The workings of my mind . . .

 

 I confess . . .  I am not a person who embraces change.  I love monotony.  It doesn't bore me. I find a great comfort in the sameness of things, in knowing that each day can unfold in exactly the same way, so long as I always follow my routine. Change always comes hard to me. I find it very difficult. Even something so simple as the clocks going an hour forward or an hour back can throw me for a loop.

A week or so ago, I noticed new themes on blogger and I had kind of been wanting to make things a bit easier to read on my food blog and so I tried one on to see how it looked.  Well, I thought I had tried it, but it turned out I had changed it, forever.  I have been grieving it ever since, almost regretting it.  I say almost because, there are things I really like about the new look.  Its fresh and clean, and not so cluttered.  But, my readership has more than halved, and I find myself wondering, what is it that made the difference?  I will probably never know.

Perhaps this is the cosmos telling me

I need to change my

focus

...

I say that, because blogging was only ever supposed to be about what brought me joy.  That is all I ever wanted it to be.   I write here . . .  because it brings me joy. I love penning my thoughts. I love sharing the feelings of my heart . . .  my innermost being. I love the interaction between the writer and the reader.

With the food blog I love and loved always . . .  sharing what I cooked and what I ate, with the food being the star of things. I never wanted it to be a popularity contest, not ever. Recognition is nice, but that has never been what my intention was when I started the blog up. It was only ever supposed to be an online cookery book of experience. My experience.  And again, I love the interaction between the writer and the reader. I love it when someone tries what I have cooked and then likes it too.

Those are the things about blogging

that bring me 

joy

...

 Another thing which I have always hated and avoided when I could is competition.  I hate that there are winners and losers.  Why can't everyone be a winner?  When something becomes a contest to me, then I lose interest. I lose that spark of joy, that sense of peace.  I used to feel it all the time when my ex husband and I would go bowling with his brother and wife. They were so competitive that they took all the joy out of the game and I ended up merely throwing the ball down the lanes without caring where it went. For me the fun has always been merely in the participation, not in the end result, and that is how I think it should be.  But then again, there has always been that tiny part of myself that has also longed to be a winner, and it is a part that I don't like . . . because, sadly . . .  when someone wins, somebody else always loses.  And I hate that thought.

I have an acquaintance who is also a food blogger and with her it is always about winning. Whenever someone else accomplishes something, she does not seem to be able to find or to be able to share joy in that. Oh . . .  she pretends to be joyful about it, but it is always laced with a . . .  "Good for you, but . . . " I " have done this!" . . .  and it is not a nice thing to see or experience.  For instance, when I announced that I had a cookbook deal, she immediately had to counteract that with a comment of good for you, but along with an announcement of her "author" page on Amazon included in the comment.  Things like that make me a bit sad.

Why can't some people just

be happy for 

others?

...

Without 

wanting to overshadow

anothers joy and steal their light?

  

I have a really difficult time understanding the psychology behind something like that, this need for one-upmanship, to always be first in line.  Is there not room for everyones light to shine?  I think there is.  Can we not celebrate each other accomplishments with equal joy!  This woman has a beautiful food blog. Well organised and pretty,  and her food photography is stunning.  She lives in the South of France in a beautiful area, and clearly has lots of money to spend on props and ingredients, and she is very talented in what she does. I always loved to visit her page and see what she was up to, but . . .  little by little, her need to swallow up all the air in the room has spoiled it for me, and so I don't visit anymore, mostly because I don't like the way it makes me feel.  I don't want or need that type of passive-aggressive negativity in my life.

So where I am going with this?  The cosmos . . .  perhaps the change in my food blog, however accidental, was the cosmos way of reminding me that it was never meant to be a competition.  To stop my head from swelling . . .  not that I think it was, but I did find myself checking my stats each morning and my mood lifting or dropping according to the numbers. It was never ever supposed to be about numbers, only about the joy that cooking brings to me, and hopefully to those who read me.

Life was never meant to be

 and never should become

a competition

...

 Life is about finding joy, and peace. About becoming better . . . as a person . . . adopting Christ-like attributes . . .  about sharing our abundance, about teaching, and learning . . . on being able to find joy and contentment in what you already have. Learning to share our toys. Sometimes we win, and sometimes we lose. What really matters most,  is if we enjoy the journey and understand it for what it is.  Most of the joy of any adventure comes in the journey itself.  Oh, I did think about closing comments for both of my blogs a long time ago, but I had a change of heart, only because I enjoy the interaction between writer and reader so much, and because I care about each one who visits and I would miss knowing I was a part of their journey, and I would miss reading about the things which are going on in their lives. 

Life is about hope for 

without hope we 

really have

nothing

at all

...

Hope 

is the catalyst

that keeps us moving forward,

and putting one foot in front of the other.

 

 And so I am trying to adapt to the change and to embrace it as a good thing. A comfort zone can be a beautiful place, but nothing will ever grow there  . . .

Thanks so much

for always putting up with 

my "twitterings" and the "working out " of

things that are on my mind. You help me to be a better me.

♥♥♥

 In The English Kitchen today  . . .  Country Baked Chicken. This is sooooooo good!

We got a lot done in the garden yesterday and will be putting in our bedding plants soon. We have to take the dog to the groomers on Friday and so we may go to a Garden centre while she is in there. Have a great Wednesday!  Hope the sun shines down on you.  Don't forget along the way  . . .

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And I do too!