Wednesday 29 May 2019

To my son . . .

One of my favourite episodes of the Gilmore Girls is the one where Lorelai crawls into bed next to Rory very early in the morning of her 16th Birthday and starts to tell her about everything that happened on the day that she was born . . . . I can't crawl into bed next to my oldest son, but I can tell him about everything that happened on the day he was born and how much he means to me.  

I was only 19 and didn't know an awful lot about life but I did know one thing for sure.  I wanted to be a mother.  From the moment I felt/knew I was carrying you I was in love with you.  I carried you for nine months in my womb and I've carried you in my heart for Fourty-four years and nine months and counting. 

The first four months or so of my pregnancy I was deathly ill . . . I had heard of morning sickness, but this was lethal.  I was sick 24/7 for all of that time. I couldn't even keep water down. My mother thought I was going to die, but I knew that the life I had waited to live for my whole life was only beginning and as sick as I might be, it was worth every minute.  I remember waking up very early on the morning of the day you were born.  I thought I felt a twinge, but it was three weeks too soon, so didn't pay it much heed.  Within a few short hours there was no mistaking it . . .  you were definitely on the way.  I was so excited and danced around our apartment. All of my dreams were about to come true in the most magical and wonderful way!  

Father's weren't allowed in the delivery rooms way back then and so your dad dropped me off at the hospital and I got on with the business of bringing you into the world. I don't think anything I had read or been told up to that point had prepared me for what was to come. Labour pains are unimaginably horrendous.  There is no other way to describe them, and for a very naive 19 year old they were even worse than that.  I thought I was going to die.  In fact there were moments I thought I had and gone to hell. My friend Mary Pat, who was about six months pregnant herself, came to sit with me, but after a while she had to leave as I was scaring the wits out of her. She was a naive 19 year old as well! Not so much after that experience  . . . 

I remember my Doctor being quite annoyed and impatient with me. It was Apple Blossom Weekend which is the culmination of a week long celebration back home at the end of May, and a very big deal with Princesses and Parades and Queens and balls. Doctor Kinsman (that was his name) was the Mayor of Wolfville, the town which happened to be hosting the Apple Blossom Festival that year and you were coming at a very inconvenient time for him.  He had hosting duties to fulfil! I can remember being in labour and him saying to me (as I was being quite vociferous!) Jesus Christ isn't going to help you now Mrs Lewis, you are going to have to help yourself!  And just like that, it was over . . .  bliss . . .  and I was holding you in my arms, looking down at your beautiful face with wonder, counting all your wee fingers and toes, my heart filled to bursting with a love I never thought possible or could have imagined. 

When a baby is born, so is a mother  . . .  and what a journey we have had together.  You have been my pride and my joy since day one. Oh . . .  to be sure . . .  there were a few touch-and-go moments when you were a teenager, but for the most part and even then . . .  my journey with you has been filled with wonder and joy, and always with love. I never knew such a capacity to love someone existed, but you taught me all about it.  

I really think I got the best part out of this deal. To be your mom is everything I ever hoped or wished it would be.  I am so proud of the journey you have taken and the man you have become.   I am not sure I was always the best mom I could have been, but I did try, and you are an incredibly amazing individual with the most tender, loving and caring heart that any mother could wish her son to have. I see you fathering your boys and I think they are so blessed to have you as their dad. 

You are everything to me.
I love you with all of my heart and beyond.
Forever and always.  
Happy Birthday.

Have a wonderful day filled with all the people and things that you love. 


  1. Marie, that's a beautiful tribute to your first-born son. It's also a tribute to you and how you raised him. And now he is raising his own sons. Circle of life. Hugs, Elaine

    1. I just want him to have a Happy Birthday Elaine! Love and hugs. xoxo

  2. Thanks Mom, you're the best! I love you!

    1. Love you too son. Hope we can chat later on, but if not I hope it is because you are doing and being with something and someone you love and who loves you back! xoxo

  3. He is such a handsome man too:)So wise of you to write this as I would love to read something my mom wrote about me:)
    I gave my girls their baby books and teenage books all filled in when they married..I am sure they haven't read them lol..but they are full of love and anecdotes ..♥
    I had a much easire time than you..poor you..
    I was scared witless..but all went well from pregnancy to birth..a scare on the first but my hero my doctor saved the day.
    I had a movie star looking doctor:)He had been my doctor..GP..probably out of school..and then delivered my girls.all the patients would flip over him.
    My worst experience was being a guinea pig to all the young interns having to SEE the progress..OMGEE if that was me today..that would NOT happen.
    I would say a caterogical NO WAY.Get out.
    Love his reply:)

    1. Oh, I had a similar experience as you with my second baby Monique, having all the young interns in to see the progress. They told me right when I was in my last part of the labour when all you want to do is "GET THIS OUT OF ME!" Of course it is not a good time to ask anyone for permission as I think you would agree to just about anything! Each birth was different, as the years progressed. I was never offered any type of pain relief for any of them. More's the pity! However I would do it all again as I love them all so much! I love his reply also. ;-) ♥♥♥

    2. Oh friend had a baby before I did..she was a bit older..she had the baby w/out the epidural..she called me and siad..GET AN EPIDURAL..
      And so I did:)

    3. Can you believe that out of five children I was only ever offered pain relief once with my middle son. I took it. What a difference! xoxo

  4. What a beautiful post, Marie! When my son was born (WAY back in '69) I was 19, woefully unprepared for the experience. Your son was adorable then … and so handsome today!

    1. Plus he is a nice, nice, nice man Mevely! I don't think anyone is prepared for the experience at 19, but somehow we got through it eh! xoxo

  5. Lovely post, Marie...I am so happy for you and him both!!
    Elizabeth xoxo


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