The Windows of Heaven . . .

 

So, here we are in May, 2021 and here I am on the precipice of building beginning a totally new life for myself.  I confess that I feel a multitude of things.  Excited to be sure, but also a little bit afraid.  Hopeful as well.  I have seen too many miracles happen in my life over these past months not to be hopeful.

I haven't actually picked up my keys yet. I am thinking maybe tomorrow.  They were cleaning/painting the place.  An elderly gentleman has been living in there on his own for the past year or so.  A widow and he passed away.  It didn't look too dirty, but you know . . . men . . . I am sure he tried. He was probably depressed from losing his wife.  Also it smelled a bit like he/they had been smokers so, a good cleaning and paint job was certainly required.

I can't wait to get in there and make it smell like home. 

Yesterday my sister and I were going to the grocery store and stopped on the way to look in the Home Hardware in town to window shop. Surprisingly they were open and so we popped inside to have a closer look. (properly masked, etc. of course)  There was only the manager and us in the store.  So many choices . . . 

 

I bought a sofa.  It was marked down from $1729 to $1299.  I sat on it and it felt so comfortable.  I could sit on the seat and my feet touched the floor.  Hmmm . . .  the manager came over and asked me if I liked it.  Of course I did.  He said he would see what he could do to give me some more off.  He went back and figured out a bit and  . . .  I got it for $799.  How could I resist.  That was close to $1000 off of the original price. And its already assembled.  They will deliver it on Friday.  So now I have a sofa to sit on. And the colors of the blanket I crocheted match perfectly.

I have my mother's maple dining room table, with six chairs and eventually the buffet and hutch. (My sister has to get a cupboard to replace it first.)

I have my bedroom set.  Remember I bought the Endy mattress in December. Like sleeping on a cloud.  I am leaving my mother's bed here for my sister to use as a spare bed. Its far too big for the spare room at the apartment and would take up too much room in the master bedroom. My Endy is a full, mom's is a King/Queen, so it has in excess of six inches on either side of my mattress.

He also gave me a really good deal on a washer and dryer, a tv stand (need to get a tv) and a chair. So now I pretty much have the basics and I can move in with the confidence that I can cope.

 

I have never actually lived all on my own.  This is a first for me.  I went from high school/college and my father's house to my first husband's house.  Then back to my father's house.  From there to my second husband's house.  Then to a rented bedroom in a stranger's house, then to mom's house and finally to my husband's house in the UK.

I have never had to do anything completely on my own.  Someone else has always been there to make the "Big" decisions, to take charge, etc.

It might sound laughable, but I have never NEVER been responsible for paying my own bills, etc. They have always been in someone else's name. Bank accounts, everything.

These last six months have been months of firsts for me.

Getting my own bank account.  Travelling halfway around the world in the middle of a pandemic all on my own.  Securing a place for me to live.  Setting up my internet, electrics, etc. all on my own for the very first time.  At the age of 65.

I have had a lot of help and moral support of course, for which I am abundantly grateful! The kindness of others has been overwhelming and so very much appreciated.  Right from the beginning of this journey to now. I have been so humbled by it all, and still wonder that I deserve any of it, but . . . I am so very grateful for it. 

Right from the very beginning of this journey I have taken I have felt the tender mercies of the Lord.  The blessings of heaven.  I have been showered. How can I be or feel anything but grateful and blessed. 

 

I have much to do this week.  First getting the keys to the place.  Moving in my boxes, etc. Getting things set up. I reckon I will be here at my sister's until at least Thursday.  Maybe longer. We will see how it goes. Baby steps.  The temptation is to prolong the inevitable and stay longer.  But . . . I can't continue and just tip my toes into the waters of independence. I need to just jump in.  Sink or swim.  God has always been with me and always will be. I can do hard things.

Thank you bouquet for my sister   

My sister has been so supportive of me through all of this, and Dan.  Right from the get-go.  When I first told her what was going on, she told me that I needed to leave and come home to Canada and that she would do whatever she could to help me out while I got myself sorted.  My brother shouldered the cost of my quarantine, my father the cost of my food/etc. while I was in quarantine.  Family.  That is what family does.

My church family and friends helped me to get over here, cleared my house, selling what they could. This gave me a bit of money to begin on again.  The generosity of others in donations, etc.  I am so very blessed, and filled with gratitude for it all.

I am still amazed that that little food blog that I was working on for 10 years is now partially supporting me.  Why did I not know or realize before that it could do that?  Why was I only inspired last August to take the steps necessary to do that?? I had no idea in August how very much I would need that support in the coming months.  I must have been inspired because I got my very first pay check from them in December, a month after I made the journey to Canada.  God is good.

Since then I have applied for and gotten my pension. Gotten the new eye glasses I had needed for the last few years.  Gotten myself a car and insurance.  Gained confidence and strength.  For the first time in my life I am totally supporting myself.  And it is scary to say the least, but I do not let all the "what-ifs" cloud my mind.

If I had let the "what ifs" cloud my mind I would not have gotten this far.  I have discovered an "inner strength" I never knew I had.  Again, God is good.  Through it all I have felt His arms and hands guiding me and the people around me.  

I don't know what I ever did to deserve any of this.  To deserve the goodness and mercy and love which flows through my life like a river.  I am so very grateful for all of it, for everyone. I have been surrounded by the Lord's hands in many, many ways from the beginning of this journey onward.  My faith has sustained me.  It will still.  I was broken but the cracks are slowly mending their way back together. My broken life is healing. You are a part of that. Thank you.

A thought to carry with you  . . .

 

° * 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •
•。★★ 。* 。
° 。 ° ˛˚˛ * _Π_____*。*˚
˚ ˛ •˛•˚ */______/~＼。˚ ˚ ˛
˚ ˛ •˛• ˚ ｜ 田田 ｜門 ★

The best way to forget

the bad things in life,

is to remember the good things.

° * 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •° * 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ • 

 

In The English Kitchen today I have gathered together some of my favorite small-batch recipes for cookies and bars. Being on your own doesn't mean you can't still eat delicious food. There is a bit of something there for everyone.

Have a wonderful Sunday.  I hope its a great day for you.  Don't forget!

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And I do too!