Wednesday Witterings . . .

 

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I started a new study this week through Multiply Goodness on IG. We are studying the Book of Esther in the Old Testament.  The first daily reading was Esther 1:1-12  and it asked us several really important questions.  

Where did the King get his worth from?  What does this passage teach us about Vashti and where she got her worth from. And how about ourselves. Where does our value and worth come from?

So that is what I have been thinking about a lot. What is it that defines me? Where is it that I derive my value from? Do I chase the world? Do I seek to be true to myself? What is it that I allow to define my perimeters?

 

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In thinking about that I have come to acknowledge that I have always been a "pleaser," a person who has put other people's wants and desires ahead of my own.  In doing so I have often squelched my own dreams and ambitions in favor of other people's.  

My mother said that when I was little if I was playing with other children and they wanted to have the toy I was playing with, she made me give it to them. Then she noticed that other mother's did not make their children give up their toys and so with my sister and brother she did not make them give up what they were playing with to give it to someone else. 

I have found myself wondering if this simple act on my mother's part has helped to influence my choices and decisions in life?   Its quite possible that it has.  I will probably never know for sure.  I do know that if I have something, even to this day, that someone else admires or wants, I am willing to give it to them, even if I really want to keep it for myself.

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To be honest, this desire to always want to please others has certainly influenced a lot of my decisions in life.  For instance I wanted to go to Art School, but my mother wanted me to take secretarial, and so I took secretarial rather than go to Art School. I have never really worked as a Secretary.  

I have always allowed men as well, to dictate my life, to define me.  Bowing to their needs and wants rather than my own.  It is only in the past few years that I have been able to break away from that, and that was very traumatic and forced on me. Up to that point I was very happy to allow men to define me.

Had it not been for what happened I would still be very allowing this to be so.  

Now, living on my own, for the FIRST time in my life I am finding my voice of independence.  I am learning to rely on myself, and to define myself by my own accomplishments and not by what other people expect of me.  Can it be that I am becoming a feminist at the ripe age of 67? Probably not. I doubt I will ever be a feminist. I am not even sure that being a feminist isn't just another role that people want to push upon you. 

 

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I have cared a little bit too much about what other people think, or how other people feel, and in doing so I have not cared for or felt enough about myself.  And I have come to recognize that it is okay to value yourself and your accomplishments, not in the light of what others think, but in the light of how you feel about them yourself.  And I am learning to be proud of me and where I have been and where I am now and where I will go, what I have and can and will do, of who I was and am and will become.

I have made mistakes, oh boy have I made mistakes . . . who doesn't . . .  but they don't define me. What defines me is what I choose to do with the lessons and the experience from those mistakes, and how I choose to grow from them.  What defines me is knowing I am a daughter of God and as such I can do or be anything I choose or want to be, because I have it in me to do so.    

I get to choose who I want in my life. I get to choose my own value. I get to choose who I am and who I want to be.  I finally have the freedom to be  . . .  me and only me . . . not who someone expects me to be or wants me to be. I can say no, and feel good about saying no.

 

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And that is F R E E D O M.  Yes it is a bit scary too.  But it is a good kind of scary.  

I thought I would take my sister out for lunch today. She is always cooking for everyone else. Plus I have some coupons for McDonald's.  They have this new McCrispy that I was keen to try.  I've been reading reviews on it this morning however and I think I am changing my mind.

In the UK, the chicken sandwich at McDonald's was made from a real chicken breast, battered and fried. They also had chicken strips which were real pieces of chicken. Not chewed up chicken shaped into burgers or strips.  In researching this morning I think the McCrispy is a chewed up chicken patty that is supposedly larger than their regular McChicken.

I am not wanting chewed up chicken. I would rather go to Mary Browns and have a real piece of chicken.  Or buy the fixings and make my own.  Hmmm . . .  that is such a conundrum. What to do, what to do.

I want to have lunch with my sister, but perhaps there are better options available.  This is the new me, not settling for second best.  

A thought to carry with you . . . 

° * 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •

•。★★ 。* 。

° 。 ° ˛˚˛ * _Π_____*。*˚

˚ ˛ •˛•˚ */______/~＼。˚ ˚ ˛

˚ ˛ •˛• ˚ ｜ 田田 ｜門 ★

*So much in our life depends on our attitude.

The way we choose to see things

and respond to others makes all the difference.

~Thomas S Monson  •。★★ 。* 。•。★★ 。* 。

In The English Kitchen today  . . .  Ham & Potato Pie.  Sized for two, or one with leftovers.  A creamy rich ham filling topped with cheese and onion mash.  Delicious! 

I hope you have a wonderful Wednesday! Whatever you get up to don't forget!

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And I do too!