Wednesday Witterings . . .

 

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 Yesterday was a drizzly day all day.  It didn't rain specifically, it just misted and drizzled.  Just enough so that if you went out in it, you got a bit misty and damp.  I had taken a casserole next door to Sheila and then went to check my post and ran into Glenna who was on her way back from the compost bins at the end of the street.  We stood there and chatted for a bit and got a bit damp, but it was worth it to be able to share a few lovely words with a friend.

Sheila, as always, was so pleased to get the little casserole I took over. She said she was just finishing the Easter dinner I had taken to her on Sunday. I would have, and probably should have, stayed to chat for a while longer, but I had plenty to get done before my Self-Reliance class.

 

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I have really enjoyed that course. It has a workbook that goes along with it, Personal Finances for self-reliance.  We are a small group really, but I think we are all getting a lot from it.  There are only three more classes left.  I have learned quite a bit about the financial side of life taking the course. I know it is a bit hard to believe that I have never been in charge of my own finances until now.  First my parents and then my husband (s) were always in charge of things, paying the bills etc. I earned money, but it all went into the pot, and quite rightly so. And in all honesty, I was quite happy not to have to worry about that side of things.

Cindy says she remembers mom sitting her down and teaching her about budgeting, but I do not remember mom ever sitting me down and teaching me the principles about budgeting. Maybe I blocked it out as something I never expected to have to do. It's quite possible. Memory can be very selective when it comes to a lot of things.

 

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There were quite a few birds visited the front garden yesterday which kept Cinnamon and Nutmeg quite busy.  Nothing so grand as a Nuthatch that I saw. Just blackbirds.  Some blue capped ones and then there were a couple of red winged ones. They were feeding on the last of the fat thingie that I had put out there in the Winter.  It has not sparked much interest up til now.  Funny that. In any case, I had a bag of black sunflower seed in the coat closet and so I put a few handfuls of that out for them.

I found myself longing to have more of a variety of birds in the garden. Birdwatching is something that both Cindy and I have always enjoyed.  I can remember once when a flock of snow buntings came to my yard when I was living in New Brunswick. I was down in the laundry room when they arrived. We had a split level home and so I was able to watch them very well from the window in the laundry room.  Completely fascinating.  I used to get a lot of birds when I lived in that home.  We were right on the edge of a wetland/marsh.  I had all kinds of wildlife visiting the years.  Moose, bear, porcupines, etc. I remember watching a porcupine from my kitchen window as it levered itself down from one of the trees right outside our deck early one morning.  It used its tail to help keep it steady as it backed down. It was really interesting to watch.

I regularly had grey jays visit. They were my favorites. No cardinals though.  Just finches and redpolls, chickadees, etc. I used to love sitting at the dining room table watching them all through the French doors that opened onto the deck.

 

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Of all of the homes I have lived in, that was my favorite.  The area by my kitchen sink was very similar to this except our cabinets were hand milled from pine.  I had little shelves that ran up along side of the window that you could keep little nicnacs on, and a plate rail. All of the upper cabinets had glass windowed doors, and there was a built-in dish washer. It was such a pretty kitchen. The wallpaper was pink gingham, and I had this border paper around the top that looked like folded over eyelet embroidered napkins. So pretty. The floor was pink marble and the countertops a pink and grey granite.

Yes, it was a pink kitchen but not a slap you in the face pink.  A very pretty pale peachy pink.

I had a long pine slab over the French doors that I had hand painted to look antique with the words on it that said, "Never Enough Thyme". I loved that board and on the side wall in the dining room a beautiful hand hewn pine shelf with wooden knobs along the bottom to hold hanging things/decorations. My husband had made it from the scraps. He had taken carpentry before he had joined the military.  In fact we built our own house.

I had my own desk space in the kitchen as well, with little cubby holes along the back, and a little book shelf to hold the few cookbooks that I owned. 

The carpenter we had hired to do the kitchen really did a beautiful job with all of the cabinetry.

 

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 In my bedroom I had made light blue plaid curtains at the outer sides of the windows, and I had tole painted tiny birdhouses with sunflowers growing up out of the tops to use as curtain tie backs.  There were lace net curtains covering the windows themselves. Lots of light, but privacy at the same time.

So much care went into the building of that house. It had six bedrooms, an eat in kitchen, a family room, a full bathroom upstairs with a spa tub and then a walk in shower, etc. down in the laundry room. We had a formal sitting room upstairs that always stayed as neat as a pin because nobody used it, and I had cross over sheer curtains with ruffles along the edges over the window.  At night I had a balloon blind that I could pull down again to afford privacy.

It was such a lovely home. I hated leaving it when we had to move.  Up until now, that was the last place I had lived that I was really happy.  My ex was away for most of the time we lived there. I had my five children, and all was well on that score. I had my church, and the kids all went with me. I had my best friend living across the street as well.  We did craft sales together; we did the school lunch program together. It was just a happy bliss-filled life, in an environment that I loved.

The mosquitos were horrendous, however. That's what you get living at the edge of a marsh. I remember my friend Kathy taking me grocery shopping one Saturday and when we got back we were dancing practically trying to get the groceries out of the car and into the house.  She had to stop the car halfway back to hers afterwards to let all the mosquitos out, lol.  They were really bad.

But we had plenty of fireflies to play with as well.

 

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Such are the seasons of our lives. As a military wife, I never had much stability really. We moved a lot. I often felt like a turtle carrying its house on its back. Things were always changing. As the children got older it became much more of a wrench to move.  The last few moves we left children behind, which was hard.  When we moved from New Brunswick to Ontario, Anthony got left behind as he was at Uni and living out on his own.  And then when we moved from Ontario back to Nova Scotia, Amanda decided not to go with us, opting instead to live back with her best friend in New Brunswick. It was her last year in High School and really, she wanted to graduate with her friends and who could really blame her. I did miss her though.

Times and seasons  . . . 

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As I was working here yesterday, I had plenty of time to think about the horror I escaped when I moved back to Canada.  I am glad that I was in the dark as to much of what and who he was at that time, but at the same time I do ask myself how could I not have seen the depravity of the person that he really was. He kept it all very well hidden from me for sure.  A whole secret life.  How skilled he was at compartmentalizing it all and pretending to be a much better person than the reality of who and what he was. 

I was a sitting duck from the very beginning. Very naive. He manufactured himself into being the man I was looking for in a new partner. I was very easily manipulated into being a part of his life and a cover for the underbelly of what was really a very sick individual.  It is easy to look back and see all the red flags and the way he groomed me for that role now, but I did not see it then. My friend Jacqueline says I was far too trusting and innocent to have ever seen what was happening as he masterminded everything into place. I always thought that there was nobody who was beyond redemption, but I think perhaps that is not quite true. To be redeemed you have to really want to be redeemed and I do not think he seeks redemption . . . in fact I don't think he feels any guilt. Like everything in life, he compartmentalizes all of it.

I think talking to his stepdaughter the other day and learning the real history of who he was, was quite helpful for me in a lot of ways. I don't feel the same sense of loss as I did, instead I feel lucky to have gotten away, and even more grateful for my faith which protected me.

It's hard to put into words. I will try not to speak of it again.

Cindy and I are off on a jaunt today. We have not had a real one of those in a while. We are off up to Michaels, I think. I want to get some cotton yarn to make dishcloths.  Then I think we will hit the farmers market in Wolfville before we work our way back down the valley towards home. I don't know where all we will go but I do want to get some frozen mini pizzas at the Costco place. Perhaps lunch at Jonny's. We will see. It will just be nice to spend the time together. Sister time.  The best of times.

And with that I best leave you with a thought for the day.  

° * 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •

•。★★ 。* 。
° 。 ° ˛˚˛ * _Π_____*。*˚
˚ ˛ •˛•˚ */______/~＼。˚ ˚ ˛
˚ ˛ •˛• ˚ ｜ 田田 ｜門 ★

 *There is one thing which 
gives radiance to everything.
It is the idea of something
around the corner.° * 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •
~G.K. Chesterton° * 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ 

° * 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •

In The English Kitchen today, Creamy Chicken Noodle Casserole, for two.  I was able to use up the last of the roast chicken I cooked the other day in a delicious casserole. That chicken really went a long way. It fed the four of us on Sunday, then my dinner on Monday and dinner for two yesterday. It's all gone now except for the bones! It truly paid for itself.

I hope that you have a lovely Wednesday.  Stay safe and be blessed.  Whatever you get up to, don't forget!

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And I do too!