A Saturday Funny

Some of you may have already been warned of this . . . but some warnings bear repeating.

You've heard about people who have been abducted and had their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves. My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs. It was just that quick. The replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine?

I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs.



Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans. And then the thieves struck again. My bum was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear-end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. But my new bum was attached at least three inches lower than my original! I realized I'd have to give up my jeans in favour of long skirts.

Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched.



One morning I was drying my hair and was horrified to see the flesh of my upper arm swing to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary - my body was being replaced one section at a time.

What could they do to me next?



When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a turkey neck, I decided to tell my story.

Women of the world wake up and smell the coffee!

Those 'plastic ' surgeons are using REAL replacement body parts . . . stolen from you and me!



The next time someone you notice that someone has had something 'lifted', look again - was it lifted from you?

THIS IS NOT A HOAX. This is happening to women everywhere every night. WARN YOUR FRIENDS!



P.S. Last year I thought some one had stolen my Boobs. I was lying in bed and they were gone! But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.

I thought this was too 'important' not to pass on. Have a wonderful day with a joy filled heart.

P.P.S. - These same thieves came into my closet and shrank my clothes! How do they do it????



I thought I'd share my favourite chocolate chip cookie recipe with you this morning. These, to me, are the perfect chocolate chip cookie. Crisp and buttery and stogged full of two kinds of chocolate chips and lots of toasted nuts. I sure wish I had a dollar for every one of these I have baked in my life time. I'd have long since retired and be living on the French Riviera by now!

hmmm . . . you don't think that these might have had something to do with my missing and replaced body parts do you?



*The Perfect Chocolate Chip Cookie*
Makes about 48
Printable Recipe

I like to call these the perfect chocolate chip cookie. Of course it depends on what your definition of perfect is in a cookie. If you are looking for buttery, crisp and stogged full of chocolate chips and nuts, then you are in the right place.

2/3 cup of butter
2/3 cup of vegetable shortening
1 cup of white sugar
1 cup of soft light brown sugar, packed
2 large eggs
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
2 tsp vanilla
3 cups flour
12 ounced milk chocolate chips
6 ounces of semi sweet chocolate chips
1 cup toasted and chopped pecan nuts



Pre-heat the oven to 190*C/375*F. Lightly grease several baking sheets. Set aside.

Cream together the butter, shortening and both sugars until well combined and fluffy. Beat in the eggs, one at a time. Then stir in the vanilla. Sift the flour together with the baking soda, and salt. Stir this in, mixing all together well. Stir in the chocolate chips and nuts.

Shape tablespoons of the dough into balls with your hands and place onto the baking sheets, leaving about 2 inches between each one. (The dough will be a bit sticky, but just keep washing your hands.) I like to roll mine into balls because it results in pretty uniform shaped cookies. You can just drop them onto the cookie sheets by the tablespoonful if you wish.

Bake for 10 to 11 minutes, rotating the cookie sheet half way through the baking time. They are done when they are set and lightly browned on the bottoms and at the edges.



If you've been looking for a tasty way to get your kids to eat their broccoli, look no further. It's over here, on The English Kitchen.