Lots to think about . . .

  

I had a bit of a funny old day yesterday.   I had an appointment at the local clinic for a blood pressure test and I so I went on over.  I also had to pick up a requisition for some blood tests.  Because I am a diabetic, they test me fairly often.  I got a phone call re my mammogram just prior to the blood pressure check.   Its not a call anyone really wants to get, nor it is a call you want to get just before having your blood pressure checked.  Needless to say I failed my mammogram and blood pressure check!

It was all I could do to get out of there and back to my car, and then home.  I cried. A lot.  I have to go to Kentville on the 2nd September for another mammogram and then an ultrasound.

Of course it may be nothing and that would be the best scenario.  I have a few symptoms that cannot be ignored and my mother had breast cancer so I although I am trying to be optimistic, there is a part of me that can't help but think that I could not be so lucky for this not to be.

And you think, why me?  Have I not had to experience enough c*** over these past few years.  Is this not just the icing on a big old c*** cake? And then you think, why not me? What makes me so special?

Nothing, that's what.  Millions of women are diagnosed with breast cancer every year.   And millions of women survive it.

First thought . . .  how am I going to pay my rent if I can't work?

Second thought . . . what am I going to do about my estranged children. I had hoped that we would somehow miraculously be able to fix that before I died.

Third thought . . . I need to get my affairs in order.

Fourth thought . . . what about my fur babies?

Fifth thought . . . if it is what I think it is, I hope that it hasn't gone too far, but if it has, I need to be ready, so again . . . get my affairs in order.  Its not fair to die and leave everyone else with a mess to take care of.

Sixth thought . . . damn him for stealing 22 years of my life and my chance to have someone worthy of sharing it with, and someone to be by my side to help me through this next challenge.

Seventh thought  . . .  he's not worth a sixth thought.

Eighth thought . . . what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Ninth thought . . . how can I use this experience to inspire and uplift others.

Tenth thought . . . you can do this. You will do this. You can go through this experience kicking and screaming and dragging your heels. Or you can go through this experience with dignity.

I choose dignity.

I am not afraid to die. Dying is a natural thing which will come to all of us at some time . . . sooner or later. And the older you get, the more sooner it will be. Its not how you die that matters so much as how you lived.

So those are my thoughts for today.  I have the foot lady coming at 10. I have half a mind to cancel because I really don't want to be dealing with anyone or chit chat today, and I am really tired.

I have lots to think about.  Don't forget! 

 ═══════════ღೋƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒღೋ═══════════ 

⊰✿░G░O░D⊰✿⊰L░O░V░E░S⊰✿⊰░Y░O░U░⊰✿

═══════════ ღೋƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒღೋ ═══════════

 

And I do too!