ..I have not and cannot even imagine at all..And my thoughts are with her..I see her kindness in looking after your parents..her sweet little treasures.. the sisters you are to each others.I am terribly sorry for her and all of you.
    I agree how nice it was that you were back in Doreen's life..Marie..not sure her age..but I would like to go like that..I would..peacefully..
    So much on your plates ..Take care Marie..

    And what a trooper thinking about us all and posting..your thoughts..recipes..it's such good therapy to keep things going even when our hearts aren't into it.

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    1. Thanks Monique. I think we will always miss our moms. I cannot imagine what my sister is going through and my heart breaks every time I think about it and how she must feel. It helps to keep busy. Love and hugs and thanks. xoxo

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  6. So sorry to hear about all your losses but on the bright side at least you had them in your life. We have to be thankful the the time we got to spend with them and remember the good times. We will always miss the ones we loved and it's good to know one day we'll meet again on the other side of heaven.

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  7. Oh, sweet Marie~

    What a blessing to have your there when, Doreen passed. She probably waited until you were there so Jenny wasn't alone. What a comfort that must have been for her, you are a true angel, Marie. Bless you.

    I thought about you all day yesterday, you have been in my thoughts and prayers. You have had to endure more than your share these last few days, please try to get the rest you need. What a comfort for us to know that this is not the end, this life is just a test, so much awaits us. And, we will be able to see these amazing people again, give them hugs and kisses, and tell them we love them!

    Take care, Marie, remember you are loved. XOXO

    Hugs and Love,
    Barb

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