I've been thinking . . .

  

Today it has been six weeks since we have left our home. When I started out 2020 I was thinking that this was going to be the year of intention for me, I had no idea that this was what it was going become.  None of us did.  I am a firm believer in making lemonade out of lemons however and so that last few days I have been thinking about the lessons I have learned thus far from this whole Pandemic Experience.  Because . . .  if you're not moving forward, becoming, learning . . .  then you're not living your life the way you could or should be. 

 

I am incredibly blessed and whilst I thought I was always pretty grateful, I was not grateful enough.  There were many things I took for granted.  Like just being able to walk out my front door without being afraid.  I think it will be a long time before I am able to do that again, if ever.  I never ever thought there would come a day when the sound of the doorbell would be accompanied with a feeling of fear in my gut. It has and we do.  We look at each other like deer caught in the headlights . . . we are sincerely afraid to open our door because we never know what is on the other side.  Door openings are accompanied with disposable gloves, disinfectant, hand washing, etc.  Perhaps we are too paranoid, but I wonder if there is such a thing as being too careful?  I don't think so . . . 

 

There are ever so many more kind people in the world than there are unkind people.  All around me I see the cream rising to the top. People putting themselves in harms way just to help others.  Health care workers, carers.  People who are the least vulnerable reaching out in kindness to help those who are the most vulnerable in amazing ways.  It is too easy to dwell on the negative, especially when the news media would have you believe that the world is going to hell in a handbasket.  When I look around me I see it isn't so.  I see postmen still delivering the mail, garbage men still picking up the garbage, nurses and doctors putting themselves on the front lines of danger every hour of every day.  Neighbours reaching out in kindness to each other, picking up milk or bread or whatever.  Checking up on each other to see if we're okay. Oh sure, there are still some stupid people about, but truly they are in the minority. 

 

We have been far too wasteful in the past with what we have. I always thought I was pretty good at using things up, but in retrospect I don't think I really was as good as using everything up as I thought I was because I have suddenly become better. Re-using plastic baggies, cling film.  Making every crust of the bread count. Finding ways to use up every last scrap of every little thing so that none gets thrown away. Only buying what we absolutely need.  And our bank account is reflecting this.  We have become a little more intentional with everything we buy, use, etc. I sometimes feel ashamed at what I have wasted in the past. Never again. 

 

The joy in our days is truly measured by how we decide to look at them, and how we choose to view what happens to us. I could choose during this pandemic, to live each day in fear . . .  I could do all the right things, and yes, I could still die.  The difference will be made by how I view each day. Maybe I cannot leave my house for now and maybe I have to be very careful about what I allow into my house, but that doesn't and shouldn't stop me from living.  Pick up the telephone and call someone you haven't spoken to in a while. Use this extra time to learn a new skill. At the end of the day it is not the crust of bread that you have wasted that will matter the most, but the day which you have wasted.  Don't waste all of your todays waiting for a better tomorrow.  Enjoy today for the gift that it is. 

  

I have always been a really compassionate person.  Willing to forgive others very easily.  But I have always struggled a bit with being able to forgive myself. I am taking this time to learn how to do just that. Oh, I think I will always have some regrets about things I could have done better, about choices I should have made . . .  but at the end of the day I can't change them.  They are a part of who I am and what has shaped me. Do I like who I am?  I think I do!  And if I like who I have  become and who I am becoming, then I just have to forgive myself.  If other's can't or won't forgive me, then that is their choice. It says much more about them than it does about me.  

 

In reality not a lot has changed in my life, which leads me to believe that I probably wasn't getting out of my home near enough.  Church and the grocery store for the most part were the only places I had been going.  Medical appointments and the odd lunch date.  When I think back on it, its been that way for years, with the exception of the years I was working outside the home, I have always been a homebody. When I was at school, I couldn't join after school clubs because I had responsabilities at home being the eldest child.  When I got married and had a family, the same thing.  I was always content to be at home however. Its always been my happy space, but when your whole country gets put into lock-down and you don't see much difference in your life, that is probably an indication that you need to make some changes when the opportunity presents itself again.  Maybe I should not be so content to just stay at home when we are finally allowed out and about?  Maybe I should take the opportunity to go out more when I can?   To do more?  To go more places?  Its been years since we have had a holiday, or even had a fun day out and about. I need to change this when I can. 

 

I spend too much time sitting.  I used to go on long walks every day, walk on my treadmill, etc. I need to move more.  I was going to an exercise class once a week right up until a few years ago.  I wish I had kept it up.  It might be hard, but I need to start doing something exercise like every day, even if at first it is only done standing in place.  The more I do it, the easier it will become and the more I will be able to do.  I have let pain paralyse me.  

 

Its time to plan a staycation.  We have a tent and sleeping bags, camp stove, etc. None of it has ever been out of the box.  Perhaps when the nights get a bit warmer, we should sleep out in the back garden in the tent.  Have a little bonfire and toast some hot dogs and marshmallows. So what if the marshmallows have snowmen faces on them.  If we can't go to a holiday then we can certainly bring the holiday to us.  We should and must make the most of every day we are given no matter what.   They are saying now that these changes we are living could last indefinitely.  Nobody has any real idea of when it will be safe again or even if life will ever get back to normal.  We can spend our days waiting for a normalcy that will never come, or we can spend our days making the most out of what has become normal for now.

Oh, I am sure I have learned ever much more than what I have shared from this time. The greatest thing has been learning what matters most and to stop chasing other people's dreams, the art of being content.  I am running out of time however so really need to end this now.  What are some of the things this Pandemic has taught you? 

A thought to carry with you  . . . 

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•。★★ 。* 。
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˚ ˛ •˛•˚ */______/~＼。˚ ˚ ˛
˚ ˛ •˛• ˚ ｜ 田田 ｜門 ★
 *Life itself is a priviledge.

But to live life to the fullest, well . . .

That is a choice. ~Andy Andrews

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In The English Kitchen today  . . . Deviled Ham Spread.  I took some of the leftover ham from Easter and made this delicious spread for on crackers or in sandwiches.  Its delicious.  A bit spicy, with a bit of heat, but incredibly tasty as well! 

Have a good Wednesday. I wonder how you will make it the best day ever?  I wonder how I will?  We shall see. Whatever you get up to, don't forget! 

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And I do too!