I am incredibly late getting started this morning. I do not know what is happening to my time. These last few weeks I have had a very difficult time getting a grasp on my hours. They are either passing by incredibly slowly or they are flashing by and I don't seem to have much control either way. I remind myself frequently that it could always be worse.
I am being taught patience. And tolerance. My prayer has been to help me to tolerate the pain better and I can see that my tolerance is growing. That is the improvement I am seeing. The pain is still there, but I am starting to tolerate it a bit better. At least that is what I tell myself. When I feel my bladder needing to be emptied I still feel dread in the pit of my stomach at what I know will be coming next. I had thought it would become less frequent, but in all honesty every time I stand up, that feeling comes. It is no fun to say the least.
However . . .
Things are being accomplished. This having to slow down has helped me to focus on things in a way that I hadn't had the time for over these past few years. I have been able to read and to study, or try to study at any rate. A lot of prayer and thought. Not a lot of cooking has been going on. Is this the cosmos forcing me to rethink my priorities? I am not sure.
I will always need to cook. It is what keeps a roof over my head after all, but perhaps I have been prioritizing that too much. At the exclusion of everything else in my life. Somehow I have allowed this need to keep a roof over my head to swallow up all of my todays and as we all know eventually all of our todays will be gone.
Do I want to look back and see a life squandered in work and nothing else?? No play. No time for self indulgences such as reading, or painting . . . writing, study . . . playing with my hands. Building beauty and fulfilling the creative side of my soul. I do not want to have a life that is all work and no play and that is what I have been building for myself.
We are all creators at heart. The act of creation is built into us. We ignore it at our peril.
The temptation is there to think that the year 2026 has been a horrible year thus far, and yes . . . having had the shingles and now this horrid experience I am having to live through at present . . . not nice. But there has been so much good as well . . .
I have had time spent with my two older sons. First Anthony and then Doug. And three of my grandsons. It has been so wonderful to do this, to begin my year with these two wonderful boys of mine and their boys. What a blessing. I do not get to do it often enough. I have treasured these moments.
These times together have been gifts. And I know the one visit was at the end of 2025, but it still got my 2026 off to a good start. I hope that it was the same treasure for them as it was for me. I am sure it was.
Usually on Wednesdays I go out for supper with my sister and my father to a local restaurant. I so want to be able to do that today. It would solve the problem of me having to cook for myself. On Monday I had beans on toast, and yesterday I made a chicken dish, but I found it very tiring. On the one hand it would be nice to be able to eat a meal without having to cook it myself. On the other hand I am worried about my bladder behaving enough to allow me get up, get into a car, go to a restaurant, and then sit there for an hour, get up again, get back onto the car and then come home. I don't know . . . and I don't want to spoil it for anyone else.
I will see how I get on throughout the day today.
I finally finished Sense & Sensibility. I really enjoyed it. I had seen bits of it before but this was the first time I actually had watched it all the way through. What an elegant period in time that was. I am on the lookout now for more films of the same ilk. Suggestions and where to stream them would be very welcome.
Not that I want to spend all of my time vegging on the sofa watching other people live their lives. But when I do, types of films and shows like this would be very welcome.
I did watch a program on the beginnings and building of New York City on PBS the other day. Well in three parts as I don't have the attention span required to watch a lengthy show in one bit. It was quite interesting to see how it had its beginnings and how it grew, and also how some of the richest families in America managed to grow their wealth through the process. Like the Rothschilds and the Vanderbilts. Very interesting.
Remembering my mom with love today, and every day really. She left us on this day in 2019. Always loved. Never forgotten. Love you mom.
I have emails to write and comments to respond to, but it pains me to sit in one place for too long. My goal today is to address that. I would never want anyone to think I am ignoring them. It has just been very hard to concentrate on anything meaningful and to address it with the purpose and consideration that I usually do. I apologize if anyone has been waiting to hear from me. I will get there . . .
I know I have not said a lot this morning, but I need to get up from here. Please know that you all are in my mind and in my heart. I do so appreciate each of you and your love, comments, prayers and support. I can feel the love, and it has helped.
A thought to carry with you . . .
° 。 ° ˛˚˛ * _Π_____*。*˚
˚ ˛ •˛•˚ */______/~＼。˚ ˚ ˛
˚ ˛ •˛• ˚ ｜ 田田 ｜門 ★
to be alive
on this fresh morning
in the broken world.
~Mary Oliver • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ • •。★★ 。*
Very cold here, snow just starting and another warning of up to 25 cm of snow, no school buses, and so another stay at home day or wintering as you said. Sounds like you are a bit down with your health issues, which is normal, but think positive and know you are improving a bit each day. Take care, and do the best you can.
ReplyDeleteI am trying Linda. I know that this isn't forever, but each day feels like forever. Its just so hard at times. But I am trying. I know this too shall pass. No pun intended. xoxo
DeleteYou are in my thoughts and prayers, Marie. I'm sorry you are going through this.
ReplyDeleteLove, Mary