Everything today comes in a box. A box that needs to be disposed of. When you are starting from zero, those boxes add up!
Thank YOU Dan!! You rock!!
There is no sweets in my cupboard either now. Yesterday Cindy came over and helped me to go through everything. We had a big bag to take to the green bin and then a big box for me to take over to Eileen and Tim's for them to have for Tim's lunches etc. What a huge help that was to me. I had been saving the out of date stuff to throw out to the birds, which is not a great idea I guess. When you are one all on your lonesome it is difficult to get small packages of anything. So you might be craving a certain kind of cookie or whatever, but you have to buy a whole box to get one. The rest might sit there. I guess the solution to that is to bake only very small batches and not buy cookies at all. I was so appreciative of my sister's help. We sat down after and talked about nutrition and I made lists of what might make good breakfasts, etc. I know I should know all this stuff, and I do, but sometimes it just helps to put things down on paper.
With two bad blood results and another test looming it is time to get a handle on this. I am so grateful to Cindy for helping me with this.
I was sitting here last night thinking . . . I had been watching This is Us. That show always makes me cry. I thought to myself . . . I deserved better. Three husbands and all of them duds.
The first one who wanted all the perks of marriage, but none of the responsibilities, especially when a child came into the picture, leaving me on my own to raise our son. I deserved better.
The second, who I loved the bones off of, he was my one true love. He left me on my own for the most part of our 22 years together to raise four additional children and play second fiddle to his career, while he went off here and he went off there, leaving me often without a car and to do things all on my own. Verbally, emotionally and mentally abusive, a bully really. When that ended I was broken to the core. I deserved better.
The third, well . . . you know all about him. I deserved better.
I deserve to be cherished and valued in the same manner that I cherish and I value. I will never again settle for less than what I deserve. If that means I spend the rest of my life alone, well . . . that's okay! Its just a pity that it took me 66 years to realize this fact!
I am so looking forward to our General Conference this weekend, beginning today. I so love listening to what our church leaders have to say to us. I have been listening to a different talk each day in preparation for this weekend. It is surprising how much more I have gotten out of the talks than I did the first time I listened to and studied them. That is the power of the word . . . to be able to meet you where you are and with whatever you need to hear/read.
Anyways, I have been arming myself with a few things/questions I am looking for answers to. I just know I will get what I need to hear. I always do. Its like magic.
Of course in light of all that is going on in the world at the moment, I am even more eager to hear what inspiration my church leaders have to share with us. Come listen to a prophet speak. If you want to you can easily access all of the talks and music here. They start at 10:00 am MST.
She looks pretty innocent eh? All sleeping and stretched out. She is a little monkey. My sister and I were in the kitchen with Nutmeg and we heard a loud noise and ran out to the living room to notice that she had jumped up to catch one of my glass birds. Broke the tail off and sent it flying across the room. Little rascal. I knew it was only a matter of time before she did that. She had been eyeing them up for a while. I had discouraged her more than a few times.
She is the hunter of the two. Very quick as well. If one of them gets out the door, it will be her.
This one is more of a bumbler. He is quite affable and less serious minded. Eager to please. Not so independent. The prey would hear him approaching and easily get away.
Oh how I love them both.
As you all know I am estranged from two of my children. My youngest son and daughter. As a result I am also estranged from three of my 8 grandchildren. It is something which I have just had to learn to accept, as difficult and as heartbreaking as it may be. I ordered a new book yesterday called Done with the Crying, Help and Healing for Mothers of Estranged Adult Children. Every little helps. I think I am doing okay with it all, but then something will trigger the bad feelings all over again. I thought this book might be helpful. It has almost 2000 good reviews. What is sad is that that many adults have felt prompted to buy this book, and I know that there are many, many more people than this that deal with the issue.
I had a bad dream about it just before I woke up this morning. In my dream I was at church or a church thing of some sort and I looked over and there was my youngest daughter holding my youngest son's son. The grandson who just turned two the other day. I don't really know what he looks like really, but in my dream I knew it was him. I went over to her and I said to her, can I hold him. And the look on her face was enough to wake me up. Total rejection and revulsion. It was not nice.
I know dreams are not real. But sometimes they can feel real. Probably it was buying the book that triggered the dream. Rejection of any kind is difficult to deal with, but rejection from the ones you love and who are supposed to love you back is really difficult to deal with.
I am going grocery shopping with my sister this morning so must be off and about. I am looking forward to spending the time together and then seeing my father afterwards. It will be nice! Oh and on the positive front, I got paid for my book. Whew! Not the social media payment, I doubt I will ever get that now, but at least I got the payment for the book!
I will leave you with a thought for the day!
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And I do too!
You certainly did deserve better, Marie. Enjoy your General Conference. I'm diabetic, too, and it's really hard sometimes to control the cravings. Kudos to you for getting rid of "sugar" in your house. Love and hugs, Elaine
ReplyDeleteThanks very much Elaine! You cannot imagine how much I am missing the sugar. Salt too. :-( But its for my own good. Love and hugs and blessings to you. xoxo
DeleteGrocery shopping is always an adventure. Such a shame about the broken birdie, wonder if it can be fixed. Hoping that one day you will be able to see your estranged family. Know what it is like, was at least 15 years of not seeing/talking to our youngest, but very slowly she started letting us back into her life. Keep the faith.
ReplyDeleteIts fused glass so probably not, but I may be able to get one to replace it. I will see. I am so sorry that you have had to go through the same thing, but happy that your girl is starting to let you back in. Hope springs eternal. xoxo
DeleteI cry at This Is Us too..sad to see it go..Always something to learn..Great acting.
ReplyDeleteStarted Julia and it's great! You will love it!
We are also enjoying The Bay.
I am sorry you have distant children.
I just don't get it why they choose to be distant with you..but I know you are not alone:(
Look at the rest:)So easy to say I know..Im not preaching ..we know how we feel and that's that. ALL of them..Gosh a brother in law and sister like those two.Wow.
Character assassination by people who should really know better and be kinder. Hard to undo. I have started Julia, doesn't Sara do a great job of portraying her! I am truly blessed by the sister and BIL I have. They are stars! xoxo
DeleteHow wonderful of Cindy and Dan to give you a hand when needed, surely you do the same for them too!!! Hold your head up high, you deserve to and keep on being you. Your thought of the day is perfect! Enjoy your family and Conference….and God bless you. xox, V
ReplyDeleteThanks V! I did enjoy conference and will enjoy going back through the talks even more. God bless you also! xoxo
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