Healing comes when we choose to walk away
from darkness and move towards a brighter light.
~Dieter F Uchtdorf
Happy Halloween. I am afraid it is going to be a disappointing day for many children this year. I used to have nightmares when I was bringing up my children. I woud dream that all of a sudden it was Halloween and I would have forgotten to buy in any candy. In my dream I would be panicked. What was I going to give out to all the kiddies. When I think back on it, what was I worried about. Just turn off the lights and pretend you aren't home like a bazillion other folks. This year I have not gotten any in, but somehow I don't think that is going to be a problem. Maybe I can hand out cans from my food storage if anyone shows up.
That reminds me of a funny story. My ex and I had just moved to Meaford and we were living with four of our five children on a house on top of the hill in town, right next to the hospital. This was a predominantly elderly neighborhood.It was Halloween and the kids went out trick or treating. They came back with all kinds of wierd things. Apparently the neighbors there were not used to kids trick or treating. They were quite happy that the kids had come and had gone out of their way to put treats in their bags. Quite unsual things actually. Cans of soup, sardines, bottles of juice, etc. It was cute and funny at the same time.
The children were not impressed. Not only were these things not the candy bars and dreaded molasses taffies that they were used to, but all of it was heavy. We gave them each a few dollars and gave them permission to go to the corner shop to get whatever they wanted in the way of treats. Problem solved and a funny story to tell their own children one day in the future.
Oddly enough today is also an anniversary. Twenty years ago today I took up my official residency in the UK. I can still remember how excited I was. I was coming over here to begin my happily ever after. When I checked in my baggage it was overweight but because I was coming over to get married the check in people said, think of it as a wedding gift and let it go through without charging me. I had a 4 litre can of Maple syrup in one hand and my carry on in the other as I got onto that plane . . . and a heart filled with dreams. Life has a way of surprising you for sure. I would like to change the wording in the above to say that "One of the hardest things you will ever had to do, my dear is to grieve the loss of a person who never existed in the first place." First you cry, then your heart breaks, then you get angry and then you cry some more.
I have had to make the very difficult decision that I will need to find Mitzie a new home and I only have a very few days to do it in. All the quotes for shipping her over to Canada were totally unjustifiable. Its almost criminal. Four times what I am paying for my own ticket. Then they stop shipping dogs on the 1st of November for six months. I can't get her rabies shot or pet passport until the middle of this month which are two vital things in order for her to travel at all. This would mean that she would be living with another family for at least six months before she came over and would have settled in, been stable only to be upset again. She's been upset enough these past few months. I can't do that to her. Its not fair. But none of this is fair.
I have to love her enough to give her up. I know in my heart it is the right thing to do. It would not be right for me to put her through all of that stress at the age of 10 1/2. The best thing is to find her a loving home to be in that will take care of her. She is a very lovable dog. She will be happy and settle in wherever. Maybe a home with children. I always felt a bit guilty about having her in a home with two old fogies anyways. It breaks my heart but there it is . . .
I am having to do that with a lot it seems. But it beats the alternative. I cannot keep looking backwards. I need to look forwards now and just grit my teeth and forge ahead. I can have a big boo hoo when I am sitting in that motel room. For right now I need to be strong and not let the feelings in my heart break me down, or I will drown. Drowning is not an option. I will have to write a book at the end of all of this. Maybe that could be cathartic.
In the meantime Eileen has given me a list of all her movie dvd's. She wants to lend me movies to watch in my motel room. I thought that was cute. She also wants to cook and bring me food to eat and watch me eat it. I am not sure she really has a budget for that. But the fact that she wants to do it means a lot. Yesterday when we were talking she was wanting to know how to cook a pot roast, so I told her. In about three and half weeks, I will maybe be able to show her. Nova Scotia is not on a total lock down at the moment. The virus is doing very well there. There are measures that you have to follow of course, but at the moment they are not on quite as strict a lock down as they are in the other provinces apparently. We will have to see.
So now, this week I have to really pare down things to only absolutely what I cannot part with. Things like my big blue binder and mom's letters. Photographs. A few personal things. Everything else will have to go. I think you might call what's going to happen next, "Extreme Marie Kondo." I should have read the book I guess. I bought it, but never quite got down to reading it.
This will be a really fresh start.
"I" did not cause this. "I" did nothing wrong. "I" am a good person no matter what anyone says or thinks. Sometimes good people just get in the way of how other people choose to use their agency, and when that happens it knocks you over. Bad things happen to good people all the time. That doesn't mean you have to stay knocked over. Its not so much what happens to you that matters most, but how you handle what happens to you. In the end, if you can hold your head up with dignity and say "I always tried to do the right thing," that is what counts.
Each day I am going to list three things to look foward to.
- Being able to walk away from all this crap with a clear conscience.
- Getting on that plane and never looking back.
- Getting off that plane and being home.
A thought to carry with you.
° * 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •
•。★★ 。* 。
° 。 ° ˛˚˛ * _Π_____*。*˚
˚ ˛ •˛•˚ */______/~＼。˚ ˚ ˛
˚ ˛ •˛• ˚ ｜ 田田 ｜門 ★
*You cannot swim for new horizons until
•。★★ 。* 。
° 。 ° ˛˚˛ * _Π_____*。*˚
˚ ˛ •˛•˚ */______/~＼。˚ ˚ ˛
˚ ˛ •˛• ˚ ｜ 田田 ｜門 ★
*You cannot swim for new horizons until
you have courage to lose sight of the shore.
~ William Faulkner•。★★ 。* 。•。★★ 。
I haven't quite cracked the new Pic Monkey.
Talk about a learning curve.
Have a wonderful Saturday no matter what you get up to. I hope you can make Halloween for yourselves in whatever small way that you can. People here are putting up Halloween Tape on their windows and doors, cut out pumpkins in their windows, etc. I have a friend from Church who has been making a lovely Halloween for her children even though they won't be able to go out. I will drop a few photos of what I have seen here.
My friend Amy's Halloween Totem Pole
That same friends spooky window.
Another friend made monster cookies with her kids.
Spooky Brownies
More spooky cookies.
And that is just a portion of what my young friends with children
are doing with them. I think its all pretty wonderful.
Have a great day and don't forget!
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And I do too!
