I am a little bit later getting started this morning. I was up plenty early but I wanted to watch church in the UK, so I did that first and now here I am. Looking at this photograph I remembered a sweet book that was gifted to me by a friend a while back by Joan Walsh Anglund, "What Colour is Love." Unfortunately it was one of the things I had to leave behind. Everytime I think of something like that my heart aches a tiny bit. I suppose it is only natural. I have to then remind myself its only stuff and then put it aside.
I have gained so much more that what I left behind in a myriad of different ways. Far more important things.
I have begun to think that I can have a life again. A home of my own, maybe even a pet to call my own. There was a house for sale just a few doors down from my sister's and yesterday I dared to think it could be mine and so I made enquiries, but alas, it was already contracted to somebody else. It would have been perfect and in just the right spot, I thought. But God has other plans and so I must trust in them, which is as it should be. There is a perfect place for me and when it is right, all will fall into place and in the meantime I can save more up for it.
I am a little bit excited/nervous about going to see this car tomorrow. Its about five years old, but it is a good size for me, not too big, not too small. Its red, which isn't really a colour I would have picked for myself, but the price is right, and my father thinks it is a good car so we shall see. It would be good to have a second car in the drive to rely on. My sister and Dan have had a few problems with their car lately so it could come in really handy on those days when their car is down but Cindy needs to go to work or other things. It would feel good to be able to give back to those who have given me so much already.
I have not owned my very own car in over 20 years. I did have a good used one before I went to the UK that my mom had gotten for me. When I moved over there, she sold it to my Uncle Harold, who was able to drive it for quite a few more years. Here is hoping this one will last me a good few years also. At the age of 65 I am not sure how many more years I will be up for driving, but dad is still driving at 87 so who knows! Being able to drive and take yourself places helps to keep you independant.
Sometimes I think that I would like to have another dog. Dogs are such friendly and loyal creatures, but they do require walking and I am not sure I could keep up with walking a dog. Cats are a bit more independant and you do need to have a litter box indoors for them, but they also make good companions and pets. I am quite taken with all of the cats here. Gary talks all the time and has such an expressive face. Pumpkin can be a bit mean to the other cats, but she was here first I guess. She also has a pretty little face, and mom loved her. Jazzy is a bundle of energy, which is quite natural for a kitten. She has recovered well from her operation. You would never think anything had happened. It is a struggle to get her to take it easy! The last few mornings she has come into my bedroom to say hello soon after I have woken up. Mostly she just plays with my toes under the covers.
My sister Cindy is geting ready to exhibit some of her artwork in the town library for the month of February. She doesn't think she is very good but I think she is really talented. I could not do what she does. All I do is draw silly little drawings and colour them in. What she does is real art, and I think it is all pretty amazing. Maybe one day I will be able to buy one of her paintings to put in my new home when I get one.
I can actually pick and choose what I want to put on my walls when I get my own place. That is something new for me. I have never really truly been just me in my own place. I expect I will be lonely, its only natural. That's why it will be important for me to have a pet of some kind, even if it is a pet rock. (LOL I hope it is much more than a pet rock!) But I can choose what I put on my walls and everything. I can spoil myself if I want to. I can have only things that spark joy for . . . me!
I really love primitive art. I might try to do myself some paintings based on Grandma Moses or some such. My own stuff and then if I like it, frame it and hang it up. We willhave to wait and see what happens.
I picked up my prescriptions yesterday. From what I can tell I must have been approved for Pharmacare because I did not have to pay the full amount for any of them. I did get a discount, so that is good. In the UK everyone over the age of 60 gets free prescriptions, and even under the age of 60 all prescriptions cost the same amount of money. If you are on any kind of benefits, you also get them free. What an incredible blessing that was. But even so, being able to have a discount here is still a blessing that I am very grateful for. And once I have paid my deductable then I won't have to pay any more. At least that is how I think it works. Its all new to me!
So now I have gotten my eyes tested, even the diabetic test which they weren't doing in the UK because of Covid. I have gotten myself some new eye glasses. I have gotten my Driver's license exchanged. I have gotten all of my prescriptions sorted. In a day or so I should (should being the operative word here) have a car, so slowly but surely things are falling into place. God is good.
It is a bit of an odd place to find yourself. When I think back on the last 20 years there were some really, really nice things about them. Am I supposed to throw all of that away just because I shared them with a rotten scoundrel. What do I do with all of the good? I feel guilty when I go to talk about when I visited Austria, or some such. Or when I served on my mission. Or a myriad of other things. Does the darkness of Todd's transgressions taint everything in such a way as my whole life for the past twenty years should be discounted? It is a hard one to fathom, and I am struggling with that.
A great deal makes sense now however. Like how he would never get up and bear his Testimony at church during Fast and Testimony meetings. Like how I never wanted him to give me a Priesthood blessing, instead preferring to get one from somebody else. (I could never understand that, but I just always wanted someone else.) Like how he was never fully, totally in the Gospel, drinking decaff tea and coffee and justifying it because it was decaff. How I was always more willing to serve others and go teaching than he was.
Little things like that. He must have been a tortured soul in many ways, waiting for the shoe to drop. It must have been a great burden on him knowing he was living a lie, whilst I was completely oblivious to the deception. Knowing that must have tainted all of his joy. Maybe he spent he last twenty years feeling like he was living on borrowed time? Or maybe not. Maybe he thought he would never get found out? I will never know for sure. That's probably best.
But I just can't erase 20 years, or all of the pockets of joy during that time. It is not like a tap that you can just turn off. It is a bit of a conundrum for me, because for the most part, I was really very happy during all of that time. Ignorance truly is bliss. I really "get" that now.
In another couple of days it will be Groundhog Day. Will the groundhog see his shadow? Its a sunny day today, albeit it quite chilly. Six weeks of Winter is six weeks of Winter, or will it be more? Time will tell and so will, the groundhog!
Oh a mystery. These piles of dirt keep showing up on my sister's lawn. Even through the snow. We are baffled as to what is causing them. Could it be Moles? We have not seen any, but do you really see Moles? I do't know!
And with that I will leave you with a thought for today . . .
.° * 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •
•。★★ 。* 。
° 。 ° ˛˚˛ * _Π_____*。*˚
˚ ˛ •˛•˚ */______/~＼。˚ ˚ ˛
˚ ˛ •˛• ˚ ｜ 田田 ｜門 ★
˛*Every day is a day
•。★★ 。* 。
° 。 ° ˛˚˛ * _Π_____*。*˚
˚ ˛ •˛•˚ */______/~＼。˚ ˚ ˛
˚ ˛ •˛• ˚ ｜ 田田 ｜門 ★
˛*Every day is a day
you've never seen before.
•。★★ 。* 。•。★★ 。* 。
In the English Kitchen today, a Traditional Lasagna. Is it lasagna or lasagne? I don't know, but I can promise you one thing, it is delicious!
Have a great Sunday. Don't forget!
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And I do too!
═══════════ ღೋƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒღೋ ═══════════
And I do too!
