Ponderings . . .

(source)

 

Is there something in your life that you choose to protect?  A special treasure. Some item that you keep stored away for good, so that it won't get chipped or broken.  Do you choose the plain and ordinary cup to drink from because you don't want to risk ruining the pretty one?  

I do that. 

I have some really pretty mugs. (Susan Branch ones, and mugs that were my mothers.)  I keep them up in my cupboard, safe and sound.  I only trot them out to use them for props when I want to take a particularly pretty photograph for the food blog.  Other than that they don't see the light of day. I am wanting to keep them safe from the vagaries of life, not wanting to risk losing them.

I need to really start using them, or else why do I have them? Why have things that I really love if I am not willing to risk their loss by using them?

 

(source)

What is the point of having them?

Am I like that with all of my treasures in life?  

Am I like that with my relationship with God?  Do I protect that from hard things also?  Do I keep it tucked away so that it doesn't get chipped or broken? Do I only share it with the good times?  Do I only keep track of the positive, the ways He has outwardly jumped into my life and smoothed the path ahead of me?

I have always loved God.  Since I was a little girl I have known He was there and I have loved Him.  It is the same with Jesus.  I cannot remember a day in my life when I did not love, know, or believe in either one of them.

I trust them with ALL the big things in my life . . .  but I tend to shelter them from the small and innocuous. Not wanting to bother them with every day little things.  Truth be told . . .  I find it a lot easier to pray for the things that other people need than to pray for the things I need myself. Somehow it seems selfish to pray for the things I need myself, and I don't want to appear selfish. Not to anyone. Not to the people on the street. Not to my friends. Not to my family . . .  and certainly not to God.

 

(source)

I have no problem thanking Him for all the goodness in my life. I do that on a daily basis, sometimes more than once or twice. That comes easy to me.

But do I hold things back from Him? That is a question I have been asking myself lately.  What do I hold back from God and why do I hold it back?

Is it because I think I know the answers already?  Is it because I am afraid the answers will not be what I want them to be?  Is it because I think my needs are not really important or worth Him caring about?   Is it because I feel that if I give voice to my wants and desires . . .  then I will have to acknowledge that life is hard, even in the easiest of moments?  Is it because I don't want to ask Him to get down into the dirt with me?

I acknowledge Him in my good moments, but am I willing to acknowledge Him in my bad? Am I keeping Him and my relationship with Him just for good? Not wanting it to get chipped or worn . . .  not wanting to risk breaking it.

 

(source)

But  . . .  in order for my relationship with God to be real . . .  I cannot just focus on the good moments, the happy moments . . .  the times when everything worked out.  I can't just focus on the miracles, the answers that came . . .  the big questions and problems solved.  I need to focus on everything. 

I need to be able to focus on the seemingly unanswered prayers as well.  What good is it to believe in a God who only gives me exactly what I have asked for??  Maybe there is more value to be had from leaning into the times when I felt let down . . .  when the answers I wanted or was looking for never came . . . 

But maybe the answers that I thought never came were exactly the answers that I needed?? I know that a huge part of faith comes in believing that He will answer our prayers  . . .  but maybe an even bigger part comes in believing and having faith that the answer that doesn't come or that doesn't fit what we want, is the answer  . . .  is the thing that we needed most of all.  That its the lesson that matters most, especially in the hardest of things.

That in the hard, the difficult . . .  the dirty . . . the messy . . . the small . . . He can be found.  I need to be able to trace the goodness that I find in the dark places because believing in a God who only shows up in and provides happy things is not a God that is real.  And above all else I want my relationship with God to be real.  I need a God who shows up everywhere.

If I cannot trust Him with the small stuff  . . .  well then  . . . what's the point? If I think that my hard stuff is not worthy of His measure  . . .  again, what's the point? If I only want to believe when He gives me answers, again . . .  what's the point . . . 

And it comes to me this morning that a God who shows up in the middle of the mess, who is willing to meet me in my darkest places is a God who loves me. He is good . . .  even in my hard things. Especially in my hard things.  And  . . .  He has and is always there.  And He cares about my lost keys and all the small and simple things that matter to me as well . . .

He is just simply there  . . .  and willing to show up for everything and in every situation.

And I know that in talking about God, I make many of you uncomfortable.  And that's okay.  I'm sorry for that. Its just who I am. I like to talk about God . . .  and sometimes people need to hear about Him. Maybe somebody needed to read this today.  I don't know.

But  . . .  I also like to talk about cake . . .  and tarts. 

In The English Kitchen today  . . .  Fresh Strawberry Tarts. Quite simply delicious.

Cindy and I are off on our travels today.  I am looking forward to this time we will get to spend together. I love her so much.  Whatever you get up to today, have a beautiful one, and . . . don't forget! 

═══════════ ღೋƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒღೋ ═══════════ 

⊰✿░G░O░D⊰✿⊰L░O░V░E░S⊰✿⊰░Y░O░U░⊰✿
═══════════ ღೋƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒღೋ ═══════════     


And I do too!