Ponderings on the year that was . . .

 

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As hard as it is to believe, here we are sitting pretty close to the end of 2021. Somehow we have basically gotten through another year, despite the Pandemic.  This can be a time of great reflection and introspection.  A time where we evaluate where the past year has taken us and where we want to go in the year to come.

I have never been a person who makes New Years Resolutions.  Oh, maybe once upon a time, but in all honesty, I do not keep most of the resolutions I make, and so for me resolutions are a no go. If I resolve anything at all, it is to become a better me. That, I can manage.

Last year at this time I remember feeling very broken, maybe even shell-shocked.  I couldn't see very far into my future.  I was basically just trying to get through one day at a time, and I think perhaps that is the best way to get through most difficult things which happen to us . . .  one day at a time. 

You do it, the one day and then you get through the next one, and the next one and before you know it, you've gotten through a whole mess of whatnot that you never thought you could get through. 

 

(source) 

This was very much a year of healing for me. I feel much better sitting at the point I am this year than I did last year, but I still have a ways to go.  I have learned some things about myself this year however. Things that I was amazed to learn about myself.

I am incredibly strong.  They say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I have learned that that is true.

 Oh, I have had many weak moments. Moments where I just sat and cried, and it is good to cry sometimes. Tears can be very healing.  But the brokenness is not a good place to dwell for very long.  So I allowed myself to cry, but I did not allow myself to wallow.  Progression does not come from wallowing or in self pity.

I did not ask why me, because to be honest I know that bad stuff happens to good people all the time. Instead I tried to ask myself what can I learn from this experience?  What positivity can I take from this? Where is the gold in this that I can use to stitch myself back together with?  

 

(source)

I was fortunate to have been able to surround myself with very good people.  I have always surrounded myself with good people, but this year I allowed myself to lean on their goodness and their strength to help propel me forward.  Leaning on those who want to help is not a bad thing and it doesn't mean you are weak. It means you are human, and sometimes as humans we need to draw on the strength of others.  My family, my friends, many of you.  You were often the strength I needed to draw upon when I couldn't summon up any of my own.

And not all of it was positive. I had some very hurtful and damaging comments and actions directed at me during this year and this experience.  But again, I did not dwell in them.  I asked myself, is this true?  Am I what they have suggested I am?  Each time the answer came, no.  That the comments left were saying more about the person who left them than they were about me.  I grew from that.   The things we say and do, always say more about us than they do about the person they are directed at.  When someone shows you who they are, believe them, and put them into the place where they belong.

I decided that I didn't need these people in my life and so I cut them off.  That's never been very easy for me. I was brought up to respect others, always.  But I have learned this year that respect is something which needs, in many cases, to be earned.  I can take constructive criticism.  Constructive criticism is often a good thing.  But allowing others to degrade you simply because it, in some way, makes them feel better about themselves at your expense, is never a good thing.  And so I put a halt to that as much as I could.  There will always be people who put out unjustified negativity.  Ignore them.

 

(source)

This year I learned to face my fears, my bullies, my shortcomings, my weaknesses and then use them to empower myself to become a better me.  I had never ever lived on my own, not ever in my life. I had gone from my parents home to a husbands home, to my parents, to a husbands, to a parents and then again to a husband.  Even when this latest crisis occurred I had to retreat into the arms of my loved ones, but I did not use it to propel me into the arms of anyone else, and I did not stay there.  

Instead I learned to live on my own.  I learned that I could support myself and depend on myself.  Rely on myself.  And it is scary, but it is also good.  I discovered that really I had not been "taken" care of  for all of those years, but that I had been "taking" care of.  And that now I needed to take care of  . . .  me.  And learning to take care of "me" was not a selfish thing to do, but empowering . . .  and, again, an opportunity for great growth.

I discovered a strength that I had had all along but not recognized.  I looked around at the women in my life and I saw that I had come from a line of very strong women, and that I was a strong woman also.  I saw that for the most part I had only ever experienced very weak men in my life and that it was not something I ever want to do again. 

In losing everything, I discovered the most important things, and I found myself.  The myself I had never taken the time to acknowledge or to recognize.

 

(source)

This was the year that I was able to put my faith into action and to draw upon it like I had never drawn upon it before.  God became very real to me and I saw and felt Him and my Savior every single day.  I have always been a woman of faith, and I have always believed in God and in Jesus Christ. I had never really allowed them to guide and carry me. My prayer life increased. I lived more in the scriptures. I clung to the good in the world in all that I read and watched. This year I had the opportunity to exercise my faith each and every day like never before.  Faith is like a muscle. It needs to be exercised and I gave it a real workout.  They never let me down. My faith in them never let me down. My faith became even stronger through the process.  

I learned how to forgive the unforgiveable.  

I think I became a better me. If I can end the year as a better me than I was when I began the year, then it has not been a year lived in vain, and I resolve again, to become a better me in the year that is to come.  Its exciting when you think about it. It really is.

I said a few weeks ago that my word for 2022 was going to be authentic.  I stand by that word.  2022 is going to be a year of authenticity for me.  In all that I do. In all that I think. In all that I feel. In all that I share.  As much as I can. In whatever way that I can.

And along the way I want to work less and paint more.

And that's enough for me.

A thought to carry with you  . . . 

° * 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •
•。★★ 。* 。
° 。 ° ˛˚˛ * _Π_____*。*˚
˚ ˛ •˛•˚ */______/~＼。˚ ˚ ˛
˚ ˛ •˛• ˚ ｜ 田田 ｜門 ★

 *Life is not measured by 

the number of breaths we take

but by the moments 

that take our breath away.•。★★ 。* 。 

In The English Kitchen today  . . .  Creamed Potatoes and Chicken. Except I used turkey and ham.  It was delicious and sized just for two people or one with leftovers.

Have a wonderful day!  I just realized its Tuesday, DUH.  Woman's Day book tomorrow.  haha, that is the week between Christmas and New Years. You can never really know quite what day it actually is! haha  Don't forget! 

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And I do too!

Small and Wonderful Things . . .

 

 

  

"The world is fairly studded and strewn with pennies cast broadside from a generous hand. But who gets excited by a mere penny?...It is dire poverty indeed when a man is so malnourished and fatigued that he won't stoop to pick up a penny. But if you cultivate a healthy poverty and simplicity, so that finding a penny will literally make your day, then, since the world is in fact planted with pennies, you have with your poverty bought a lifetime of days. It is that simple. what you see is what you get." ~Anne Dillard

A few of the small and wonderful things which bring untold joy into my life. It's the small things in life which truly mean the most. Simple abundance . . . it's the best.   

One more Christmas with my father. He turns 88 on the 17th of January.  We are so blessed to still have him with us and I feel an extra special blessing because just a few years ago I never thought I would see him in person again.  This past year has been an extra special gift for me.  Time with my dad, time to let him know how much he means to me in a multiple of ways. I never got to do that for mom, but I feel especially blessed that I am able to do it with dad. 

 

Having a family to celebrate Christmas with in safety.  I know many have had to celebrate it on their own again this year. I am especially blessed that I was able to spend it with my close family bubble. Cindy, Dan and dad.  We opened gifts and enjoyed a special meal together. It was really lovely.  Its not the food, nor the other gifts, but the gift of family togetherness that means the most.  I am truly blessed to have this in my life. 

On a side note, I love, LOVE this vintage Christmas table cloth that Elaine sent to me. It went beautifully on the table.  I used the place mats she had given me for my birthday turned over to the bottom in each place setting. They went perfectly. Thank you for being a special part of our Christmas Elaine! 

Christmas Dinner. How blessed we are to have such abundance on our table.  Turkey, gravy, mom's stuffing recipe (made by Cindy), mashed potatoes, squash, turnips, carrots and brussels sprouts, my sister's special sweet potatoes, rolls, butter and pie for dessert. I don't know how we managed to stuff it all in, but we did and we really enjoyed it.  Of course the icing on the cake was getting to enjoy it with each other! 

The wonderfulness that is Jake.  He just makes me smile no matter what.  We are hoping that we can spend a few days together at some point this year. Then I will have been able to spend time with all of Doug's boys!  Facetimed with them on Christmas Day briefly and then again yesterday. It was lovely seeing them all.

Jake colored me a picture.  Its from his new Sponge Bob coloring book. It made me smile! 

Grandsons who like to cook.  They made Tiramisu. I bet it tasted delicious too!   

 

The littlest chef  getting the turkey ready for the oven.  I love that all my grandsons like to cook!  At least the ones I know about.  Their dad's do too.  I guess those apples did not fall far from the tree! 

I facetimed with Anthony and his family also. Although it was not quite the Christmas that we had planned, we were grateful to be able to celebrate it in whatever way that we could. On Christmas Eve Anthony got a message from Gabe's school to say that one of his close contacts had tested positive for Covid.  Gabe did two of those rapid tests, one on Christmas Eve an one on Christmas Day, both negative. Lets hope and pray it continues.  

Anthony had found a photo album in his storage that came from his Paternal grandmother and we looked at the photos together on the facetime.  We were both blubbering at the end of it. So grateful for this son of mine with this tender heart.  There was one photo of my brother, dad, mom, myself, and Cindy (holding Anthony) standing in front of my father's car. I think Anthony must have been only about 6 months old in the photo. That one made us cry.  And there were others of me posing as a young woman, probably from when I was dating his dad.  I hope he is able to scan them and send them to me.  

But it was nice to get to talk to him and to Anne and the boys.  

And then yesterday I was able to bring a meal and some gifts over to Tim and Eileen.  They were happy with that.  Eileen is excited that she got an Air Fryer for Christmas so I have ordered an air fryer cookbook for beginners, for her birthday which is on the 7th of January. It is hard to believe she will be 44. How can that be!!  The years fly by so quickly.

 

My book officially goes on sale tomorrow.  It is another pinch me moment. I still have not figured out how to fill out the IRS tax forms so that I can get paid.   H&R Block said they had no experience with that, but they have given me information about some man they thought might.  So I will try to get in touch with him this week.  That is the last time I am going to write a book for an American Publisher methinks. Far too complicated when it comes to being paid.

But I am still grateful for the opportunity I have had to write it.  I used to dream of writing books when I was much younger and that dream has come true.  

 

My sister had to drive over and help me out yesterday. Nutmeg had gotten himself into a situation.  He had used his box and some had gotten stuck to his bottom and he had tried to rub it off but instead rubbed it in worse. I was trying to get it off, but he is big and he is strong, so I called Cindy and she came over to help me. (So grateful for a sister who can help me like that!)  It took the both of us but we managed to get him cleaned up. He wasn't very happy about it at first. What cat likes a bath?  He doesn't for sure. His sister was standing on the counter next to us watching as if to say to him, "What a maroon!"  Anyways, he got cleaned up. I ended up with an inch long cut to the palm of my left hand from one of his back claws as he was trying to escape us.

Now today I have had to take him off my island and the top of the stove quite a few times. He has finally figured it out how to get up there.  I hope and pray that jumping on a hot stove is not his next adventure. I will have to put pot lids on the burners now to try to dissuade him. Sigh  . . .  but I love these two little munchkins that bring so much joy into my life. I really do.

When I look back on the year that has just passed, I can see how very blessed I am and what a wonderful life I am living, despite all the hardships I have had to overcome to get here.  God is indeed very good.

A thought to carry with you  . . . 

° * 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •
•。★★ 。* 。
° 。 ° ˛˚˛ * _Π_____*。*˚
˚ ˛ •˛•˚ */______/~＼。˚ ˚ ˛
˚ ˛ •˛• ˚ ｜ 田田 ｜門 ★

 *By changing nothing, 

nothing changes.•。★★ 。* 。 

In The English Kitchen today, Chicken Pie. C O M F O R T!!  Delicious. 

I hope your week ahead, the last of 2021 is filled with lots of small and wonderful things!  Don't forget! 

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⊰✿░G░O░D⊰✿⊰L░O░V░E░S⊰✿⊰░Y░O░U░⊰✿
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And I do too!

Merry Christmas

 

Merry Christmas Everyone!

May your day be filled with all that is good!

Be happy, be blessed, be safe.

 

Christmas ponderings . . .

 

Sitting here on this cold, cold (-11) Christmas Eve morning and I am thinking.  I  am thinking of Mary.  Oh, intellectually I know that Christ was not born on Christmas Day, but during Passover, but we celebrate it now and so I am thinking of Mary and all that she went through.  

That long journey, the having to give birth in a stable without her mother or any other women around, alone.  Giving birth knowing that the child she was bringing into the world was not really hers, but the world's.  

A world that is not always kind to others or generous with their thoughts, deeds, or wealth.  A world that, generally speaking, was not really worthy of the sacrifice.  

I don't think we give Mary enough credit in this story most of the time. I am a mother.  I know the joys of carrying a child, and those secret conversations we have with them. That wonderful pleasure of the first movements, the little butterflies that tell you you are no longer alone.  The silent whispers of love to this being which is growing inside you . . .  I know the pain of childbirth . . . and the beauty of that moment when you can hold this wonderful little helpless creature in your arms for the first time.  And you are almost overwhelmed with the responsibility of it all, but you take it on because you cannot fathom not doing so.  You are in love, totally, irrefutably, undeniably, in love.  And you are lost in it all.

I know Mary must have felt all of those things, but also something else . . . she held this helpless creature knowing that he was really only hers for a short time, to love and to nurture and to help to become all that His Heavenly Father wanted Him to be  . . . 

And the shepherd's came and recounted all that they had seen on the hillside, the heavenly choir announcing his birth  . . . 

  "But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart." 

And then when they presented him at the Temple as was the tradition of the Jews to present their first born as a sacrifice to God, exchanging a dove for his return, and Simeon blessed them, and then turned to her and said  . . . 

"Behold, this child is set for the fall and rising again of many in Israel; and for a sign which shall be spoken against; Yea, a sword shall pierce through thy own soul also, that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed."

As a mother, I can imagine the sword began to pierce her soul right there and then . . . this role that he would play in the world, becoming suddenly clear. 

And then when he was 12 years old and they lost him, only to find him in the temple teaching the teachers. He says to her, did ye not know I was in my Father's house, doing my Father's business. 

All those years she must have held him close in her heart, enjoying all the things that mothers enjoy about bringing up their children. Maybe she had even forgotten for a time that he wasn't really hers forever and ever . . .   and ever.  It must have become even more clear to her  then and she must have had even more to ponder in her heart.

How proud she must have been of the man that he had grown into when she watched him walk about and teach the people of Galilee, and see the miracles he performed, and how much the people loved and revered him.  

I know a mother's pride in her children.  I am so proud of my own. 

What must have it been like for her to sit at the foot of the cross and watch her son die for this undeserving world.  A world that is often unkind and cruel. I cannot imagine the pain she would have felt, the sorrow  . . .  in that moment.

Oh how very strong and faithful and wonderful this woman was.  And so at this Christmas time I celebrate the birth of my Savior, but I also celebrate the wonderful example to us that was His mother, and I give thanks for her as well.  

 

(source)

I am going to give my house a quick once over today, vacuum, wash the floors, tidy up. Then I have a few gifts to wrap and I will start the prep for the Christmas Dinner I am cooking tomorrow.  I am going to my sister's tonight for Tortiere. That will be nice.

Eileen is okay. We spoke yesterday. She understands and is happy that I will bring them a meal on Boxing Day and their gifts, and that, when it is safe again, she and Tim can come and stay overnight, have a sleepover. She is happy with that. Crisis averted. 

I spoke to my friend Tina yesterday. She is recovering from Covid.  It is amazing that despite living in the same house, Tony did not  get it. I am so grateful she is getting better. 

Other than going to my sister's later today I am not going to go anyplace else. I will listen to the carols on the television and wrap pressies, clean, tidy, prepare and cuddle the cats, and I will feel grateful for this life that I am living. For my health and for my home and for my family and my friends. And for my Savior and his beautiful mother, and for each of you.

A thought to carry with you  . . . 

° * 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •
•。★★ 。* 。
° 。 ° ˛˚˛ * _Π_____*。*˚
˚ ˛ •˛•˚ */______/~＼。˚ ˚ ˛
˚ ˛ •˛• ˚ ｜ 田田 ｜門 ★\

*.˛.Christmas is most truly Christmas

when we celebrate it by giving

the light of love to those who need it most. 

~Ruth Carter Stapleton•。★★ 。* 。

 

In The English Kitchen today  . . .  Gingerbread Waffles with Lemon Cream.  These are such fun and that lemon cream is fabulous.  It goes wonderfully with the flavor of the waffles.

Merry Christmas everyone! Despite the challenges we are all facing,  may your holiday be filled with light and love and happiness.  Don't forget! 

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And I do too!       

 

My Favorite Things . . .

 

A few of the things in life that make my heart go pitter pat. Maybe they will do the same thing for yours. ♥♥♥    I'm pretty sure however, that these things mainly make my own heart sing.    

 

(source)

 

Traditions  . . .  there is much comfort to be found in family traditions that we practice every year, either as individuals or as families.  And it doesn't matter which holiday you are celebrating . . .  Christmas, Kwanza, Hanukkah, etc.  there are blessings in the familiar, and the things and practices we choose to surround ourselves and our families with each year. 

 

(source)

Hot cocoa on Christmas Eve. One thing which is popular right now are the Hot Cocoa Bombs.  We saw some at the local farm market yesterday when my sister and I were there. I was sorely tempted to get one to see what the hype was all about, but I resisted. Have any of you tried them? 

 

(source) 

Christmas Stockings.  One thing I used to long for as  child was a Christmas Stocking. We did not have them. Occasionally we might get one of those red net ones, and they were nice, but I always wanted to hang up a stocking on Christmas Eve and find it magically appear, stuffed to the gills, on the end of my bed by Christmas morning. Never happened.  My children all had stockings. Each one created lovingly by myself. Each was different so that they knew which one was theirs. Beaded and sequined, a labor of love. I wonder what happened to them or if they still have them. Life is a funny thing. 

 

(source)

Beautifully wrapped packages. I love them.  Elaine wraps gifts beautifully. I am hopeless when it comes to wrapping gifts.  I do not have the knack. It is a special talent I am sure. My ex-boss had a wrapping station filled with oodles of papers and ribbons, tape, etc. It was amazing. 

 

(source)

Gingerbread men.  I was going to make some this year. I still may. I borrowed one of my sister's cookie cutters to do so.  I'm not out of time yet. 

 

(source)

I used to love dressing up for the holidays. Can you remember doing that when you were a child?  Wearing your best on Christmas day. Crinolines and ribbons.  It made the day even more special.  We are very lazy these days.  We just wear the same old, same old.  People used to dress up to fly in an aircraft. There was a dress code.  In many ways I miss those days.  We have become to lackadaisical about many things. 

 

 

(source)

 

Norman Rockwell and Christmas.  He had the unique ability to make the everyday things of everyday life special and heart warming.  I always loved his artwork. He captured the essence of the human experience for his era. 

 

(source)

 

Can you believe I have never smelled Chanel No 5.  Never.  I don't think I have ever smelled Chanel anything. My boss used to wear Joe Malone and some other scents whose names escape me now. One of my jobs when packing for her was to decant perfume from the larger bottles into smaller travel bottles.  It was not my favorite thing to do at 3 or 4 am.   I was always so tired by then and worried about making a mistake.  Mom always wore Ma Griffe 1946 by Parven. Even now the smell of it reminds me of her. I used to like Sunflower by Este Lauder, and when I was a girl it was Love's Baby Soft.

 

(source)

I love to see a wreath on a door.  It says welcome. Come in. I was going to get one this year, but the cost of them seemed outrageous to me. Maybe next year I will make one.  This year I have a snowflake. 

 

(source) 

The Purple Finch  . . .  so beautiful  . . .  I love bird watching  . . . 

 

The reason for the season. I love to read the story of the birth of Christ, and everything surrounding it. It, to me, is one of the most beautiful stories, from beginning to end.  I never tire of it.  Some of my fondest Christmas memories have to do with the Nativity and with church.  Going to church with my father on Christmas Eve.  My ex and my friend Mabel's husband building a nativity together that sat on the mutual roof of our two front doors.  They built it and then had to saw it in half to get it up the basement stairs, lol.  Happy memories. It was a shadow box.  All the little nativities I had gathered throughout the years.  I will gather them again, or maybe not. This years began with my mom's Avon Nativity.  

In any case . . .  the reason for the season fills my heart with warmth and with love.

A thought to carry with you  . . . 

° * 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •
•。★★ 。* 。
° 。 ° ˛˚˛ * _Π_____*。*˚
˚ ˛ •˛•˚ */______/~＼。˚ ˚ ˛
˚ ˛ •˛• ˚ ｜ 田田 ｜門 ★\

*.˛.What is Christmas,

it is tenderness for the past,

courage for the present,

hope for the future  . . . 

~Agnes M •。★★ 。* 。 

In The English Kitchen today  . . .  Christmas Crack.  Cracker Candy.  Salty.  Sweet.  Crunchy.  Addictive.  Delicious.

Have a wonderful day!  Only two more sleeps. I love the buildup and am always so sad when its over.  Anyways, enjoy your day and don't forget! 

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And I do too!