To have a heart that feels . . .

Some people feel with their heads, and think with their hearts. I’m glad to say that I am the exact opposite. I feel with my heart and think with my head . . .

A person’s heart is where they live their passions. Our hearts are frail, and can be easily broken, but they are also wonderfully resilient, having, in most cases, a blessedly, very short memory. There is no point in lying to one’s heart. It depends on our honesty for it’s survival.



In the past, when I thought that I was about to have my heart broken, I would so into safety mode. That is where I would retreat into my own safe place, where I could mask my pain, deny it altogether, and pretend that all was right with the world. There are lots of people like that amongst us. All of them, wounded soldiers, walking around wearing happy masks on the surface, while deep inside their world is being torn apart and into pieces. The walking wounded. Nobody ever knew I was a walking wounded. Nobody ever knew my pain. I held it to myself, a painful and heart wrenching secret, all of my own.



Struggling with the pains and aches of our heart is essential for positive change. Nothing will change if we keep it hidden away and try to pretend the pain doesn’t exist. Few things of lasting value happen without conflict of some sort. When I stop and look at the place I am today in my heart, I realize that the only way I ever got from there to here, was by going through the fire and experiencing some of the pain I had to go through in order to get here. When you go through the fire, you emerge at the other end somehow stronger, a better person for what you’ve been through, or at least you should be . . .

I'm glad that I am a softie, and that I have a heart that is open to being broken. I cannot imagine being the other way, with a heart so hard that none of the slings and arrows of life can penetrate it. When you hold up a shield to prevent all the bad stuff from coming in, it occurs to me, that you are also preventing all the good stuff from coming in as well. A life half lived is, after all, only a life half lived, and the best part of living comes from the lessons we learn from our experiences, the pain and the pleasure, the sorrow and the joy, the tears and the laughter . . . if we have never experienced the one, we can never hope to truly experience the other. I'm glad that I have a heart that lives and feels . . .



We are popping up to visit Terri today. I am going to wash her hair and tidy up for her and then we'll take her to the grocery store if she needs to go and generally just spend a bit of time with her. She is still in quite a bit of pain, but as she says, it will take some time to heal completely and I expect this is compounded by her age. I think she's doing fabulously in any case and am looking forward to spending some time with her.

Since I only cook in main house, three nights a week as well as five mornings, with the exception of dinner parties and celebrations, I often have to make things on the nights I do work, that I can stick into the fridge that are easy to heat up or to eat out of hand for the other evenings or the weekends. This is one of my old standbys and it’s really delicious. The Mr really loves these, and so does my Todd.



*Twice Baked Cheddar Souffles*

Makes 6
Printable Recipe

Don’t let the word soufflé scare you. These little babies couldn’t be easier to make. They go together fairly quickly and it is almost impossible to mess them up as long as you follow the instructions laid out in the recipe. They always rise beautifully and are wonderfully cheesy. The best part is that you can make them in advance and just pop them into the oven to re-heat when you want them, where they’ll rise up tender, fragrant, golden brown and perfectly, every single time.

300 ml whole milk

½ small onion, peeled and stuck with 1 bay leaf and 1 whole clove

40g softened butter, plus more for greasing the dishes

40g plain flour

150g strong cheddar cheese

2 TBS freshly grated parmesan cheese

1 TBS grainy Dijon mustard

Freshly grated nutmeg to taste

Salt and freshly grated black pepper to taste

3 medium eggs, separated

200ml double cream

Put the milk into a saucepan along with the onion, bay leaf and whole clove. Bring to the boil, then take off the heat and let it sit to infuse for 30 minutes.

Pre-heat the oven to 200*C/400*F. Butter six small glass ramekins well and set aside. Melt the butter in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Once it has melted stir in the flour with a whisk. Let it cook whilst stirring for about a minute. (this helps to get rid of any floury taste)

Remove it from the heat and slowly strain the heated and infused milk into it, whisking the whole time. Once it is smooth, return the pan to the heat and cook, stirring until the mixture is thickened and just beginning to boil.

Remove from the heat and stir in ¾ of the grated cheddar, (reserving the rest for later) all of the parmesan cheese and the mustard. Add the grated nutmeg along with a pinch of salt and a few grindings of black pepper, mixing it in well. Taste and adjust the seasoning if necessary. Beat in the egg yolks, one at a time until the mixture is smooth and glossy.

Whip the egg whites with an electric mixer until they are hold stiff peaks. Stir a little bit into the egg mixture to slacken it and then gently fold in the rest, taking care not to over mix. It’s ok if there are still a few white streaks. It’s the air from the egg whites that will cause the soufflé to rise so you want to keep as much air in them as possible.

Spoon the mixture into the prepared ramekins, dividing it amongst them equally. Place the filled ramekins into a large roasting pan, leaving some space between each. Fill the roasting pan with hot water to just come halfway up the sides of the filled ramekins. Place the roasting pan carefully into the pre-heated oven and let the soufflés bake for 15 to 20 minutes until nicely risen, set and golden brown. Remove from the oven. Carefully use the tongs to remove the dishes from the roaster and set them onto a rack to cool. Increase the oven heat to 220*C/425*F.

Butter a baking dish with a 2 inch rim very well. Once cooled, loosen the soufflés by running a knife around the edges and carefully dumping them out of the ramekins onto the palm of your hand. Place them into the baking dish, leaving a few inches between each one. **see note

Season the double cream with a little salt and black pepper to taste and then carefully spoon it over each soufflé, dividing it equally. Sprinkle the remaining cheddar equally over all. Bang them back into the oven and bake them for a further 15 minutes until the cream is bubbling, the soufflés have risen and they are nicely golden browned.

**If you are making them ahead, make them ahead to this point and then just cover with cling film and place in the refrigerator, for up to a day ahead, until you are ready to use them. Proceed then, as stated in the remainder of the recipe.



You know the deal . . . The English Kitchen . . . Rhubarb Bread and Butter Pudding. Lip smackingly delicious.