Saturday ponderings . . .

 

I was sitting here yesterday and I thought to myself. I am so tired of feeling sad. That's not how I want to end 2020 or begin 2021. Sad is not where I want to be, and yet . . .  here I am, and I suspect not for the last time. Into each life some rain must fall.

These last few years have been particularly hard. There have been some very painful losses but there has also been a lot of joy and happiness. If you were to put both on a scale of measure, thepositive/ plus side would be far heavier I think.

I think the trick to finding Joy is to look for the silver lining in things.  And I truly believe that there is one to be found in most things. 

 

2020 was a year I was really looking forward to seeing the backside of. I think I can pretty much speak for all of us when I say that.  It was also, however, a year that taught me many valuable lessons about myself and about others, as well as being a year of many positives.

For instance, 2020 gave us the opportunity to show the kinder, and gentler side of most people. All over the world we were lifted up by the positive examples of people turning lemons into lemonade. People had the opportunity to reach out to others in a myriad of ways and they did.  They made videos, wrote letters, facetimed, etc. We got to see the really positive side of social media and the www.  When this pandemic began there was very much a "We can do it" attitude which prevailed.

True, now we are all more than a bit tired of it all.  We have had to endure holidays on our own, away from family and friends, but we have endured it and I think this forced isolation will only make the coming back together much sweeter and more precious. Perhaps this is the silver lining of having been forced into being apart. The greater joy we will have . . .  and hopefully more sooner than later.

 

 

I think these past twelve months gave us an even greater opportunity to think about, ponder, and reflect on the things we have that we, more often than not, have taken and do take for granted.  It has enabled us to become more creative in the ways we interact with each other.  Mothers, fathers and children have had more time to spend together . . .  at home.  For some this may have presented a lot of challenges, but for many, many more it has been a great blessing. Celebrities have gone on line and done mini-concerts, etc. I have really enjoyed those things.

We saw the true value of our Health Care System and Health Care Workers. In the UK, every thursday night was set aside for standing outside our doors and "Clapping for our Carers." My heart was touched in a beautiful way each and every time.  Why do these people not get paid as much as footballers.  They surely need to be as the service they provide to each of us is worth infinitely more.

I saw many reaching out to others over these past few months in a multitude of diverse ways and in love.  Like butchers, bakers and candlestick makers who did not lay down and say die, but found creative ways to keep their businesses flowing and serve their communities in positive ways. Back in Blacon, I had stopped shopping in stores back in March, but I was able to get door to door deliveries of fresh meats, vegetables, etc.  Our Chester City Market rose to the challenge of people not being able to get out and were delivering their goods right to your doorstep in an incredibly safe way.  I don't think we had ever eaten better.  

The creativity and tenaciousness of the human spirit has been a truly positive thing.

 

This post is not meant to minimise the losses of anyone however. Many have had to say farewell to loved ones in unexpected and cruel ways. To have to die alone without family close by, or not to be able to be with your loved ones to say goodbye . . . sad . . .  there is no other word for it. No other word.  And we know it is not over yet, despite there being a glimmer of hope on the horizon.  

 

The other day when we took our father to the hospital and had to leave him there, without being able to go in with him, was a tiny taste for us of what many families have gone through over these past months. Thankfully our story had a happy ending. 

2020 was the year I got to discover how very brave I actually was.  That I could do incredibly hard things.

 

I am a person who hate, hate, HATES confrontation of any kind. I will walk a mile to avoid confrontation or negativity if I can possibly do so, but this year I faced it head on.  I was able to face an incredibly difficult situation that I had never dreamed in a million years I would be facing.  I got to live the bad movie.  I got to prove to myself that I can do really hard things.  I don't think there is a heck of a lot I could face now and be afraid of, although . . .  having said that . . .  I hope that I have not tempted fate and see 2021 trying to prove me wrong! 

The silver lining in what has been a really difficult, painful and heart rending situation has been that I get to actually be with my family and spend the precious last months/hopefully years of my father's life close by.  I might actually get to see at least one of my grandchildren as a baby and hopefully hold him. I will be able to forger closer relationships with hopefully ALL of my grandchildren and to be close to/see all of my children more regularly, something which I have missed so very much over these past 20 years. 

I get to spend time with my much beloved sister who I had not seen for 18 years, and to say a proper farewell to my mother which I had missed being able to do two years ago when she passed.

 

That is not to say that 2021 won't hold many challenges for me. It will. I still need to find a place to live and to be able to provide for myself. I need to find that final bit of courage and actually draw a line in the sand under Todd . . .  in reality rather than just talking about it.  I got another letter from him on New Years Eve and he is still trying to victimise me in a way.  Trying to make me feel guilty, or sorry for him, etc. As my sister says, I did nothing wrong, and none of this is my fault and I need to let him know that he is not going to make me feel that way and I need not to let him make me feel that way. That is a bit easier said than done, but I will get there. That's a promise I am making to myself. 

So . . .  2021 still holds a few challenges for us all.  But, if we could get through 2020, we can surely face 2021 and whatever it holds for us.  There is still that glimmer of hope on the horizon. The future looks very bright. 

 

We will get through this.  Together or alone. We can do it, and we will. Knowing we are not truly alone in any of this is half the battle.

A thought to carry with you . . . 

° * 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •
•。★★ 。* 。
° 。 ° ˛˚˛ * _Π_____*。*˚
˚ ˛ •˛•˚ */______/~＼。˚ ˚ ˛
˚ ˛ •˛• ˚ ｜ 田田 ｜門 ★
 *Change is hard at first,

messy in the middle,

and gorgeous at the end.

~Robin Sharma•。★★ 。* 。

 

 

Here is a photo of my father getting ready to enjoy the Tourtiere we made for him. We made this for New Years Eve and it was a tourtiere in the tradition of the Lac St Jean region of Quebec which is where he was born and grew up.  He was in tourtiere heaven and so were we. I am sharing that recipe today in The English Kitchen. Tourtiere du Lac St Jean. 

 

Have a wonderful Saturday. We are supposed to get a heavy snow fall here today.  Winter is arriving in full force!  Don't forget! 

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And I do too!