When I was a child, I automatically thought that everyone in the world was a good person and nice. Life has taught me otherwise. I have come to learn since that there are basically two kinds of people in the world. People who are kind and caring . . . and people who are not.
Kind and caring people are those who reach out when they see another soul hurting, be it with words, or with hands. People who are not kind reach out also with words and with hands, albeit it not in the same manner. They are the kind of people who, having seen a soul which has been kicked, cannot resist giving that soul another kick. For whatever gain I will never understand. Thankfully there are far more kinder people in this world than there are others.
The other day, when I was busy moving into my new home, and off line, I received another nasty comment from someone who has left nasty comments before. When I saw it I shared it with my sister and she said to just ignore it. I did think to do that . . . to not give this person a voice, but in thinking and praying about it, I feel that I need to address it. I also want this person to know that this is the very last time I will do so.
On the 8th of May in response to my Wednesday This and That post of last week, this person wrote:
"Sounds like someone has gotten out the pity pot and is trying to drop lead weight mooching hints. I wonder what your employer at the manor (and you) knew what Sidney, (did you refer to him as Todd to pretend you didn’t know about his criminal record?) was getting up to? Why didn’t you tell your readers you were fired, not retired?"
I feel that I need to address this, and then I will never speak of this again.
When I first met my husband online back in 1999, he told me his name was Todd. I only ever knew him as Todd, and that is how I always referred to him. Not because I was or am trying to hide anything. I was completely unaware at the time that he had any criminal record of any kind. It is very easy to hide things like a criminal record from people, especially when you are meeting online and the person you are hiding information from hasn't the means or the know-how to find out things like this. It was not until we went to get married that I learned his real name was Sidney and his explanation was simply that . . . as a young man in the army, he had been in a noisy bar with a bunch of Australians and when asked his name he had said, "Sid" but the Aussie heard "Todd." The Aussie then proceeded to introduce him to all of his friends as Todd. It was a nickname that stuck and everyone had called him Todd ever since. And he had never liked being called Sidney or Sid anyways.
I had no reason not to believe this. My first name is Marie, but my family always called me Alice. I grew up being called Alice. They still call me Alice. As an older adult I decided I wanted to be called Marie. I liked it better and it wasn't associated with things like "Alice's Restaurant," "Alice in Wonderland," "Alice doesn't live here anymore," etc. His choosing to be called Todd made sense to me.
Three years after we were married, I learned he had a criminal record. This was when I decided to look into our moving back to Canada and him immigrating with me, as had been our original plan. In fact I actually went back to Canada to begin setting things up for our move, finding a job, a place to live, etc. It was only when I was already over there that he told me he would never be able to immigrate because he had a criminal record. It was for something he had done when he was much younger, called "Affray." I had never heard of affray and people with criminal records had never been a part of my life. I had been married to a Military Policeman for all of my previous married life. Todd told me he had been in jail for a short time of time when he was much younger, for having participated in riots. We all do foolish things when we are young and stupid and know no better.
I had no reason not to believe him. He was my husband. I loved him. I had made Temple covenants and promises with him. I was extremely disappointed that he had not told me this prior to our getting married, and I struggled with the fact that I would never be able to live in Canada so long as we were married, but I did what anyone who loves their husband does, and I returned to the UK. For better, for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer and poorer . . . for time and all eternity. Having already been divorced twice, and having been sealed in the temple, I was understandably reluctant to put an end to a third marriage, and yes, I loved my husband.
It was after I returned to the UK that I was hired by the family at the Manor and we moved down to Kent to live where I worked as a Chef. It was a job with many challenges. My boss was not the easiest person to work for, but, as anyone who has ever worked at a job with tied accommodation will tell you, it is not easy to quit when your very home is at stake. You put up with a lot of things that you normally would not put up with because it beats the alternative, which is being unemployed and homeless. I was the only person working and supporting us. Todd was retired and on a pension. I worked very long and difficult hours from 9 in the morning until 8 at night, five days a week and often six and sometimes seven. I had no time to make real friends or form relationships with anyone in my community. I had my job, my church insofar as I had the time to participate, and I had my home and my husband.
I was happy at work for most of the 7 1/2 years I worked there. It was only for the last two years of working at the manor I would say that I started to become very unhappy at work. My boss, or Mrs B as she was called, had become very difficult to work for. She had always been demanding and difficult, but she became even more so. There were days I would come home and sit at the picnic table out back of our cottage and cry because I didn't want my husband to know I was upset or unhappy. He loved living there and I loved him. Its as simple as that.
Then one day Mrs B came back from a trip to her hairdresser in America to find a note on her bed. Mr B had left and wanted a divorce. All was not happy in paradise. She repacked, left and went back to America, and he came back to the Manor. We were all told worst case scenario was that he would have to sell everything up, but it was highly likely that whomever bought the Manor Estate would want to keep the current staff on. This was on the Wednesday.
On the Friday night, after I had fed him his dinner, he told me that he wanted Todd to come over so that he could talk to us. He then sat us down and said that the simple truth was that he did not need a personal Chef any longer. Also, that he was going to have to liquidate many of his assets and the first to go would be the cottage we were living in. I was the first of all the staff to be made redundant. I had thirty days to find a new job and a home.
Those of you who have been readers know how very difficult that time was for me, for us. In the blink of an eye, we lost our home, our soul source of employment, etc. There was also a gag clause in my contract of employment. I had never been able to talk about them or their lives, etc. This gag clause became a part of my redundancy. I would only receive my redundancy pay in small increments over a period of time, and only if I did two things. One was not to talk about what had happened, and two . . . was to not contact anyone who was still working there. That if they knew his plans to sell up they would all be looking for other employment and he would be left in the lurch. In fact, I had seen a letter in her office to that effect just a few weeks prior, where she had been talking to realtors and had told them to be very quiet about their dealings with her because she didn't want her staff to all quit because they thought they were losing their jobs. (The selfish thinking of the very wealthy.)
When very wealthy people put gag orders in place, you follow them, because you have not the means to do otherwise. I think that 11 years later the statute of limitations is well past.
The fact is we were all (the whole staff) made redundant within six months of that date, when all was sold off and they moved to the Bahamas. I was simply the first to be let go. The least needed of all the staff. So there you have it.
Not that I owed you, you mean spirited soul, an explanation, or anyone else, an explanation for that matter.
The first I knew of any of what recently happened to us/me was two years ago when the police called my home asking questions and I was told by my husband that an accusation had been made but that it was false and had no basis in fact or truth. I believed him, even though my heart and mind were reeling at the accusation which had been made . . .
I believed him. I had no reason to believe otherwise. He was my husband. I loved him. He had only ever shown me that he was a good man, a man of God, the man I had been praying for all of my life to be able to share my life with. It was only in October of last year that I learned the truth of it all, and that he was not . . . when he confessed it all to me.
And I was devastated to say the least. It is not every day you discover that every day of the last 20 years of your life has been based on soul-less lies, manipulations and the selfishness of one very depraved individual.
If I am guilty of anything Dee, it is of being incredibly naïve and trusting. Which of us does not trust the people we choose to share our lives with? Which of us does not love the people we choose to share our lives with?
The fact is that there were two victims of his despicable crimes. The child he abused and the wife he lied to. We will both have to live forever with what he did to us. Your trying to further victimize me by making such appalling accusations just at a time when I am beginning to try to piece my life back together says much more about you than it does about me, and I want my readers to know that.
Do not bother to leave me any further comments containing suppositions and accusations from what I can only think is a very disturbed mind and heart, because I will not be paying any attention to them, or answering to them. I will simply say and do as Nephi . . . and "give place no more for the enemy of my soul." (2Nephi 4:28)
Final words. You should be ashamed of yourself. Very ashamed of yourself. I can look myself in the mirror and know with every fiber of my soul and being that I am a good person and I have not and never did do, anything wrong.
To the rest of you, thank you so very much for your love and your support over these many months. You, who have only ever been kind and caring and supportive. You have truly been angels in my life when I needed angelic support most of all. I am most appreciative. I apologize that once again I have had to defend myself publicly and I promise you that this will not happen again because I will not let it.
And now, back to our regular programming . . .
I small batched my Mom's Cinnamon Rolls recipe in honor of me setting up my forever after home and Mother's Day. Trust me when I say they are the best. The recipe makes six lovely, delectable, yeast free, delicious cinnamon rolls.
Have a wonderful day people. Be happy. Be blessed and know always that . . .
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