Small and Wonderful Things . . .

 

"The world is fairly studded and strewn with pennies cast broadside from a generous hand. But who gets excited by a mere penny? It is dire poverty indeed when a man is so malnourished and fatigued that he won't stoop to pick up a penny. But if you cultivate a healthy poverty and simplicity, so that finding a penny will literally make your day, then, since the world is in fact planted with pennies, you have with your poverty bought a lifetime of days. It is that simple. what you see is what you get." ~Anne Dillard 

 A few of the small and wonderful things which bring untold joy into my life. It's the small things in life which truly mean the most. Simple abundance . . . it's the best.

 

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Eileen and I had a great sleepover.  I picked her up mid afternoon on Friday. We went to the shops to pick up some stuff to make naan bread pizzas for our supper and some salad things. She had brought a dice game to play.  We made our pizzas. We watched Peggy Sue Got Married and then Elemental (cute) on Disney +.  We laughed a lot and just enjoyed each other's company until it was time to take her home on Saturday afternoon. She really enjoys the cats.  It was a lovely time together and we both had fun. I could only dream about spending time like this with my family when I was in the UK, so its nice to know that dreams can come true! 

 

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I've been struggling a lot with insomnia lately. I think a lot of it is down to anxiety.  I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon to see a lawyer about making up my will. I have never made a will before.  I want things to be settled however before I die as I don't want to leave chaos behind.  I have been waffling back and forth between leaving everything to be divided between my two oldest sons with the promise that they will take care of their sister, or just leaving everything to all five of my children to be divided equally. Not that I have a lot to divide. Its complicated, because one of my children has not communicated with me since 2016 and the other since 2013.  There is a huge part of me that wants to say "Didn't want anything to do with me in life, then nothing for you."  But another part of me thinks, what do I want my legacy to be?  

Do I want to be remembered as a mother who chose between her children at the end, or do I want to be remembered as a mother who loved her children unconditionally, no matter what.  It is gut wrenching, and was very much on my mind yesterday.  I've been praying about it so much.

Whether they deserve it or not, I think I will leave everything to be divided equally amongst all five children. Because at the end of the day I love them all and it is not a love that is contingent upon whether or not they love me back.  I don't want my final message to them to be one of judgement, and by leaving the two out I feel that I would be sitting in judgement.  That is not like me. That is not who I am. I am a very forgiving person.  And I do love my children unconditionally.  

Its not like I have a huge legacy or anything. I do not. But what I do have I want to gift to them all. By leaving two of them out I will be saying to them that their treatment of me was justifiable.

 

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I didn't make it to church yesterday. I had not slept most of Saturday night and I didn't feel capable of driving safely to the church, which is in the next town over.  Instead I lay back in my chair and listened to church hymns played by the piano on You Tube.  It was relaxing. I thought I might fall asleep, but alas I did not, so I spent most of yesterday in a over-tired haze.  I did go to my sister's for supper.  Thankfully I slept pretty good last night.  I fell asleep pretty much right away and only got up twice during the night. I slept until almost 7 a.m.  I needed it.

 

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This upcoming weekend is the Autumn session of our church's bi-annual conference.  I probably won't be able to watch much of it in real time as my brother will be here, but I can catch up next week. (hopefully with all of the hymns etc. intact)  I really love our church conferences.  They are a great opportunity for us to hear our leaders speak and received direction and inspiration for the coming months.  I always enjoy all of the speakers.  They come from a wide spectrum of peoples, speakers from all over the world. Some of them men, some women. I always get a lot out of the talks.  

I have been listening to the collected talks of Elder Jeffrey R Holland. I have always loved his talks.  He is such a humble man.  I gain a lot of inspiration from them each time I listen to them. I am filling my soul with goodness.

I have been thinking a lot about this lately. We are each part of a world that is filled with beautiful, talented people.   A world where there is a huge diversity in wealth with some people having way more than any one deserves and others having next to nothing.  Images of  beautiful people living seemingly beautiful lives assault us at every turn.  It is so tempting to want to envy the most talented for their talents and their worth, the rich for their abundance, the beautiful for their looks, etc.   A person could spend a lot of time wishing for more . . .  more of everything.  How much joy would be found in that.

There is a great peace that comes with being content with what you already have.  Joy in believing that we already have is more than enough.  

Comparison isn't just the thief of joy. It is the thief of everything.  How much better to find purpose in your life, in the here and the now and the what, to keep your eyes on a path filled with purpose and meaning.  To cultivate a love where we celebrate others and progress, not perfection.  A life which cultivates gratitude. Gratitude is the magic potion that turns what we have into enough. 

 

 

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Time is a precious commodity. Today, once spent, is gone, never to be repeated. Every minute lost is a minute lost forever.  What a shame to waste the time we have been given, or to allow it to be contaminated with boredom, self-pity  . . . and anxiety (a crime I am often guilty of). How much better to face each day with the joy of expectation and courage, with hope.  How much better to spend our time sharing and serving others when and as we can.  

Loving and sharing turns what I have into something very precious that gives and gives and gives. Like dropping a pebble into the water, it creates ripples of abundance that cannot help but touch others.

Real happiness isn't something looming on the horizon. It is here now and it is already ours. It is the smile of someone you love, the stroke of a furry ear, a decent breakfast, a warm sunset, warmth in the belly and a roof overhead. Small and simple things, little every day joys all lined up in a row.  Its about not taking for granted the blessings you already have. In taking the time to trace the goodness which is in each of our days.  In being grateful.

 

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I am so blessed to have a home that serves me rather than drains me. A home that is an oasis in the desert, a sanctuary from the rest of the world. Uncluttered and unfettered, filled with things that bring me joy, filled with love and comfort and  . . .  peace.

And with that I best leave you with a thought for the day. Time is marching on!  My brother arrives later today and my father is coming here for supper tonight. Lots to look forward to.  Sorry if I have gone on a bit this morning. Some days are like that. I do a lot of pondering.

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° * 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •

•。★★ 。* 。
° 。 ° ˛˚˛ * _Π_____*。*˚
˚ ˛ •˛•˚ */______/~＼。˚ ˚ ˛
˚ ˛ •˛• ˚ ｜ 田田 ｜門 ★

*Where there is great love

there are always miracles.

~Willa Cather•。★★ 。* 。

In The English Kitchen today . . .  Easy Cheesy Sausage Chowder. This was simply fabulous!

I wish for you a beautiful day and a week filled with the abundance of the things that matter most.  Don't forget!

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⊰✿░G░O░D⊰✿⊰L░O░V░E░S⊰✿⊰░Y░O░U░⊰✿

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And I do too!