My Bucket List . . .

 

The Bucket List was a film I watched a few years ago about a couple of  terminally ill older fellows who take it upon themselves to break out of the hospital and live their last days doing all the things they always wanted to do, together.  In the process they have the adventure of a lifetime.  I am sure you have probably seen it.  We both quite enjoyed it.  

I have pondered many times things that I would put on my bucket list. Oh there are lots of things I would love to do, but sadly, I know I will never do them because I just don't have the dosh to do them!  Things like visiting the Taj Mahal or riding a camel, swimming with the Dolphins, etc.  These are all wonderful things, but in reality the opportunity for doing any of them will probably never come my way . . . so best not to waste my life hoping for things that have no chance of ever happening. 

But is that really what a Bucket list should

really be about? 

I mean, when you go into the ground at the end

of your life, will or should it really matter

that you rode on a camel? 

In the scheme of things, I rather think not.

I have more important things to tackle.

And maybe some of them are a tad bit

more achievable.

 

 ♥

 

As you all know, there is a bit of a rift in my family.  I have two children who really don't have a lot to do with me.  I try to keep the channels of communication open between us, but it is really a one-way thing, with me doing all of the pursuing.  The first thing on my bucket list is being able to heal that rift that exists.  Having said that it should be simple enough, right?  Wrong.  It is probably the single largest hurdle standing in front of me in my life.  When no two way communication exists, it is very difficult to be able to breach the gap, which in reality seems to wider further and further with every year that passes. I will never give up however, because I have faith and I live in the hope that the Gospel brings into my life. Family is forever and even if it takes my whole lifetime and all of theirs . . .  even if it doesn't happen until we are all in the great beyond, I have faith that one day the gap will be breached  So I just keep doing the things I must do, and I keep communicating even if there is no communicating back, because if I stop doing the right thing . . . well, then there is NO hope at all. 

 

Getting the most out of life.  I have made it my personal goal to get the most out of what is left of my life, and somedays that may be as simple as just being able to walk from the sofa into the kitchen, or to put the pain aside and just be happy anyways.  Not every day is a good day, but I maintain that there IS something ♥GOOD♥ in every day.  And so, I look for the joyful moment . . .  the glistening of the dewdrop on the blade of grass . . . the wood pigeons ta-wooing on the top of the shed roof . . . the sight of the sun glinting down on small sparrow heads as they pop out of the tops of our hedge in the morning and bid each other a good day  . . .  being able to reach next to me at night and touch the warmth of my husband's shoulder . . . watching the fumbles of the bumble bees as they amble amongst the lavender in our front garden and listening to the humming of their wings . . .  the list is endless.  This foreverness of the minutia that weaves together all of my todays and turns them into a whole.  Each happening in and of itself a blessing and a joy. 

  

I am not going to waste my life dreaming about climbing mountains or winning lotteries or sailing the seven seas.  Lie is happening.  Now.  I am embracing every single  moment of it.  To embrace the moment.  That is big on my bucket list.  How sad is the life that spends itself  waiting only for something spectacular to happen.  I am going to live in the here and the now, and live every second of it. Embracing even the bad, because I know deep in my heart that without the bad, the good wouldn't seem half as beautiful or as wonderful. 

 

Another huge priority on my bucket list is this.  Loving ME.  And I don't mean that in a selfie-taking, self-centred, superciliously arrogant way.  I mean, I am not going to spend the rest of my life wishing I was thinner, younger, prettier, smarter, less wrinkled, etc. way.  I am learning to embrace myself and who I am.  To dwell on all that is right about me, rather than all that is wrong about me, and to try to improve the things that I can.  I refuse to beat myself up any longer over things I have no control over, or the past that I cannot change.  I will not ruin what is left of my life by mourning the things that I have no power to do anything about.  I. Will. Not. Go. There.  Instead I will love me and do the best I can with what I have to work with.  God loves me. I know this to be true. It is time for me to love me too. 

  

I am going to surround myself with positivity and light.  That means that I am striving to only have within my presence that which is good and uplifting.  I make no space for evil doings within my four walls. My music will bring into my presence a positive message, a message of hope and of joy.  The books I read, the things I watch, the people I associate with on a regular basis . . . light and not darkness . . . which doesn't mean that I block out those who are in need.  Every life needs a special space to share with those who need to be comforted, fed, hugged, embraced, prayed for, uplited, etc.  I will do what I can, when I can and however I can, but I will try to bring the light of Christ with me when I do so . . . if that makes sense.  The light of Christ can bring even the darkest corner into brilliance . . .  service, it's a beautiful thing, but only if done with sincerity and love.  

So serving, ministering, that is a big part of my life and holds

a space on my bucket list as well.  Life and love are

nothing if you do not learn or even try

 to share them with those 

around you.

 

I resolve to get out more.  To not spend so much time here in my own little world, however much puttering about my home brings me joy.  I need to do, see, experience more than just those things within our four walls.  There will come a day that the four walls will be all that I have, but in the meantime I resolve to leave them and do something more than just grocery shop at least once every week. That way when the time comes that I have only the four walls to keep me company, I will have the comfort of all the things that I did when I could do things.  I told Todd that despite our not having any money to take a real vacation this year we are going to have a staycation and we are going to spend some time re-visiting places right here in our pretty little city, even if it is difficult for me to walk to them.  There is no need for us to rush about, small and simple steps will have to do.  I find sometimes, well a lot of the time, I don't go places because I think that I will be holding Todd back. MY bucket list now consists of doing what I can when I can do it, even if it hurts sometimes.  I will walk through the pain and feel better for it.   

 

I am going to make positive inroads towards getting rid of the stuff that is holding us to this house.  If we were to move to a smaller place that means we would have an extra £130 a month to use for doing things, experiencing things, meeting our needs, etc. Money that we don't have now.  Right now we don't have extra money to even buy clothes when someone needs them. And I am not saying that because I want someone to feel sorry for me. That is not the case.  It is only to illustrate how tight things really are with us. That extra £130 a month is much better in our own pockets than in our landlord's.  We live in fear always that our rent is going to go up and how are we going to pay for it if it does.  We need to make the change now, so making that change is also on my bucket list.  No more fear about "what if" . . .  watch this space.  I am not going to worry about what if.  When I think about moving, I think about how on earth we are going to do it without any savings, etc. and I am not going to let that fear hold me back any longer.  I am just going to do it, and let the worry take care of itself.

 

I am going to put aside the idea that I have to be, do, become  . . .  the BEST at what I do.  I am taking myself out of the race for perfection, jumping off the treadmill towards success.  I no longer care or want to be in the top ten of anything.  I simply just want to have fun and enjoy what I am doing.  If I do my best, and I am satisfied, and it brings me joy,  then that has to be enough.  It doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks anyways. Numbers have never really been my focus anyways, but now they are going to be even less so . . . winning is not everything, nor should it be. We are surrounded in life by successful miserable people.  Winning has not brought them joy, or peace or comfort.  The true treasure lies in finding joy in the journey. 

Wanting what you already have is not settling.

Its smart and is the key to

real and honest 

peace.

 

And so that is a few of the things on my bucket list or now.  I am sure there are a lot more, but I can promise you, they are all within my reach.

A thought to carry with you  . . . 

° * 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •
•。★★ 。* 。
° 。 ° ˛˚˛ * _Π_____*。*˚
˚ ˛ •˛•˚ */______/~＼。˚ ˚ ˛
˚ ˛ •˛• ˚ ｜ 田田 ｜門 ★
 *.˛.Some days you will 

be the light or others,

and some days you will need 

some  light  from them.

As long as there is light, 

there is hope, 

and there is a way.

~Jennifer Gayle •。★★ 。* 。 

 

In the English Kitchen today  . . .  Peanut Grilled Chicken.  Yummy!

I hope your Wednesday is a great one.  I am off this afternoon with my RS President to visit my new Ministering Companion and work out a plan.  Then tonight, England is playing Croatia in the World Cup!  So excited!  Don't forget!

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And I do too!