Wednesday This and That . . .

 

So I've been thinking a lot about mom's lately. No surprise there I suppose. She is always on my mind and in my heart.   I will be okay for a couple of hours and then, bang, it hits me again and I am off to the races with big hot wet silent tears rolling down over my cheeks. Nothing on earth could have prepared me for what I am feeling. Nothing. There has been so very much of me invested in my mother and so much of her invested in me . . .  it feels as if a huge chunk of me has been torn away, and that I will never be able to replace it. 

I don't think I really understood this magical relationship between mother and child, until I really had children of my own.  I always loved my mother with a special depth but when I became a mother myself, I finally "got" it.  I finally understood what that depth was and what it meant. I think upon becoming a mother, I actually became a better daughter, if that makes sense. 

She was the one person on this earth who had loved me from way before my birth  . . .  I knew what it was like to live inside her. Safe.  Warm. Loved.  Well acquainted with her every mood and feeling. There is nobody on earth that can love you as much as a mother does. Nobody who knows you as well as a mother does.  This might not be so for everyone, but I can only say it is so for me.  

 

She is in your heart and in your smile  . . .  you carry a piece of her in your laughter.  She's the place you came from, your first home . . . the map you follow with every step you take. Inside her womb she carried not only you, but your children, their children, their children's children and on and on. 

Every night I pray to God . . .  let her know that I miss her, that I am and always will love her so very much, that she is missed more than words can ever say.  Every day I wait for a sign that the message has gotten through . . .  some evidence of her still being with me, around me . . . just here . . . her presence.  Maybe I am trying too hard . . .  

And so I keep busy  . . .  I cook, I clean, I tidy, I putter . . . I do laundry.  I don't think my house has been this tidy or clean, ever.  I am just filling my days with mindless, thoughtless activity. Things I don't need to think about or ponder, because when I stop to think or ponder . . .  the tears come, and it hurts all over again.  I really hope that this is normal, and I also really hope that this isn't permanent . . . . this way I am feeling . . . that the pain of loss will magically turn into something else. 

  

I just feel so sad.

I posted a box off to my middle son yesterday.  The afghan is on its way. I stuck in some valentines for the boys and a little something for his wife.  I didn't want any of them to feel left out. I need to do a blanket for my oldest son now.  I know he would appreciate one also, and then I need to make one for our Eileen. These blankets are like hugs, or at least I like to think they are. 

I've been trying to get my Relief Society Lesson done for Sunday and I am struggling to get it ready.  I feel so distracted. Oh, I know I will get it done because I have no choice but to do it.  Its based on the talk that Elder Renlund gave in the last General Conference, entitled Choose You This Day.  Its a great talk and begins with a great example taken from one of my favourite childhood books, Mary Poppins.  It should be so easy  . . .  

 

Oh how I loved that book when I was a child.  I can't tell you how many times I read it.  I won a copy of it as an award at the end of my Grade 2 school year.  I fell in love with it and read it over and over again . . .  the illustrations in it were just wonderful. Nothing was in colour, except for the cover, and even that was only yellow, with black printing/illustration on it. It didn't need colour.  The story itself was colourful enough. 

  

And of course I loved the film with Julie Andrews in it.  I have seen it many, many times.  I have yet to see the new one with Emily Blunt in it, but I hear it is quite good.   Its just a magical, magical story, and one I never tire of.  

  

 

Speaking of books  . . .  I fear my book is being put off again.  I am not sure what the problem is.  My Editor says all of the inside is done, but he's been busy with stuff to do with the parent company and he will be busy with that for a few more weeks.  I hope it isn't as ominous as it sounds.  I hope they aren't going under or some such . . .  and if they are, what happens next???  Is the book still  mine??? Can I approach someone else with it?  I will just have to wait and see what happens next, and have faith that whatever it is, there is a plan.  I am more proud of this one than I was the last one.  This is the one I wanted to write the first time around. 

And I am just babbling now, so I better get off here and get on with my day.  I don't have any specific plans for today, except to maybe bake a cake and get on with that lesson!  Todd is going in to Chester to pick up his new reading glasses. 

A thought to carry with you  . . . 

° * 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •
•。★★ 。* 。
° 。 ° ˛˚˛ * _Π_____*。*˚
˚ ˛ •˛•˚ */______/~＼。˚ ˚ ˛
˚ ˛ •˛• ˚ ｜ 田田 ｜門 ★
 *Time is like a river.

You cannot touch the same water twice,

because the flow that has passed,

will never pass again.

Enjoy every moment in life.  

~Unknown   •。★★ 。* 。 

 

In the English Kitchen today  . . .  Pork Chops Baked with Sweet Potatoes & Onions.

Have a lovely Wednesday.  Don't forget! 

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And I do too!