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It wouldn't be Fall without smoke and haze,
The hills all bare and the trees ablaze,
The cricket's song and dry, hot sod,
And wheat fields bordered with goldenrod.
It wouldn't be Fall without laden boughs
And warm, sweet fragrance of open mows,
Cluttered stooks, and the smell of grain,
Rich like the perfume after rain.
It wouldn't be Fall without frost at night
And birds, all ready to make their flight,
Chattering around in the garden bare,
Filling with song the golden air.
It wouldn't be Fall without sodden leaves
And drip of rain in the wooden eaves,
Purple asters to nod and fold,
Wide old gardens and fields of gold.
The feel in your veins of changing things,
The sound in the night of hurrying wings,
Scarlet vines on the garden wall ---
Had we not these . . . it wouldn't be Fall.
~Edna Jacques, It Wouldn't be Fall
My Kitchen Window, 1935
What a beautiful journey Cindy and I had up the Valley towards Cambridge the other day in the car. We always take the old highway. It is much more picturesque and winds itself through small towns and villages along the way. Farmer's fields, etc. We were treated to a panorama of beautiful Autumn colors bordering both sides of the highway. The trees were at their best with beautiful reds, ambers and golds. Not a lot had fallen yet, but we had high winds yesterday, so I imagine that a lot let go in the wind. There were fields of pumpkins, and apple orchards abuzz as the farmers rush to get in the last of the crop and the late season apples and pears. We are so blessed to live in such a beautiful place as we do. A place of seasons and months that give us the gifts of change.
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If I were a much younger woman and I won the lottery I would build a house and surround it with trees designed to gift me with the most spectacular show of autumn colors. Of course, if I did that now, I am at such a stage of life as I would never live long enough to see the trees grow into that stage, but what a lovely plan that would have been once upon a time.
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Always be a first-rate version of yourself,
instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
~Judy Garland
It has taken me pretty much a whole lifetime to do it, but I think I have finally learned the art of loving myself. When I think of the hours I have wasted trying to live up to the standards of others and always falling short, it's almost criminal, but then again, maybe that is an integral part of the journey towards learning to love yourself.
We can all be so very hard on ourselves. Critical. Demeaning. Of course, the media does a great job of trying to convince us that we should look, think, and act a certain way. We are surrounded by images of great beauty and standard, both in home and deportment. Beautiful models that in reality are very young girls, teenagers really . . . trying to sell us face creams and make ups, hair colors, clothing, etc. All of which look spectacular on a fifteen-year-old with no wrinkles, slim limbs, pretty knees and ankles, long necks, and abundant heads of hair.
Instagram and other social platforms are filled with images of beautiful homes and gardens. And I do so love to look at them. But the reality, for me anyways, is I will never have the time, money or energy to be able to curate such things for myself, and at this stage of my life, I don't have the will either. I have more important things to do. I do so love to admire the efforts of others, but one thing I have learned about myself is I lack the patience to do things that way. Nor do I have the funds, and that's okay. I am content to just look and admire and give credit where credit is due. I no longer have the need or the desire to want to replicate any of it for myself.
Old age brings with it a gift . . . the gift of being able to love yourself. When you realize that your days are numbered and that there is far more time stretching behind you than in front of you, things come into perspective in a beautiful way. The things that once mattered, the scales of comparison . . . begin to fall away. You learn to be content with who you are and what you have.
You recognize the beauty in all of the wrinkles earned, and the value of experience in a way that the world does not. It is a wonderful gift to be able to accept the grey and not long for anything else . . . to be able to embrace the value in who you are and the journey you have taken. To value the time that you have left and to want to make the most of it for as long as you can.
Many people in my family never made it even to the age of sixty-five. My mother always said if you can get past sixty-four in our family you have it made. I remember waiting and watching every day of my sixty-fourth year for the axe to fall. It didn't and I was grateful for that.
Many of the people I knew when I was young, that I went to school with, that I was friends with, are gone now and at rest, and that is sad. But I am still here, and I know what a gift it is that I am. The gift of the present and in being present. Each day should be unwrapped with joy and reverence, every wrinkle honored, every battle fought and won celebrated for what they are. You deserve to love you; you have earned every ounce of love that you can give to yourself. Wear it like the trophy that it is.
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So far, I remain healthy. Dad was already sick on Wednesday night. When I got to the restaurant Cindy was there and she said Dad had a bad cold and he coughed and snorted and blew his way all the way through dinner. I don't even know why he came out. Cindy was already starting to feel a bit unwell herself. But she had come with him because she knew he wasn't well enough to drive himself. It was an act of service. She knew that he was bound and determined to go and would have driven himself in any case. I don't think any of us thought that it was Covid. I stopped in yesterday with some things for them. Masked of course and I kept my distance. Dad was still in bed feeling poorly and Cindy had had a bad night of coughing. Of course, she is unable to fully rest as she has Dad and Dan to take care of.
Myself, I have had a few times where I thought I had a scratchy throat and was a bit sniffly, but so far it has not developed into anything and for that I am grateful, and I pray that it continues. But I also know what will be will be and I am braced for whatever comes.
I am not totally naive. It is probably in all actuality already on my cards.
Typically, both Cindy and myself are not very social animals. We don't have a great need to be around other people and are quite happy with our own company or just with each other. Dad, he loves to be around other people, and he loves his daily jaunts to Tim Hortons for his cup of tea. He hugs everyone that offers him a hug. His attitude is that he's 90, (91 in January) and he has lived a good life and is ready to go whenever. We can't seem to make him understand that we are much younger and are not ready yet to go into the wide blue yonder.
I think it is time for us to re-access what it means for us, this desire of his to gallivant around and be so social. I think he needs to start being much more careful and less huggy with others and a bit more respectful of us. I only go to those Wednesday dinners because he expects us to join him, and I hate to disappoint him. I know he will go whether we are there or not, plus his Saturday morning and Sunday morning breakfasts out. I wish he would just stay home, but I am not his jailer, nor is Cindy. It is a hard place to be really and I do not know what the right answer is. The acceptable compromise.
My brother took some really lovely photos of the Northern Lights. I have not been able to see them myself due to heavy cloud cover. I did witness them many years ago when we were living in Northern Alberta. I could lay in my bed at night looking up at the sky through the window and watch them. Swathes of undulating color and light across the expanse of the night skies. They were very pretty. People all over the U.K. have also been enjoying them. What an amazing gift. Not only the gift of the changing colors here on earth, but in the nighttime skies. Beautiful.
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Time, something which we never seem to have enough of. Time has a duality of nature for which the Greek's had two words . . . "Chronos" which is time at her worst. The keeping of deadlines, agendas, schedules, clocks etc. the world's time . . . and then "Kairos" which is transcendence, infinity, reverence, joy, passion, love, the sacred, etc. Kairos is the spirit's time.
We "do" in chronos. We "are" in kairos. I would rather dwell in Kairos. How is that possible:
- Slow down
- Concentrate on only one thing at a time
- Doing whatever we are doing as if it were the only thing worth doing in that moment
- Pretending we have all the time in the world, and tricking our subconscious into thinking it so
- Making time
- Taking time
The price we pay is our willingness to stop running long enough to hear the music around us.
And with that I will leave you with a thought for today . . .
° * 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •
•。★★ 。* 。° 。 ° ˛˚˛ * _Π_____*。*˚
˚ ˛ •˛•˚ */______/~\。˚ ˚ ˛
˚ ˛ •˛• ˚ | 田田 |門 ★
*.˛.°There is a magic in that little world,
home; it is a mystic circle that
surrounds comforts and virtues never
known beyond its hallowed limits.
Robert Southey ° * 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •
° * 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •
My newest recipe in The English Kitchen. Peanut Butter "Butter" Cookies. Crisp and delicious, loaded with peanut butter flavor. I love these. A recipe from out of the recipe box Tina returned to me. I also did a video on making them on YouTube.
I hope you have a beautiful weekend. Happy Thanksgiving to my Canadian family and friends! I hope you have a weekend filled with love and family and good food and good health and peace. All things nice. Whatever you get up to, wherever you are, don't forget!
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⊰✿░G░O░D⊰✿⊰L░O░V░E░S⊰✿⊰░Y░O░U░⊰✿
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And I do too!
═══════════ ღೋƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒღೋ ═══════════
And I do too!
Could be burning bush..the shrubs you are seeing..Sumac turns red but invasive ..and doesn't look like a pretty bush.I hope you don't get it.I don't think I could ever be a Timmies or anything else..Going to a resto alone has never been in me.But who knows..Im so glad you have your sister and vice versa:)
ReplyDeleteThat does sound very likely! I am not that fond of the Timmies here in NS. But I used to work there so I know "all" about it. I am so grateful for my sister also! (as you know!) xoxo
DeleteDear Marie, this post was wonderful. Your thoughts and words are profoundly meaningful. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteI hope your dad and Cindy are soon well and that you and Dan stay well
It's a difficult issue with your dad and his need to socialize.O hope he will begin to understand your feelings.
Much love and a joyful Thanksgiving
Mary
Thanks very much Mary. Cindy is finally feeling a bit better today. (Sunday) but Dan now has it. Dad is also starting to feel better. I am still in limbo. xoxo
DeleteI think it can be very hard to get through to men that they must do, or not do, certain things because of the impact upon their caregiver, or others!! I have days I remind my husband of such. I have learned via Judaism that I actually have an obligation to GOD to protect my body as well as I can. Plus if I am going to keep taking care of my husband, in some things he must humor me and go along with it, if he does not want his living situation to change. If I pass, there is NO ONE among kin able to take care of him...everyone is working at demanding jobs. A nursing home is usually a nightmare nowadays because there is never enough help. So in order for things to continue as they are here, I must have time to rest and nothing unnecessary being expected. That is not selfish. It is just how humans must be to continue. Your poor sister. I had covid rather badly as well, but my husband was weaker and I had to take care of him at the same time. I so understand!! I hope you can manage to take prepared food by for them...CHICKEN AND VEGGIE SOUP especially!! So she can rest enough to recover too. REMIND your dad in the future, if you feel it is NOT best to go somewhere. ASK him if he is wanting you or your sister to die and he have to live elsewhere. Because that is truth. That is not dishonor. SO MANY of the young have already died in this plandemic. You and your sister have lives that are very worth living too!! GOD have mercy on us all!!
ReplyDeleteHugs, Elizabeth xoxo
Asking people if they want to die is a little dark and cryptic. Better to re-phrase it something like do you want to go to the other side, meet your maker, head to the light, etc seems a bit more diplomatic.
DeleteI never thought of taking care of my body as my obligation to God. Reading your post today gave me an insight. This is why being open to the wisdom in different ways of worship and being-ness is a Blessing. Your observation that if the younger ones die, there is no one left to care for the elderly is definitely thought-provoking!
DeleteYour post today was truly profound in several ways, and I thought that it could be a small book of wisdom. Your path reflects life, I think, and when you reveal your insights, they have a truth to them that reaches out and increases my awareness. With your Dad, Marie, the way that you and your sister respect him is beyond wonderful. Praying for you all! xoxo
DeleteThank you for your encouraging words Anonymous!! Some days are so very hard and our situation though difficult enough, is way worse to us emotionally because one of our children is trying despertly within the courts to protect her children from their very mentally off, pedophile EX. So far, VERY little has been done by the courts...even though our daughter has had to pay over 60K already and more yet is coming even this year. So many these days are in similar straits. But we do know this will ultimately be temporary. And ONE DAY over!! We have learned so much from rabbis...and many of them are online, youtube, etc...free even!! Some of the music and prayers will take you to such a wonderful place. BLessings on you too and all prayers are appreciated!!
DeleteMen can be very stubborn indeed Elizabeth! Thanks everyone for your thoughts and your prayers. xoxo
DeleteYour dad has earned a daily outing, he has paid taxes all his life so he might as well enjoy himself now. Some people don't like to be stuck indoors. I'm out every day, just fill up on supplements and vitamins and avoid super crowded high volume times.
ReplyDeleteHi...I'm Marie's sister Cindy. I worked my whole life, paid taxes, and raised 4 children. In my mid 50's I gave up the life I enjoyed to move to this province to take care of my mother until she passed. It was a privilege. I now take care of my father. I too have earned the right to enjoy my life, or what is left of it. What you don't know is that almost every day I drive my father to the coffee shop and go pick him up when he's done. No one is saying he shouldn't enjoy his public outings. But, I have compromised lungs and this is an illness that could very well take my life...people are still dying from it. All we ask of him is to be more discriminate about keeping an appropriate distance from the other people there and to stop hugging people who actually mean nothing to him and that he only sees when he's at the coffee shop. My father takes a sh**load of vitamins and supplements and it did not prevent him from catching covid and giving it to me. I wouldn't even want to guess how many people come and go in one hour at the coffee shop. I am the only sibling that is able to care for him and if I were to die he will spend the rest of his life cooped up in an understaffed nursing home.
DeleteHi Cindy! You are an amazing person -- talented, and loving to your family. Please take care of yourself, and wear a mask whenever you think you are being exposed to germs while out of your home. Here's an idea and I hope it will appeal to your Dad. Could you and Marie take turns a few times a week having a tea-time where your Dad has a proper go at coffee, hot tea, or a cold beverage, and little sandwiches and cakes, or maybe those baked hotdogs that Marie has the recipe for? Air fryer potato fries would go well too! I don't know how you can change your Dad, but I have a feeling that he would respond well to being made aware that you are concerned about YOUR lungs and being exposed to germs while in the coffee shop. Explaining to him that you are concerned about second-hand germs, even when people are trying to be careful, could be a dignified way to help him give up his outings to the coffee shop. Maybe just saying --- "can we put these outings on hold for a while until this COVID infection wanes?" And then say -- "I am worried that I could get sick and die, and then I won't be here for you." I have a feeling that your Dad will respond with understanding, especially if you offer him a tea-time and the company to enjoy it with. The key is to give your Dad a chance to respond with dignity to the need for YOU to catch a break here without making him feel guilty. Sending you hugs and appreciation!
Deletexoxo
Sounds like good points, and it's true that every situation is different. While I spend a lot of time out of the house, I'm not a touchy-feely person who hugs and shakes everyone's hand, in addition I usually go out during off times when crowds are sparse. Sounds like dad is a friendly hands-on person, perhaps he can be persuaded to not hug people and avoid crowds when out. Good luck, sounds like the situation is somewhat of a balancing act.
DeleteI think my sister has presented her/my side very well. There has to be a happy compromise in all of this. Neither one of us wants him to suffer from loneliness or lack of socialization. But we also all want to feel safe and a bit of compromise on his part would be most helpful. xoxo
DeleteThank you everyone for your thoughts and suggestions! xo
DeleteAs you have all your Covid shots, even if you do get symptoms they should not be nearly so bad. Lovely poem and thoughts today. Take care, have a good weekend.
ReplyDeleteThanks Linda! I am still not showing any symptoms really, other than occasionally I get a scratchy throat and a bit of a post nasal drip. Nothing worse. So far. Lets hope it continues. Dan is feeling poorly now and Cindy and Dad are improving. xoxo
DeleteLovely, long post today, Marie. Maybe Cindy should read her response to “Anonymous” to your dad. It was very well spoken. I’m sure your dad doesn’t wish either of you any harm. Maybe he doesn’t really understand the repercussions. Hope you don’t get Covid and hope your dad and Cindy recover quickly. We watched the video of you making those lovely Peanut Butter “Butter” cookies. I plan to make them but we only have the crunchy peanut butter. Do you think that would work? I couldn’t smell your cookies baking, Marie. Please fix that, lol. Watching your video was like having a visit. It was fun to hear about your award and your beautiful little recipe box. Have a nice Thanksgiving. We all have such a lot to be thankful for. Love and hugs, Elaine (in Toronto).
ReplyDeleteI am sure Dad doesn't really want either of us to get ill or wish us any harm either Elaine. He just, as you say, doesn't understand the repercussions of his behavior. I suppose as well it is very difficult to change so many years of these habits of being a huggy person. I hope you do make the cookies. I think you could certainly use crunchy peanut butter! We do have a lot to be thankful for! Love and hugs, xoxo
DeleteLove the quote by Judy Garland.
ReplyDelete