Wednesday ponderings . . .

 

 

I couldn't resist taking this photo out of my front window the other morning. Everything looked so beautifully bright and cheerful.  The light was just perfect. I thought so at any rate.

eeeeeee3 ZIKOL! (somehow the cats agree!)

I was just thinking this morning.  Here I am amazingly living my best life possible. How can that be? A year ago on this day the bottom was dropping out of my world and I was facing a very dark tunnel filled with seemingly impossible challenges, but somehow here I am today, living my best life so far.  How did I do that? 

How did I do that? How did I do that? How did I do that?

How did I get past all of the disappointment and the loss and the pain and the anger and the sorrow and the bone grinding fear . . . 

I have sat here this morning thinking about, pondering and reflecting on that question. How did I do that?  

 

I can come up with only one word, just one answer . . .  and it is this . . . Gratitude.  There is no other answer.  As hard as it was, from the very beginning I tried to look for the blessings, to find the blessings and to be grateful for the blessings.  Even if at first I really didn't believe that they were there or would be there, but guess what . . . they were there, every step of the way, every step of my journey. Even on and during my darkest days and most painful moments.   

I have come to the conclusion that if you look for the good in anything and in any experience, you will find it.  I have come to understand that, despite being and feeling  broken, you can discover a life that is filled with abundance, and the way to that abundance is gratitude. 

It was on this day a year ago that I received the news that my husband, whom I had loved dearly and who had betrayed me immeasurably, had been sentenced to life in prison. I can still remember the way my heart sank and the hopeless of that  moment.  I know I should not have felt to mourn an individual who could betray and hurt me as much as he did, but he had been my whole world.  The reality of it all came crashing down around me and I felt the lowest I have ever felt in my life.

I knew that the only way I was going to get through that experience was to keep moving forward, to keep taking just that one tiny step each day towards the light.  Standing still was not an option.  And the light that helped to guide me through that deep dark tunnel was gratitude. 

 

I looked for something to be grateful for in each and every day, and somehow through that I also found the strength to move forward.  And some days it was really, really hard to find something to be thankful for, but there were many, many other days when my cup overflowed with things to be grateful for.  

At the beginning, it was as simple as just being grateful to have the strength and the courage to do what I needed to do.  In my brokenness, to be able to pack my suitcases and to walk away from the life that I was living.  To be able to traverse not one but three airports amidst a global pandemic.  How did I do that.  I felt the Lord every step of the way encouraging  me and saying to me, you can do this. I felt the strength of my late mother's example telling me I could do hard things.  I felt the love of countless others and family, lifting and buoying me up.  I knew that a loving family was waiting for me at the other end of my journey, and I felt grateful for all of it, for all of the light.  Even in my darkest moments.  I found that spark of gratitude.  

And here I am a year later.  Sitting in my own little home, with two warm furry bodies snuggled up next to me as I tap on these keys, their purring fills the air with a song of love.  I have already spoken to my father this morning and I have the promise of spending some time with my sister a bit later on today.  I have discovered that not only can I do hard things, but I can flourish despite the difficulty of very hard times.  I have found an inner strength that I was not even aware that I had.  Like a phoenix I have risen from the ashes and am borne upon the winds of hope and love and gratitude.

And I don't know what tomorrow will bring. None of us ever do.  It may bring abundance or it may bring the total opposite of abundance, but I know now that whatever it brings, I can do it, can cope with it . . .  so long as I remember to be grateful for the blessings that are there for the asking in each and every day.  Even if sometimes the blessing is only the will and the desire to go on.

I am grateful.  For each and every moment. Each and every heartache.  Each and every blessing, no matter how small. For each and every heart beat and each and every breath.  I am just grateful to be here. 

Is this not the most brilliant costume you have ever seen?  This is Gabe on Halloween. He is a Wookie.  This is just a ski-mask that they used a crochet hook to pull through random hairs from an old wig. I think he looks a-maze-ing!

And these three faces  . . .  Jon, Kayla and Josh.  Love them to bits! 

 

 

And this, a Jedi, a Zombie, a Head Hunter and a  . . . Poo?  Interesting to say the least. 

Pumpkin carving, it is pretty intense business  . . . . 

One needs to be prepared for every eventuality . . . 

Charles, the cutest pumpkin ever . . . 

I believe this to be true with all of my being.  Negativity only makes me more aware of the positive.

A thought to carry with you  . . . 

° * 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •
•。★★ 。* 。
° 。 ° ˛˚˛ * _Π_____*。*˚
˚ ˛ •˛•˚ */______/~＼。˚ ˚ ˛
˚ ˛ •˛• ˚ ｜ 田田 ｜門 ★

*Gratitude is one of the most 
important human virtues, and
one of the most common human deficiencies.
Gratitude does not develop without effort.
~Dieter F Uchtdorf•。★★ 。* 。 

In The English Kitchen today  . . .  Impossibly Easy Pear & Custard Pie.  Its delicious!

Have a fabulous Wednesday. Its hard to believe we are already halfway through the week. Whatever you get up to, don't forget! 

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And I do too!