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I am very late getting started this morning. I was exhausted when I fell into bed last night. I fell asleep quickly, but . . . and this seems to be happening more frequently lately . . . within the first 15 minutes of falling asleep I am having a bad dream which manifests itself with flailing about and trying to holler in my sleep. They always involve a man of some sort. Last night it was a man in the kitchen. I had gone downstairs for some reason and as I reached the kitchen door I could see that there was a man in the kitchen and he came for me. I can never see his face, but I always know he is there to hurt me. I turned and started back up the stairs and I was repeating over and over again "Man in the Kitchen! Man in the Kitchen!" and I was absolutely terrified.
I wake myself up, but then I have a difficult time going back to sleep. No surprise there. I am afraid to go back to sleep because I am afraid that the dream will just repeat itself. There is always a man in these dreams and he is always trying to get to me. There is also always a doorway of some sort. Once I was in the bathroom, and when I tried to open the door, he was trying to get to me in there and I was trying to shut the door. Another time it was our front door . . . . last night the kitchen door.
These dreams are so vivid and realistic. I can't tell you who the man is. I can never see his face. Last night it was after midnight before I finally fell asleep for good. I looked up Night Terrors in Adults this morning and came across the article highlighted above. Perhaps I need to go see my GP. Perhaps I am suffering from PSTD? I don't know. I hate to think I am mentally ill!
This is the third morning in a row I am waking up to torrential rain. It is falling off the main shed roof in sheets . . . Mitzie didn't get any of her walks yesterday and she probably won't get them today. There is actually a yellow weather warning in place again today. Its also been really cold. We put the heat on a few times yesterday. Todd minds the cold a lot more than I do. I can usually just put a lap blanket over my legs and I will be okay. Hopefully all of this rain doesn't ruin our strawberry crop. There has been flooding in many areas.
That reminds me of the first year I was living here in the UK. 2000-2001. It rained literally every single day. That was the year I realised that people don't melt in the rain. Back home if it was raining we didn't go out unless we absolutely had to. If you did that here, you might never get out at times, for days and days and days . . . That year there was widespread flooding across the SouthWest. It was horrendous, and quite sad . . .
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And I have three of them! Lucky me!
I got to facetime with our Doug yesterday. He seems to be doing well. He had been to his Doctor in the morning. He is still very tired, naturally. He's been through a lot. He still hasn't gone up the stairs where they live. He's been sleeping on the sofa. I hope he will be okay. There is bound to be a bit of anxiety and depression after what he has been through. Its only natural. Thanks so much for your prayers. He reminded me yesterday that Martin Sheen (the actor) had had a heart attack when he was 36 and working on that film Apocalypse Now. Martin Sheen is a very active 78 year old now. That is encouraging to me and hopefully to Doug! It must be because he mentioned it to me.
My windowsil geraniums are thriving thus far. They have really "fleshed" out and I can see a few flower buds on them. I am still wondering what colour they will be.
I was inspired by this photograph a number of months back. An easy dream that I sought to come true and it is on it's way. Not quite identical . . . but close enough! I am thinking I should make some lacy curtains for that dining room window, but then . . . I wouldn't be able to see my little glass birds . . .
They bring me so much joy. Even in the rain.
I am saving up to get a clear stained glass star now, so that I can hang it in the window to remind me of my mum. I want to get two actually because I want one for my sister. I don't know how much they will cost but I am on the look out.
Oh dear the clock has just rung 8 a.m. I am really behind so I must leave you with a thought for the day now!
•。★★ 。* 。
° 。 ° ˛˚˛ * _Π_____*。*˚
˚ ˛ •˛•˚ */______/~\。˚ ˚ ˛
˚ ˛ •˛• ˚ | 田田 |門 ★
*For pride is spiritual cancer:
it eats up the very possibility
of love, or contentment,
or even common sense.
~ C.S. Lewis •。★★ 。* 。
In The English Kitchen today . . . Croque Madame Pizzas. Yummy! Quick and easy also!
Have a wonderful Wednesday, rain or shine!!! Don't forget!
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And I do too!
Goodness, Marie! What horrible nightmares you've been having! :( I'm so sorry you've been suffering so much lately. And so very sorry to hear about your Doug! Praying he will make a good and strong recovery!! :) You've had so much to deal with, much on your mind... It can't hurt to seek some professional advice. Perhaps just some talk therapy would help?! Seeking help doesn't always mean medication. I pray for you may friend... and hope you may find some peace of mind. LOVE YOU!! Always here, if/when you'd like to talk. :) ((LOVE & BIG HUGS)) P.S your Croque Madame Pizzas look dangerously good. I've been trying to watch carbs and cheese... uh, oh... !! ;)
ReplyDeleteThanks Tracy! I think I have PTSD. I have thought so for a while. 22 years of abuse and then having worked in a verbally abusive atmosphere for all those years down south. Love you my dear friend. xoxoxo
DeleteNight terrors are very scary. I have one that is always the same. I am struggling to scream but no sound comes out. Then I wake up. I think it might be the stresses in your life right now that's causing them for you. Glad Doug continues to improve. I didn't know that about Martin Sheen. I'm going to make those Croque Madame Pizzas. They look so good. Hope the weather i proves for you. Poor Mitzi must be missing her walks. Love and hugs, Elaine
ReplyDeleteYou may be right Elaine! Another day of torrential rain here! Love and hugs, xoxo
DeleteUntil recently, I'd not experienced night terrors … and privately suspected I was the only one. Tho' not as severe at what you're experiencing, I thank you so much for this link!
ReplyDeleteYou are welcome Mevely! They are no fun for sure! xoxo
DeleteHow awful especially since you already have trouble sleeping..me too.
ReplyDeleteMartin Sheen looks great on G and F..loved his movie w/ Emilio about Compostelle.
That is one of my favourite films Monique! Haven't watched it in a while. I need to dig it out and watch it again. Aren't sleep problems horrendous! (((hugs))) xoxo
DeleteOh my dear friend, I am so sad that you are having such nightmares. I do hope you can work on overcoming them. I hate scary dreams and they do cause me to not go back to sleep.
ReplyDeleteI am very happy to hear that your Doug is doing well. My husband had a heart attack at age 45 and then a double by-pass later on and he has done well. It is amazing how much they can do with heart attacks and I'm sure he will do well. It does take time to get your strength back.
It has been raining here a lot too. It is just barely starting to warm up a bit and starting to feel like early summer. I need the sunshine.
I love your decor thoughts.
Wishing for you a good nights sleep without any more bad dreams.
Sending loving thoughts and hugs your way!
Thanks LeAnn! It was really late before I could fall asleep again. I think your brain just wants to avoid the fear! I hope you get the sunshine! No such luck here yet, in fact I have the heat on this morning! xoxo
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