So I thought I would read back a year ago to this same month last year and I did. That's always a bit of a risk because really we don't want to be looking backwards, but forwards. I thought in this case it would be not so bad. I was so broken a year ago and have come so far. I have no explanation as to how I managed to do it. Divine intervention. I was carried aloft by the love and support and prayers of others. That's the only way I could have done what I had to to and be sitting here now in a much happier, more settled place. Peace of mind, heart and soul. That's what I have now. I stand all amazed.
I am in a very good place.
There is a special freedom which comes from losing everything, or at least everything you thought that you needed. You have nowhere to go but up. No place to move but forwards. Nothing else to lose. It opens your life to abundance in a weird sort of way that is very difficult to explain. Suddenly the truth of what is really important in life becomes abundantly clear, and it is not what you thought it was at all.
I have to share my sister's chestnuts with you. She is so talented. These are some chestnuts she picked up in the cemetery where our mother is buried. They look so real. I need to find more time to paint. I am missing it.
(source)
The joy we feel has little to do
with the circumstances of our lives
and everything to do
with the focus of our lives.
~Russell M Nelson
This is so true. Life gets so much better when you start to focus on and look for the things which really matter most. When you start to notice the small, most delicate, almost invisible, blessings that occur on a daily basis for each of us. Things as simple as merely being able to open your eyes on one more morning, take one more breath, smile one more smile. I have become ever more aware of the intangible. Something which only the heart can hold. And my heart holds it.
There must have been a storm in the night. When I got up this morning the clock on the stove was flashing so I know the power went out. Just now I opened my living room curtains and there is this leaf plastered against my window. I see you leaf. You are not invisible to me. Out of all the leaves in the world, in my yard, on my porch, I see you. That is what it must be like when we throw ourselves against the window of God. I am sure he says, I see YOU. Out of all the you's in the world, in my yard, on my porch, I see YOU. Be happy little leaf. Be well. You are not invisible to me.
Then I looked back at the table where I was creating and this was the vision I saw. They are like bookends. (I can almost feel people cringing here.) Its okay. I don't mind. I have given up trying to chase them down. It just causes too much angst and stress. I wash my table frequently and always before setting and serving dinner. At least Nutmeg is on the towel I have there for just this purpose. Cinnamon, she is a law unto herself. Defiant and independent.
Ohhh, yesterday I was reclined in my chair and I had a blanket of cats laying on top of me, both purring, so warm and cuddly. It was bliss.
I have decided not to have a tree this year. I think it would just be another source of angst. Instead I will just hang some Christmas balls in my window to temporarily replace the birds that are there at the moment. Shatter-proof of course because I know they will be really tempting. And I will string some greenery/holly along the mantle of my television fire stand. That should be enough. I am all about a stress free life.
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I got a new battery for my car installed yesterday. Now it is running like a top. I am so relieved that it was nothing else. I do need a car here so keeping my car running is really important to me. I think my having a car at all is a bit of a miracle, and an example of how far I have been able to come over this past year.
All my life I have been totally dependent on someone else for everything, or at least thought I was. This past year has shown me that I can rely on myself. I can take care of myself, provide for myself.
I like not having to answer to anyone else for any of the choices I make. Being able to eat pasta every day, or go to bed or get up at whenever time. Watch whatever I want on the tv, etc. I have learned to say no to things I was never able to say no to before.
What is the worst that can happen? I've already been there and bought the t-shirt. I am willing to take the chance. If I fall, I fall, but I know I have the strength to pick myself up again. That is power.
Now I am investing in me. As selfish as that sounds. If I don't or can't believe in myself, who else will?
A tiny glimpse of what is to come. Pinch me, I'm dreaming. This is for reals. I have all the people I need now for reviewers. MANY thanks to all who stepped up to the plate! I only need two more endorsers. I think an endorser is someone with influence who is willing to write an endorsement of my qualities as a writer, baker, chef, person, etc. Jen from Tater Tots and Jello has offered to write me an endorsement. I need two more. All my reviewers are in place. They will probably also want the endorsers to be from the US as well. This is the hardest part I think. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it.
And with that I need to get on with my day. I have a lesson to finish up for tomorrow. This week it is based on the talk by Elder Holland from the last Conference entitled, "The Greatest Possession." I know, I say that about all the talks. I really do mean it however. I always love Elder Holland's talks. He's one of the greatest speakers and his words always resonate with me. That's as it should be.
A thought to carry with you . . .
•。★★ 。* 。
° 。 ° ˛˚˛ * _Π_____*。*˚
˚ ˛ •˛•˚ */______/~＼。˚ ˚ ˛
˚ ˛ •˛• ˚ ｜ 田田 ｜門 ★
*.˛.Look for the sunlight
through the clouds,
opportunities will eventually
open to you.
~Gordon B Hinckley•。★★ 。*
In The English Kitchen today . . . The Best Lion House Dinner Rolls. I small batched it so that the recipe only makes a dozen of the fluffiest most delicious and easiest rolls ever!
Have a beautiful Saturday. Be happy and safe and healthy. Don't forget!
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