Wednesday, 6 February 2019

Wednesday This and That . . .

So I've been thinking a lot about mom's lately. No surprise there I suppose. She is always on my mind and in my heart.   I will be okay for a couple of hours and then, bang, it hits me again and I am off to the races with big hot wet silent tears rolling down over my cheeks. Nothing on earth could have prepared me for what I am feeling. Nothing. There has been so very much of me invested in my mother and so much of her invested in me . . .  it feels as if a huge chunk of me has been torn away, and that I will never be able to replace it. 

I don't think I really understood this magical relationship between mother and child, until I really had children of my own.  I always loved my mother with a special depth but when I became a mother myself, I finally "got" it.  I finally understood what that depth was and what it meant. I think upon becoming a mother, I actually became a better daughter, if that makes sense. 

She was the one person on this earth who had loved me from way before my birth  . . .  I knew what it was like to live inside her. Safe.  Warm. Loved.  Well acquainted with her every mood and feeling. There is nobody on earth that can love you as much as a mother does. Nobody who knows you as well as a mother does.  This might not be so for everyone, but I can only say it is so for me.  

She is in your heart and in your smile  . . .  you carry a piece of her in your laughter.  She's the place you came from, your first home . . . the map you follow with every step you take. Inside her womb she carried not only you, but your children, their children, their children's children and on and on. 

Every night I pray to God . . .  let her know that I miss her, that I am and always will love her so very much, that she is missed more than words can ever say.  Every day I wait for a sign that the message has gotten through . . .  some evidence of her still being with me, around me . . . just here . . . her presence.  Maybe I am trying too hard . . .  

And so I keep busy  . . .  I cook, I clean, I tidy, I putter . . . I do laundry.  I don't think my house has been this tidy or clean, ever.  I am just filling my days with mindless, thoughtless activity. Things I don't need to think about or ponder, because when I stop to think or ponder . . .  the tears come, and it hurts all over again.  I really hope that this is normal, and I also really hope that this isn't permanent . . . . this way I am feeling . . . that the pain of loss will magically turn into something else. 


I just feel so sad.

I posted a box off to my middle son yesterday.  The afghan is on its way. I stuck in some valentines for the boys and a little something for his wife.  I didn't want any of them to feel left out. I need to do a blanket for my oldest son now.  I know he would appreciate one also, and then I need to make one for our Eileen. These blankets are like hugs, or at least I like to think they are. 

I've been trying to get my Relief Society Lesson done for Sunday and I am struggling to get it ready.  I feel so distracted. Oh, I know I will get it done because I have no choice but to do it.  Its based on the talk that Elder Renlund gave in the last General Conference, entitled Choose You This Day.  Its a great talk and begins with a great example taken from one of my favourite childhood books, Mary Poppins.  It should be so easy  . . .  

Oh how I loved that book when I was a child.  I can't tell you how many times I read it.  I won a copy of it as an award at the end of my Grade 2 school year.  I fell in love with it and read it over and over again . . .  the illustrations in it were just wonderful. Nothing was in colour, except for the cover, and even that was only yellow, with black printing/illustration on it. It didn't need colour.  The story itself was colourful enough. 


And of course I loved the film with Julie Andrews in it.  I have seen it many, many times.  I have yet to see the new one with Emily Blunt in it, but I hear it is quite good.   Its just a magical, magical story, and one I never tire of.  


Speaking of books  . . .  I fear my book is being put off again.  I am not sure what the problem is.  My Editor says all of the inside is done, but he's been busy with stuff to do with the parent company and he will be busy with that for a few more weeks.  I hope it isn't as ominous as it sounds.  I hope they aren't going under or some such . . .  and if they are, what happens next???  Is the book still  mine??? Can I approach someone else with it?  I will just have to wait and see what happens next, and have faith that whatever it is, there is a plan.  I am more proud of this one than I was the last one.  This is the one I wanted to write the first time around. 

And I am just babbling now, so I better get off here and get on with my day.  I don't have any specific plans for today, except to maybe bake a cake and get on with that lesson!  Todd is going in to Chester to pick up his new reading glasses. 

A thought to carry with you  . . . 

° * 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •
•。★★ 。* 。
° 。 ° ˛˚˛ * _Π_____*。*˚
˚ ˛ •˛•˚ */______/~\。˚ ˚ ˛
˚ ˛ •˛• ˚ | 田田 |門 ★

Time is like a river.
You cannot touch the same water twice,
because the flow that has passed,
will never pass again.
Enjoy every moment in life.  
~Unknown   •。★★ 。* 。 

Pork Chops Baked with Sweet Potatoes 

In the English Kitchen today  . . .  Pork Chops Baked with Sweet Potatoes & Onions.

Have a lovely Wednesday.  Don't forget! 

═══════════ ღೋƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒღೋ ═══════════ ⊰✿░G░O░D⊰✿⊰L░O░V░E░S⊰✿⊰░Y░O░U░⊰✿
═══════════ ღೋƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒღೋ ═══════════  

And I do too!    



  1. Hi Marie, you might not believe this but you are perfectly normal. Grief is normal, even though it manifests itself differently with everyone. It will get easier. As for looking for the signs, I was exactly the same when my mum and husband died. But I got them, and still do, even though she died nineteen years ago. But funnily enough, when Georges wife was terminally ill she told him she would send him a sign to let him know she was ok, but he's never received one. So I don't know how that works. But you're right, I think you can look too hard.

    Mary Poppins 😍😍😍😍😍 No more to be said!

    Enjoy your day and make the most of your tidying/de-cluttering phase!
    Lot's of love xxx

    1. Wierd Kate. Right after I read this a small glass bird, the exact copy of the one I sent my mom for Christmas this last year, and the one I had them bury with her (she loved watchng the birds in the garden) just fell off my window onto the window sil. Thankfully it didn't break. Could this be the sign I have been looking for? I like to think it is, and just when I was least expecting it. My heart is full of gratitude and my eyes tears. God is good. I hope you enjoyed your day with your sister yesterday. Love and hugs,xoxo

  2. Dear could you not be sad, losing one of your greatest, deepest loves??!! Your Mom my be away from this earthly world, but she is ever with you in spirit. Maybe you don't notice it all the time, but she is ever with you! :) It's a bit like with Jesus--Jesus is ever close to us, and close to Him is Mary, His Mother. I believe that Mary is close to us always. And with Mary, a bit of our own mothers are with us, wherever we go. Maybe that makes sense?! So you are surround by LOVE--Jesus, Mary, you own Mom... :))) But when far away from family, it's not always easy to feel all of that, I know... And we're human, so we're always looking for more, for a sign, for confirmation. But in the meantime, tears a good, they cleanse the body, while prayer takes care of the spirit... GOD BLESS you, my sweet friend ((LOVE & BIG HUGS))

    1. Thanks very much Tracy. I appreciate your love and thoughts, and yes prayers. Love and hugs, xoxo

  3. Dear Marie the first time my mom passed I was angry not with God but with all and I thought maybe I dont care her well. I was so alone only my twins and Gerardo helped me.My sister almost never come.
    My brother he is different he always came.
    But anyway after a time I begin to feel a little more peace in my heart and sure God help me.
    BTW she always will be with you I talk with my mom all days and talk her things especially when Im in the kitchen or when Im sad.
    Send you love and hugs.xo

    1. Thank you so much for your thoughts Gloria. I perhaps try too hard to feel her around me. I am probably ignoring the obvious, not being able to see the forest for the trees. Love and hugs right back. xoxo

    2. Marie you are in the begin of the road, when my mom passed I can't feeling where she was, but now only just now Im in pecae thinking in her, but of course I miss her so much still but I talk with her and sometimes I laugh with some things she always say.
      Love xoxo

    3. Thanks so much Gloria. ((((hugs)))) xoxo

  4. Everyone is different..You are so is a right of passage to mourn..some do it more quickly others not.I have mentioned most of my thoughts to you and only feel repetitious and I don't want to do that to you.
    I have asked for signs..never have I had one.I have asked for her to help intervene and seek favors above..never.I think it's all there though..nothing I am asking for but everything I family..every little grandchild born..every sweet smile they smile towards me..:)
    This just just happened know how long I have been just don't expect that one day soon you will be memory free of all her love for you..and yours for her♥If you are like won't be tomorrow;)

    1. I think you are right Monique. Every day the scab gets ripped by some other happening. There are things I can't talk about on here. I feel selfish and yet at the same time broken. I guess that is normal. xoxo

  5. My mom passed now about 17 years ago...rarely does a day go by but what I think of her or something she said or did. I still have regrets I was not near her most of my adult life, but that was not her fault nor mine. Life seems not to hold out many choices to us. We are left, as my mama often said, "making lemonade of the lemons dealt to us". I am so glad you got the afghan sent off to one son with plans to make ones for the 2 other kids who show they love you too!! Why not?...good to have some goals. I so agree that such things are like hugs...years ago I crocheted a lovely shawl for my daughter...she said she was in tears when it arrived (it was a surprise too). Hugs dear lady!
    Elizabeth xoxo

    1. Thanks Elizabeth. I crocheted a shawl for my mother, not this Christmas, but Christmas 2017. I know she used it. Love and hugs to you. xoxo


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