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I love a messy bun. I love seeing them on other people. I always think they're so pretty and whenever I see them I think to myself, I should try that. But I am so not a messy bun kind of a person. I am a person who frets if a hair is out of place and spend ages trying to make my hair look okay every day, and yet . . . my hair always looks messy! I said to the someone yesterday that if I had an indigenous name it would be "Woman with Crazy Hair."
I have never been a person who has been happy with my hair. I always wanted straight silky hair. Instead I got frizzy hair and getting older isn't helping it. My hair is getting frizzier. I have all of these bits that stick out all over the place and I am sure that every day I lose a handful of hair. It gets everywhere and I mean everywhere. I probably just need a good haircut/trim.
My sister has nice hair. Her hair has always been straight and silky. My sister has always been the pretty one, like my mother.
I bought myself an inexpensive upright freezer the other day. It will do until I can afford to buy a better one. Usually when you have ice cream in the freezer, its a struggle to scoop it. At least that is the way it has always been for me. The freezing compartment on the top of my refrigerator is just not cutting it. I put some meat in there the other day, a piece of flank steak . . . 24 hours later it was still not frozen, and my vanilla ice cream is soft, soft, soft. Its probably too full. I don't think they are meant to hold long term frozen storage.
And so I took myself down to the local home hardware and bought a cheap upright. And they gave me a hundred dollar discount on that. It will be delivered around noon today. I should probably keep it in the garage, but my garage is still full of boxes waiting to be flattened, bundled and put out for pickup on garbage day. (I will get there I promise.) So I am going to put it into my spare room for now, probably for always, truth be told. Its not overly large, only 6 cubic feet. Its roughly twice the size of the freezer I had in the UK.
Every time I walk through my house I pinch myself. I am overwhelmed at times by what I have accomplished in such a short time, and I find it kind of scary to be honest. Like its too good to be true, like it was too easy. And I get scared that I will lose it all again. I have never in my life been totally in charge, or had only myself to please. I've been the caregiver for so many years, always having other people to take care of. From the time I was about 13 really, which is when my mother decided that she wasn't going to pay people to take care of her home and children any longer. Mom worked full time from the time I turned 11. She paid for housekeepers for a few years, but then decided that I was capable and competent enough to do it. I used to help get the supper started, some light housekeeping and took care of my younger sister and brother.
And then I got married and raised a family, and brought them up and then I took care of an elderly husband for twenty odd years. I said to my sister one day not long ago, I haven't slept all night in 46 years. I had my first baby at the age of 19 and I've been sleeping light ever since.
Although I have been the caregiver for most of my life, I have never been in charge. Kind of funny that. I have always deferred to others, letting them make the final decisions about everything, and here I am now . . . the one making the final decisions. Its kind of daunting when I think about it. The buck stops here and I can't pass it on to anyone else.
I do know that all that I have is down to the goodness and grace of God. Tender mercies. Given into my keeping and stewardship.
I know now how my mother felt for all those years she was on her own. I suppose I am following in her footsteps in a way. With the exception of the last few years of her life, she was on her own from the age of 53 . . . dependent on only herself for everything. It is more than a bit daunting. I am even prouder of her now, knowing how she had to cope on her own. In awe of all she accomplished and did for herself. It must have been so very difficult for her to have to give up her independence bit by bit over the last years of her life, she who had always been so fiercely independent. What a brave woman she was. I miss her so much.
The world is full of brave people . . . people who show their courage and bravery in a huge assortment of ways. They are all such an example to me.
I saw a black squirrel this morning. Feeding beneath the bird feeder in the next door neighbors back garden. It was such a pretty little thing. So now I know I have black, red and grey squirrels here and of course the chipmunks, etc. I have determined that there are two chipmunks because I actually saw one chasing the other away yesterday. And here I thought I just had one very greedy little chipmunk who was coming over and over again each day for peanuts. Now I know its two, not just one with a voracious appetite.
I want to get a few more feeders, rather than just the one that I have. I love bird watching so very much and I don't get to see many at the moment, except for the incredibly entertaining hummingbirds, and the odd cheeky jay. I put out stale buns for them most mornings.
It seems like it was only a few days ago that I was taking photos of the magnificent maple out back of my house as it unfurled its tender green shoots and look her. This morning. Things are already changing. But then we are into August as hard as that is to believe. We are hurtling towards the far side of Summer now.
I say hurtling because that is the way the minutes, days, weeks, months seem to pass. At the speed of light almost. Its scary when you think about it. The time passes so quickly.
I think this will be a most stunning tree in all of its autumn glory when the time comes.
I had a really busy day yesterday in between feeding the chipmunks and jays etc. I went out first to get a few groceries and then I spied Dan in the parking lot waiting for Cindy and we got to speak a few minutes. And then I got home and put everything away, was getting ready to make some lunch when my phone rang and it was Jacquie. She is all moved into her house now and was in the neighborhood and wanted to take me out for lunch. So I put my lunch aside for my supper and we went around the corner to Angie's restaurant. She had fish and chips and I had a turkey sandwich and then wished I had had fish and chips. I am trying to break the mold and to experience other things and not always order the fish and chips, but know what? I have discovered that nothing beats the fish and chips. I should just stick with what I know and love.
And then I got back and my sister had dropped by and left something in between the door for me. A mug I had cross-stitched for mom many years ago and the bag from the dried beans with the recipe on it for Elaine. (I will e-mail you!)
And then I had to get busy and do some work for a few hours. I can't wait until I am allowed to share with you what I have been doing. Its very exciting and I hope that you will also find it exciting. I think that you will.
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This business of finding the God in every day is a beautiful thing really. It can be so easy to lose sight of the sacredness in the mundanity of the every day. However, it is there all the same and it will be there . . . every day, whether you choose to look for it or not.
And just think . . . if you don't look for it, you will have missed it. It is easy to miss the sacred in the climate in which we live don't you think? We tend to trivialize the ordinary when in reality it is the ordinary which is sacred. As John Lennon so famously said, "Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans."
A thought for today . . .
° * 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •
•。★★ 。* 。
° 。 ° ˛˚˛ * _Π_____*。*˚
˚ ˛ •˛•˚ */______/~＼。˚ ˚ ˛
˚ ˛ •˛• ˚ ｜ 田田 ｜門 ★
•。★★ 。* 。
° 。 ° ˛˚˛ * _Π_____*。*˚
˚ ˛ •˛•˚ */______/~＼。˚ ˚ ˛
˚ ˛ •˛• ˚ ｜ 田田 ｜門 ★
*Sometimes good friends remind us
to take a detour now and then.
Let them . . . •。★★ 。* 。
In The English Kitchen today . . . Tuna Nicoise Salad. Deliciously simple.
I hope you have a wonderful Wednesday! Whatever it is you get up to, don't forget!
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