Wednesday Witterings . . .

 

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I started to watch the Downton Abby film last night, A New Era.  I am not sure how I feel about it.  I was about 6 or 7 minutes into it before I realized that they hadn't replaced Hugh Bonneville with some other actor. He just did not look like Lord Grantham at all.  I think I am missing something.  There was a huge leap from the series to this.  Was there a film or show in between that I have missed?  It started out with Tom Branson getting married, and the Dowager looked incredibly old.  Or maybe she was made up to look older than she really was.  I hate holes in stories . . . feeling like something vital is missing.

I am not sure I will continue it.

 

 

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The cats did enjoy watching the squirrel and the birds yesterday.  I had gotten a new birdfeeder at Giant Tiger at the weekend.  The squirrel could not figure out how to get into it, which is a good thing.  The morning dove neither, but that didn't stop it from walking back and forth on the railing, much to the cats' delight. Or quite possibly frustration  . . .  so near and yet so far  . . . 

I dreamt of my friends Audrey and Peter Lee last night.  They have been gone a long time now. Audrey a few years prior to my return to Canada and Peter last year.  They were always such good friends. It was nice to see them together in my dream, but I do not like dreaming about dead people very much.  It makes me worry that I am about to join them. (insert nervous giggle here.)  I am not quite ready to go.  I have much to do before that happens. I need to buy my headstone and have it planted. I need to pay for my funeral/cremation. I need to write letters to each of my children.  I need to make a list of things that I want to go to whomever.  At least I have my will done, but I do not want to go and leave chaos in my wake, and I fear that if I did go now, that is what would happen.  I have much to settle first. I am not quite ready to trip the light fantastic just yet.

 

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People that love you

 care about how they make you feel. 

 The end. Let them go.

I saw this phrase the other day and it made sense to me. Why am I crying all these tears over people who obviously do not love me or care about how they make me feel.  It should be so obvious to me. And I think my son blocking me from his life on Mother's Day was a very clear message as hurtful as it might have been. 

You can still be kind. 

You can even still love them deeply. 

But do it from the distance they created 

in their words and actions. 

Access to you is a privilege they 

have proven they can’t be trusted with. 

Let them go. 

 You don’t need to tell your side of the story. 

God already knows. 

Let God fight the battle for you. 

Let them go.

Reading these words was so helpful.  It helped me to put things into perspective.  There are people out there who do wicked things to their children. Their children still love and respect them. I did nothing wicked. I deserve far more than they have given.  It truly is time to let them go . . . to put my energy and feelings into other things that matter more.

 

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I was thinking yesterday about how much I loved to go for long walks.  I can't walk very far these days without pain in my knees and hip.  I do try and I walk as much as I can in the house.  Some days I get more than 5000 steps in, which for me is very good.  I used to love walking down through the Orchards surrounding the cottage in Kent.  Over the golf course, etc. In the spring months the bird song was exceptionally beautiful and loud . . .  constant.  The smell from the apple blossom intoxicating.  

Then in summer it would get all silent.  The air hot . . .  the only sound an occasional rustle from the bottom of the hedgerow  . . .   In  autumn the crack of acorns crunching beneath my feet. It was like walking on small pebbles.  Occasionally Jess would catch sight of a rabbit and be off chasing it. It was hard to bring her back, the lure of the chase being much stronger than anything else, but eventually she would return. 

I loved the way the landscape changed so much with the seasons, there was beauty in all of it, even the spent seeds and drying brush of the late summer as that which had been so alive was now getting ready to be put to sleep  . . . 

I have always been a nature lover.  A great observer.  

It is good for us, I think  . . .  to keep as much joy in our lives as we can.  We can let the things which are not of the heart and spirit take over at times, worry overly much about things like money and the state of the world, the minutiae of every day life.  We work . . . we argue . . .  we squander our strength in a million ways, oft-times forgetting the wonder of life that is to be found all around us. The ecstasy of breathing in air ravished by lilac and apple blossom, the sound of new leaves rustling in the moonlight . . . the sight of twilight stars in the deepening violet bowl of the sky. There is immeasurable joy to be found in the gifts of life, if we would accept them. 

I am a seeker of beauty . . .  and in being such, I find it, and am blessed for doing so.

 

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It is Wednesday today and on Wednesday nights I go to the Big Scoop with my father and his friend Hazel for supper.  Sometimes Cindy joins us. I like it when she does.  It gives me someone to talk to.  Dad and Hazel are quite hard of hearing.  Especially dad.  Hazel is not quite so bad, but she does like to monopolize the conversation somewhat.  This is quite often the way with people who don't get together with others that often. Having said that I wonder if I am the same.  I hope not  . . .  I do only talk to others infrequently, at least voice wise.  My fingers do all my talking I suppose. It is a rare opportunity to be able to talk to others by voice, and when I do . . .  I selfishly like to get a word in edgewise and know that I am being heard . . .  

But I go because I am building memories of time spent with my father and I have missed far too much time with him already.

And with that I can see that the morning is marching steadily on and I have much to do before 9 o'clock, so I will leave you now with a thought for the day  . . . 

° * 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •
•。★★ 。* 。
° 。 ° ˛˚˛ * _Π_____*。*˚
˚ ˛ •˛•˚ */______/~＼。˚ ˚ ˛
˚ ˛ •˛• ˚ ｜ 田田 ｜門 ★

 *.˛.There is beauty and power in unity.

We must be united in heart and mind.

One world, one people.° * 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •

~Lailah Gifty Akita° * 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •

° * 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ • 

In The English Kitchen today  . . . Corn Soup.  I have for years been trying to replicate a soup that my landlady used to make for me when I was first out to work and boarding.  I think I have come pretty close this time.  It was delicious at any rate.

I hope that you have a lovely day filled with light and joy. The sun is shining here and it is going to get lovely and warm.  Whatever you get up to, don't forget!

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And I do too!